Relationships involve an important commitment. Therefore, in the event that our romantic partner is affected by any circumstance, it is natural to provide them with the necessary support to overcome the situation they are going through.
This is something that many people are clear about when facing a certain thought that comes to mind: “My partner has depression, what can I do to help him?”
In this article we will look at some useful tools to offer support when a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife has depression, we will briefly review what this mental disorder is and distinguish state depression from trait depression.
What are depressive symptoms?
Depression can be defined as a mental disorder that consists intense and prevalent states of sadness and demotivation (avolition) If a person has depression, it is most likely that their partner (if they have one) notices in their daily attitude that something strange is happening.
It is important to establish if it is a depressive state, which would be temporary; or if, on the contrary, we are in the presence of a depressive trait, which indicates that the behavior associated with depression is more prevalent over time. In any case, These types of evaluations can only be done by a mental health professional
My partner has depression: what do I do?
When it happens that our partner has depression, the situation is complex, but we must be clear that the problem can be overcome; No one is predestined to suffer emotionally indefinitely. Of course, you should proceed as soon as possible and with professional help. And it is that Although here we see several tips, everything involves going to psychotherapy Depression is a severe psychopathology that must be addressed by mental health experts; there are no “shortcuts” that allow you to skip that step.
Furthermore, it must be determined whether these are specific depressive states or whether the behavior is persistent, although ultimately it is the therapists who make the diagnosis.
Next let’s see how we should proceed from the role of someone whose partner has or could have depression.
1. Do not downplay the matter, understand that it is an illness
We must avoid underestimating the emotional moment our partner is going through. The thoughts and feelings that plague her are not on a whim and they should not be seen as personal attacks on others, no matter how much their consequences harm third parties. These symptoms can be due to both organic and social causes.
2. Keep in mind that even if it doesn’t seem like it, your partner needs you
The symptoms of depression can make it seem that we are indifferent to our partner, but this is not true. We must understand that their behavior responds to the symptoms we should not distance ourselves from her, especially when she feels vulnerable.
3. Offer active listening
In most cases, just being there for that person is very supportive. Our couple needs to vent their emotions with total freedom we must make her feel comfortable telling us what is happening to her.
4. Don’t put pressure
We must be careful with the words we use when our partner has a depressive condition, there are phrases that can be counterproductive. It is best to propose clear activities, avoiding phrases like “be calm” or “that has to happen to you” which They can sound like a demand and a call to do nothing to feel better
5. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes
This refers to providing as much empathy as possible, taking into account that things that are simple for you can be complicated for your partner. For example, shopping or preparing a meal at home is often a challenge for someone with depression, due to a lack of motivation and energy.
6. Don’t blame yourself for what you suffer
As we’ve mentioned before, it’s not your partner’s fault that you’re depressed, and it’s not your fault either. Do not think that their behavior is due to personal reasons related to you or for which you are the person responsible. Depression escapes the control of those who experience it directly and their close circle.
7. Avoid creating false expectations
We must take into account that the solution will not come overnight It is a personal and gradual process, in which our partner must realize and face the situation at their own pace. We should not rush into looking for easy or quick solutions, as this will only cause more frustration.
8. Stay close
Let your partner see that you are interested in them, show them that despite their situation they can count on you and that you are there to support them, without becoming invasive or demanding. Simply support her through your understanding and company.
9. Relieves emotional tension
It attempts to serve as a means for him or her to drain the pressure and the tension generated by depression and family, academic or work situations that may be triggering factors for more intense depressive episodes. Try to lighten that load on your partner.
10. Avoid reproaches
Don’t blame him for not wanting to get out of bed, or for his lack of appetite. Remember that you are the victim of a symptomatology that affects the functioning of your nervous system. It encourages change through assertiveness and not through complaints, which is counterproductive in these cases.
11. Motivate her to seek help
Without it being a requirement or an imposition, we can get our loved one interested in seeking professional help Explaining the benefits and telling her that therapy can help her get better are good ways to do this.
12. Congratulate them on their progress
On the occasions when your partner makes efforts to overcome depression and manages to reach his goals, no matter how small they may seem to someone who is not going through it, you should congratulate him and show him that We also recognize that milestone
13. Accompany her to therapy
Attending therapy with our partner has an important meaning in terms of the support component we provide. Us we can be part of the support team for our partner (as a new patient who is taking her first steps in therapy), which includes family members, the therapist, and if necessary, also the psychiatrist.
Of course, psychological therapy should be an essential factor in the recovery process of people with depression. It is not an accessory aid, it is one of the fundamental pillars of improving mood, and a support that contributes significantly to the cessation of symptoms, even the most serious ones (such as suicidal ideation).
Therefore, someone who wants to help their partner with depression must act on two fronts: accompany that loved one at that moment in their life, and help engage in therapy and apply the instructions of the mental health professionals who are responsible for monitoring the treatment.
Final recommendation
Finally, it is important to emphasize that the situation our partner with depression goes through It doesn’t have to be permanent Just as the crisis came, it can go away, although certain consequences usually remain (at least with regard to emotional memory).
Many times, when the person does not know what to do in a situation, that is when depression occurs. It is not enough to help him resolve that situation, it is necessary to provide him with the tools so that he has the ability to solve by herself the situations that cause negative feelings This is what is worked on during therapy. But, at the same time, you should not leave that person alone, since in that state they will not be able to overcome it and see a hopeful solution.