Marital Therapy: Assertiveness To Live Happily As A Couple
On certain occasions, some couples who initially seemed to get along and understand each other in most situations, Over time, they can become a nucleus full of conflicts and constant discussions
In some cases, these expressed differences are insurmountable, but in a considerable percentage the origin of the issue may be derived from a lack of interpersonal or social skills.
One of the components that make up psychological interventions based on Social Skills Training and one of the most used in cognitive-behavioral Marital Therapies is Learning Assertive Behavior.
Within the scope of psychological intervention, the terms assertive behavior and behavior based on social skills can be understood as analogous.
So, Assertive behavior is defined as that ability that allows a person to express and communicate freely, have an active orientation and attitude in life and act by valuing actions in a respectable way (Fensterheim and Baer, 2008). Méndez, Olivares and Ros (2008) propose the following classification of social skills based on the list of previous behaviors: opinions, feelings, requests, conversations and rights. Training in non-verbal aspects such as appropriate tone of voice, eye contact, and body and facial expression is also important.
Assertiveness and self-esteem
Assertiveness maintains a close relationship with the concept of self-esteem, since everything that an individual does is reflected in the idea that he or she develops about himself (self-concept).
Therefore, a positive correlation can be established between these two phenomena: as the expression of assertiveness increases, the level of self-esteem also increases, and vice versa. There are numerous investigations that affirm that An adequate level of self-esteem is essential to promote the establishment of relationships satisfactory interpersonal relationships.
Assertive, non-assertive and aggressive behaviors
A relevant aspect that must be previously addressed regarding the concept of assertiveness is to determine the difference between assertive, non-assertive, and aggressive behaviors. Unlike the first:
What components do interventions for marital problems with the greatest empirical support include?
At the level of marital psychological intervention, among the techniques that have most demonstrated their effectiveness (based on studies carried out with population samples with deficits in interpersonal relationships) are Cognitive Therapy (CT) and Social Skills Training, whose central element lies in Assertiveness Training (Holpe, Hoyt and Heimberg, 1995). In fact, Chambless’ 1998 studies show how Cognitive-behavioral intervention is one of the empirically validated treatments for couples therapy
For its part, Cognitive Therapy attempts to modify the negative cognitive schemes on which the subject bases his or her self-concept. Because this phenomenon has a positive and bidirectional correlation with the expressed negativity, the more one increases, the more the other increases. Thus, the final objective of CT will be the modification of these pessimistic beliefs that guide the cognitive-behavioral dynamics that condition the person’s habitual functioning.
In reference to Behavioral Therapy, the most effective and most widespread intervention within the clinical context is Social Skills Training, where The subject learns from the imitation of appropriate and more socially adaptive behavior models
Elements of this type of therapy
Fensterheim and Baer (2008) state that an Assertiveness Training program must include the following elements:
1. Plan for establishing objectives and goals to achieve.
2. Training in emotional communication.
3. Assertive behavior test in a safe context.
4. Behavioral exercises of assertive practice in the real context.
Once the initial analysis has been carried out on the dynamics of the specific relationship, the problematic behaviors and the antecedents and consequences of said behaviors, the first point that must be worked on is the establishment of objectives and goals to be achieved in the intervention. From that moment on, the part most related to learning assertive behavior begins (elements 2, 3 and 4 previously explained).
Marital interventions: what do they consist of?
A considerable number of problems in couple relationships are caused by learning deficits in individual development throughout the subject’s life. The lack of acquisition of Social Skills during personal development means that these individuals cannot express in adult life what they have not integrated in the first years of life. The Behavioral Therapy approach defends the idea that people achieve intimacy because they have learned to achieve it.
The achievement of intimacy is one of the final objectives in the treatment of marital problems where Assertive Learning plays one of the main roles as an effective therapeutic strategy, as pointed out by Fensterheim and Baer (2008).
1. Enhance intimacy
To achieve intimacy between the members of the couple, the main therapeutic indications and basic milestones are aimed at:
1. Help each spouse identify the specific behaviors necessary to improve the overall marriage relationship.
2. Help modify these behaviors by replacing them with more adaptive ones.
3. Demonstrate to each member that change in each of them is a necessary condition to generate change in the other member.
4. Help in the development of verbal and non-verbal communication between members of the couple.
5. Help in the process of establishing feasible short-term objectives in the field of emotional communication.
On the other hand, the following observations must also be taken into account:
Excess independence can lead to distancing between both members of the couple. The marital relationship is by nature reciprocal and mutually interdependent, therefore, the behavior of one of the spouses irremediably affects the other and also the relationship itself.
2. Assertiveness Training
More specifically, and according to Fensterheim and Baer (2008), the components most usually addressed in Assertiveness Training within couple relationships correspond to the following:
General plan for modifying problematic behaviors: whose purpose is the identification of behaviors that generate conflicts between spouses. It is essential to know which behaviors each member of the couple dislikes in order to modify them and replace them with more adaptive ones.
marriage contract: agreement based on a document from which both spouses undertake to comply with it and exercise the consequences that may arise.
Assertive emotional communication: adopt a new form of open and sincere communication where feelings and thoughts are expressed and shared. This point is essential to prevent the emergence of misunderstandings and erroneous subjective interpretations of situations that end up becoming conflictive. Likewise, some indications are also worked on to learn a more appropriate way of having a discussion with another, in which points of view can be brought closer and the conflict can be resolved instead of aggravating it even more.
Assertive decision making: This component aims to influence the perception of one of the members of the couple about the belief that it is the other spouse who makes most of the decisions, so that person may feel excluded and despised. With these indications it is intended to re-negotiate and distribute in a more equitable and satisfactory manner the percentage of decisions that involve the marital nucleus.
3. The Behavioral Rehearsal Technique
This is the central technique of Assertiveness Training, and Its purpose is for the person to learn new behavioral skills, being very useful in the practice of social situations. Specifically, it consists of reproducing a safe environment, such as the therapist’s office (where it is possible to manipulate these scenes), in which work is done on natural daily situations of the person so that they can evaluate their problematic behaviors without suffer the negative consequences that could occur in their real context.
In addition, the person is able to reduce the level of anxiety when carrying out a certain behavior. At first, the proposed performances are highly planned, later they are semi-directed and, finally, they are totally spontaneous and improvised.
4. Behavior Modification
Techniques based on operant conditioning were the first used in the field of Behavior Modification It is called operant or instrumental learning because the behavior is used as a means to obtain a desired consequence. The fundamental premise is the so-called Law of Effect proposed by Thorndike (one of the most important theorists on learning), which defends that if a behavior is followed by a positive effect, the probability of performing the behavior in the future will be increased.
One of the main focuses of Assertive Behavior Training within the couple consists of the ability to request a change in behavior from the other member of the couple. Thus, it is essential to pay attention to the behaviors that we want to strengthen/weaken in others. For this purpose, it is extremely relevant to understand and take into account the procedures of Instrumental Conditioning.
More specifically, in the intervention in couples, a new dynamic will be established in which those desired and adaptive behaviors will be consistently rewarded through pleasant consequences so that they tend to be repeated in the future, while those considered unpleasant for them will be penalized. achieve its gradual elimination.
In conclusion
In the text it has been observed that the interventions proposed in the treatment of relationship problems include both cognitive and behavioral components. So, the modification of underlying beliefs motivating externally observable problem behaviors It is a necessary prerequisite to be addressed by both parties.
In the more behavioral part, the Theories of Instrumental Learning and Behavioral Rehearsal allow the acquisition and strengthening of those adaptive behaviors that are most beneficial for the interrelationship between both members of the couple.
