Do you have someone around you with whom you have difficulty having deep conversations because no matter how many times you try to reach them, it always seems really impossible? It is as if your conversations are going nowhere and even though you share many moments with the person, as soon as the topic of emotions comes up, it closes and there is no way for it to reopen. If all of this resonates with someone close to you, it is very likely that you are dealing with an emotionally distant person
Individuals who are emotionally unavailable have great difficulty managing and expressing their emotions. On a daily basis, this is reflected when it is difficult for them to talk about their feelings, to give them a name, they avoid topics or situations that lead to emotions and it is all due to the fact that they do not feel comfortable either with their own feelings or with the emotional expression of the people around him. This seriously affects their interpersonal relationships, whether in love, family, friendships, etc.
In this article we will see what to do when faced with the experience of suffering from a feeling that “my partner is emotionally distant “, with keys to communication and management of feelings.
What to do if your partner is emotionally distant?
Emotionally distant people are, in short, cold, since they do not seem to feel or suffer, and are sometimes even confused with an introverted personality. This has implications for relationships and love lives in general, as we are.
We would like to clarify that being emotionally distant has nothing to do with this. In fact, they are often criticized and judged since very few people are able to really understand what is happening to them. It is important to know the term in question in order to help, as much as possible, this group of people.
It is important to distinguish and identify the behaviors and attitudes of emotionally distant people. Below, we insert a list where you can begin to reflect and realize if you are really dealing with an emotionally unavailable person:
Where does this emotional inaccessibility come from?
Each person is different, therefore, the reasons to understand the why or origin of their emotional distancing are also diverse. However, the numerous studies carried out on the subject suggest that it could be closely related to the attachment received from parents in childhood.
Now what is attachment? It is the bond that is created from the first moments of life between the mother or father and the newborn. Attachment is responsible for providing security to the child in threatening situations. John Bowlby, the author related to attachment theory, explains that there are 4 types:
Returning to the topic, it seems that avoidant attachment is at the basis of emotionally hermetic people. Children who do not experience adequate responses to their emotional needs become adults with invisible and indestructible emotional barriers. They find it uncomfortable to be intimate with someone since they have never felt protected and the only way to feel good has been to walk away and avoid creating any type of bond. Likewise, it seems that culture and gender also influence whether people develop this coldness in their emotions.
What to do to deal with an emotionally distant person?
The first step for everything is to accept. Accept that you will most likely have to make numerous attempts until the person opens up to you and may even tell you the least. You shouldn’t get frustrated by this; You may think he’s not trying hard enough, but For an emotionally distant person to open up and tell their feelings, no matter how minimal they may be, is already an enormous advance Therefore, value every little detail that you have with you, since we assure you that the person is putting a lot of effort into it (even if from the outside it seems quite the opposite).
Taking it a step further, you must also accept that there is a possibility that he will simply never open up to you or anyone else. This may generate such helplessness in you that you end up getting tired and decide to completely cut off the emotional bond you have with that person. Therefore, it is important to pay attention to what works in your relationship and what doesn’t, what behaviors make the person close off and which ones cause the opposite feeling. This can help you see things more clearly and from there make the decisions you consider appropriate.
Besides, you must verbalize what you are feeling and what is happening to you Communicate it to the person but always with an appropriate tone of voice, with simple and concise phrases. It is also extremely important that you do not reproach him or complain about anything since this will only make him close down little by little. You have to try to put your emotions aside and think rationally. Don’t take everything he says and does to heart, don’t transform it into something yours. You must understand that the other person does not feel comfortable in their situation either and that if you want to maintain the relationship, you have to serve as support and guide for them.
