Michelangelo Effect: What It Is And How It Affects Relationships
Relationships are characterized by the mutual influence between the people involved in a marriage or courtship. Part of these influences have to do with what in Psychology is known as the Michelangelo effect.
We will explain what it is and what is the Michelangelo effect? to what phenomenon it is linked, what positive consequences it generates and how it can be used in psychological therapy.
The Michelangelo Effect is a psychological phenomenon that describes how romantic partners influence each other’s personal growth and development. The term takes inspiration from the renowned artist Michelangelo, who believed that sculptures were already present in the stone, and his task was merely to reveal them by chiseling away excess marble. In relationships, this concept applies when partners “sculpt” each other into their ideal selves, encouraging the development of each other’s best qualities. In this article, we’ll explore what the Michelangelo Effect is and how it can positively or negatively affect relationships.
The Michelangelo effect is the process of modeling, of sculpting, that occurs in couples with the purpose that each member of the couple manages to develop their ideal Self This is how each member of the couple acts as reinforcement and support so that the other can achieve their goals and evolve to show the best version of themselves.
It is important to note that this effect will be mutual, that is, it will occur reciprocally in the relationship and always with the purpose of helping the other, not with the intention of changing them to our liking.
The Michelangelo Effect refers to a process in which individuals in close relationships, particularly romantic ones, influence each other’s personal growth in a way that aligns with their partner’s ideal self. In simple terms, it means that partners help one another become the best version of themselves, just as Michelangelo would “free” the figure within a block of marble.
This phenomenon occurs through supportive behaviors, positive reinforcement, and nurturing actions that help both individuals grow into the people they aspire to be. Importantly, the effect is based on mutual support and a shared vision of personal development.
So we see how the couple can be essential for correct and optimal personal development, since if we do not have the support of our partner it will be much more difficult to achieve this goal. Given the importance it has in the field of intimate relationships, this effect has been used in couples therapies to make them healthier and more satisfying.
The Role of the Ideal Self
At the core of the Michelangelo Effect is the concept of the “ideal self.” The ideal self is the version of ourselves we aspire to be—whether it’s more confident, compassionate, successful, or creative. In healthy relationships, each partner plays a crucial role in helping the other person move closer to their ideal self.
By providing encouragement, constructive feedback, and emotional support, a partner can help their significant other grow and evolve. The Michelangelo Effect thrives in relationships where mutual respect and understanding allow each individual to feel safe enough to pursue personal goals and ambitions.
How Does the Michelangelo Effect Work?
The Michelangelo Effect operates through a series of behaviors and interactions that promote self-growth. Here’s how it typically unfolds in relationships:
1. Encouraging Personal Development
Partners actively support each other’s personal goals. This may involve motivating them to take on challenges, improve their skills, or pursue long-held dreams. For example, if one partner has always wanted to start a business, the other may offer emotional support, financial advice, or help them develop the necessary skills.
Providing positive reinforcement is another key element of the Michelangelo Effect. Compliments, praise, and recognition of efforts can significantly enhance a partner’s confidence, making them more likely to pursue their ideal self. Encouraging words like, “You’re doing great!” or “I believe in you!” can make a huge difference in building someone’s self-esteem.
3. Constructive Feedback
A healthy relationship also involves offering constructive feedback. While positive reinforcement is essential, partners may also need to provide feedback to help each other grow. This doesn’t mean being overly critical but offering insights that can guide self-improvement. For example, a partner might gently point out areas where growth is needed, such as better communication or taking more initiative.
4. Emotional and Moral Support
Emotional support is a vital component of the Michelangelo Effect. Whether it’s comforting a partner through difficult times or offering a listening ear during moments of doubt, showing compassion and understanding creates a secure environment for growth.
Benefits of the Michelangelo Effect in Relationships
The Michelangelo Effect can bring numerous benefits to a relationship, fostering growth, intimacy, and deeper connections. Here are some of the positive outcomes:
1. Increased Personal Growth
When partners support each other’s ideal selves, they become more likely to achieve their personal goals. This leads to increased personal growth, as each partner evolves into a more fulfilled version of themselves.
2. Stronger Relationship Bonds
The Michelangelo Effect strengthens the emotional bond between partners. Mutual encouragement and support lead to a deeper connection, as each partner feels understood, valued, and cared for.
3. Greater Relationship Satisfaction
Couples who experience the Michelangelo Effect tend to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction. By helping each other grow and improve, both partners feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment in the relationship.
4. Shared Goals and Visions
In a relationship guided by the Michelangelo Effect, partners often align their personal aspirations with each other’s goals. This fosters a sense of shared purpose and vision, making it easier to work together toward mutual objectives.
Negative Aspects of the Michelangelo Effect
While the Michelangelo Effect can have many benefits, there are also potential drawbacks if not managed correctly.
1. Imposing Unrealistic Expectations
One of the risks of the Michelangelo Effect is when one partner tries to “sculpt” the other into someone they are not. This can lead to imposing unrealistic expectations, which may cause frustration, resentment, or a sense of inadequacy.
2. Dependency on Partner for Validation
Sometimes, individuals may become overly dependent on their partner’s validation for their self-worth. This can lead to emotional imbalance in the relationship, where one partner feels pressured to meet the other’s expectations.
3. Loss of Individuality
In some cases, individuals may lose sight of their own personal goals and become too focused on meeting their partner’s ideals. This can stifle personal growth and lead to feelings of disconnection from one’s true self.
How to Foster the Michelangelo Effect in Your Relationship
For couples who want to cultivate the Michelangelo Effect, there are several steps they can take to ensure that the relationship remains healthy and mutually beneficial:
1. Practice Open Communication
Effective communication is essential for fostering the Michelangelo Effect. Partners should openly discuss their goals, aspirations, and how they can support each other in reaching them. Regular check-ins can help ensure that both individuals feel supported and understood.
2. Offer Genuine Support
Support your partner in ways that are meaningful to them. This could be offering encouragement, listening without judgment, or even helping them set achievable goals. Make sure that the support you offer is aligned with their values and aspirations, rather than imposing your vision of what they should be.
3. Respect Boundaries
While it’s important to encourage growth, respecting your partner’s boundaries is equally vital. Avoid trying to mold them into someone they aren’t comfortable being. Instead, focus on helping them realize the best version of who they already are.
4. Celebrate Successes Together
When your partner achieves a goal or grows in some way, celebrate that success together. Acknowledge the effort it took and express genuine pride in their accomplishments. This not only reinforces positive behavior but also deepens your connection.
The relationship between the Michelangelo effect and the Pygmalion effect
The Pygmalion effect is observed when one individual’s beliefs influence the behavior of another We have a typical example of this in the beliefs or conception that a teacher has of his student. If the expectations presented are positive, the student is more likely to obtain better results; On the other hand, if the conception he has of the student is bad, it will be more likely that the student’s grades and behavior will be worse.
So that, This effect may have a positive or negative impact on the person about whom the belief is held If these are positive, it will generate an increase in the subject’s self-esteem and functioning; On the contrary, if they are negative we will see that their self-esteem decreases, as well as the quality or behavior related to the belief.
We see then that for this phenomenon to occur it is necessary that the belief about someone is firm, that the subject who has it encourages the achievement of said belief and that there is hope that it will be fulfilled. Related to this last point, we see that this effect is linked to the self-fulfilling prophecy which says that the simple manifestation of expectations causes the person in question to show or fulfill such expectations.
This phenomenon can have a powerful effect, since it gives us the possibility of influencing another person by modifying their behavior and ensuring that our beliefs or expectations are met. It is for this reason that this effect has been studied in different areas, whether social, work, family, couples or educational. If we make good use of it, with positive beliefs and expectations, we can obtain powerful benefits.
The Michelangelo effect in couple dynamics
Once the Pygmalion effect has been explained and understood, we will see the particular case of the Michelangelo effect that will be observed in couple relationships, affecting them positively.
It is no coincidence that this effect is named after the famous Italian sculptor, since this phenomenon consists of sculpting; Each member of the couple will model the other according to how they imagine or want their ideal Self to be We understand the ideal self as the characteristics or qualities that we would like to have, both internal and external, as well as the goals and purposes that we want to achieve.
In this way, the sculpting process to achieve the ideal Self, the maximum exponent of each one, will be carried out mutually by the two members of the couple, and The way to increase such characteristics or qualities will be through positive reinforcement: If we express that we like a behavior, it is more likely that it will increase and be repeated.
It may seem paradoxical, but we observe how the bond with another person and the support and reinforcement we receive from them is one of the most powerful elements for our personal development and does not depend only on an individual job or process.
We see how an important element to highlight is the mutual and positive effect that is generated: this phenomenon is not reflected only in the influence of one member of the couple on the other, and nor can this influence be negative. If we know that being patient is an important quality for our partner, but we do not value this characteristic and do not reinforce it, we would not be evolving correctly, and in this case we could not speak of the Michelangelo effect.
Likewise, it is important to emphasize that This modification relationship that is established is healthy and balanced That is, we should not make the mistake of interpreting this effect as a toxic relationship where the intention is to change the other as we want, without focusing on reinforcing the positive characteristics that we know are important to our partner, but rather we want it model to our liking without ever having the intention of changing.
Perceived mutual instrumentality
A term linked to this effect is perceived mutual instrumentality, which, far from being a selfish or negative process, refers to the ability of our partner to bring out our best version In this way, the partner will be seen as a positive instrument that reinforces our best qualities through the love and support we receive in the face of some of our most valued behaviors, thus producing a model that will exploit our maximum potential.
Thus, we once again observe that in the couple’s sphere each of its components will be the perfect reinforcement to enhance the positive qualities of the other, generating a mutually enriching interaction where each member of the couple manages to achieve their ideal self and their personal goals thanks to the constant reinforcement, support and validation that makes them their partner.
We verify that the subject chosen for such modeling is the couple and not another individual close to the person, since it is with them that there will be a stronger and more constant interaction, being a fundamental pillar for us. For this reason, It is normal that we want to show our best version and, therefore, it is easier for our ideal Self to be expressed.
Achieving our goals with support
We see then that the Michelangelo effect aims to work another way to achieve our goals. Normally, and more so in the society we live in, it is common for the approach taken to achieve our goals to be individual, that is, without support and reinforcement ourselves; but since The path to achieving such goals is usually neither short nor easy It is very likely that we will have moments of weakness where it is difficult for us to continue to achieve our goals, which is why external reinforcement and support from our partner will be essential.
Having someone who encourages us to continue, who gives us unconditional support, who reminds us of our positive qualities and all the good things we have, is essential to help us in our worst moments and not stay anchored in the bad, thus preventing them from appearing. complications or worse consequences such as mood or anxiety disorders.
This function of acting as reinforcement will normally be performed by our partner, since he will be the person with whom we share the most time, being a powerful element of support, since he is someone we value and is important to us. If, on the other hand, we do not feel supported by our partner, it is very likely that we will not be able to achieve our goals
The power of this effect will fall on the good intention and the full knowledge we have of the other person. In other words, this phenomenon will achieve its effect if the couple’s intention is not to change the other, but to bring out the best in them. Therefore, the objective is altruistic, we do not act for our own benefit, but with the purpose of helping and supporting others in achieving their goals and developing their best traits and abilities.
The usefulness of the Michelangelo effect in couples therapy
Thus, we see the importance of the other person, especially those with whom we establish a more intense bond, in achieving our goals and developing our qualities. This effect is used in psychological therapy to treat relationship problems, with the objective that the therapist trains and reinforces the perception of the positive characteristics of the other and not only focuses on the bad.
In this way, it has been seen that the increase in reinforcement and positive consideration of the other and the enhancement of the ideal Self make the relationship more stable and the subjects are more satisfied with it. Likewise, achieving the full development of each member will be the only way to achieve a healthy relationship.
The Michelangelo Effect is a powerful dynamic that can shape relationships in profound ways. By helping each other grow into their ideal selves, partners can build deeper connections, foster personal growth, and strengthen the bond between them. However, it’s crucial to approach this process with care, ensuring that both partners remain true to their own values and aspirations. By practicing open communication, offering genuine support, and respecting boundaries, couples can enjoy the positive aspects of the Michelangelo Effect while minimizing potential drawbacks.
FAQs
What is the Michelangelo Effect in relationships?
The Michelangelo Effect refers to how romantic partners influence each other’s personal growth, helping each other move closer to their ideal selves through support, encouragement, and constructive feedback.
How does the Michelangelo Effect benefit relationships?
It fosters personal growth, strengthens emotional bonds, increases relationship satisfaction, and aligns partners’ goals and visions for the future.
Can the Michelangelo Effect have negative consequences?
Yes, it can lead to unrealistic expectations, dependency on partner validation, or a loss of individuality if not managed carefully.
How can couples encourage the Michelangelo Effect in their relationship?
Couples can practice open communication, offer genuine support, respect boundaries, and celebrate each other’s successes to cultivate a healthy Michelangelo Effect.
How does the ideal self factor into the Michelangelo Effect?
The ideal self is the version of oneself that each person aspires to be. In the Michelangelo Effect, partners help each other grow and evolve toward their ideal selves through supportive actions and encouragement.
