‘My Partner Only Sees The Bad Things About Me’: Possible Causes And What To Do
In a couple’s life, not everything is joy and happy moments. Sometimes our boyfriend/girlfriend or husband makes comments to us that don’t sit well with us. This does not mean that he wishes us any harm, but it does mean that there are certain criticisms that can hurt no matter how right he may be.
It is especially painful when it seems that the person who is supposed to be by our side because he likes us only focuses on our weaknesses, completely ignoring all the good that is supposed to be what attracts him to us.
If you are one of those who say “my partner only sees the bad in me” keep reading because this is your article.
“My partner only sees the bad in me”: characteristics of this problem
Nobody is perfect. There are many things that define us that could be better, both physical aspects and personality, plus on more than one occasion we make mistakes. All of this is normal and it is also normal for our partner to criticize us on occasion, something that, far from being taken as very bad, does not have to be negative at all, as long as it is communicated assertively and in specific situations.
In any healthy relationship, both parties must make an effort to create an environment where they feel comfortable with each other , and that it is free of any type of abuse, disrespect and toxic behavior. Receiving criticism from someone you love and who is supposed to love you generates a lot of insecurity and anxiety, in addition to making life as a couple extremely difficult because it is difficult to be affectionate with someone who constantly reminds you of all your flaws.
When we are with someone for a long time who constantly focuses on everything bad about us and ignores the many good things that characterize us, it is normal for us to carry out the following three behaviors.
Avoidance is the most common response when we don’t like something done to us, such as in this case only being criticized. The problem with this behavior is that prevents us from solving problems and, therefore, they remain, worsening with the passage of time.
2. Couple arguments
The frustration generated by being targets of constant criticism makes anger arise an emotion that predisposes us to argue with our partner, returning criticism.
3. Learned helplessness
The criticized person learns that, no matter what they do, the result will be the same She becomes trapped in a situation of learned helplessness, seeing that it is of no use to her to try to solve the problem and ends up allowing her to continue, even though this exhausts her psychologically.
Why does my partner constantly criticize me?
Receiving criticism from our partner at a specific moment, said in an assertive and respectful way, is synonymous with a healthy life as a couple. If behind this criticism there is a clear intention for us to improve as people, this should be seen as a constructive comment, beneficial both for our relationship and for us as individuals , helping us grow as people. It may feel bad because no one likes to be told they do something wrong, but it can help us learn to improve.
However, when they only tell us the bad things we do and there is a clear intention to harm us, we find ourselves in a very toxic and harmful situation, damaging our relationship and reducing our self-esteem. Among the reasons that make our partner constantly criticize us we have:
1. Insecurity
It usually happens that people who are self-conscious, far from trying to improve their defects and solve their problems, project them onto others. They feel like they can’t change who they are, so they prefer to detect the flaws in others and tell them so that they too are unhappy with themselves.
2. Lack of tolerance
If our partner constantly criticizes us, it may be because he or she is a very intolerant person towards what he or she considers to be wrong. There are people who do not accept under any frustrating circumstances or the possibility that things will not be done well which causes them a lot of anxiety.
They feel above us, believing in the right that they can tell others that they are not doing the right things and that they should be more like them, since They really believe they are better than most
4. Lack of assertiveness
Maybe what really happens is that he doesn’t just focus on our bad things, what happens is that When he tries to talk to us about our defects, he does so with a tone or manner that seems to be a personal attack
5. He no longer feels the same
He no longer feels the same way about you or, directly, he no longer loves you. The relationship has been losing strength and what were once moments of affection and intimacy have now become having to be next to someone who supports less every day , which is why the bad things we have begin to stand out. The relationship has become toxic.
6. Lack of empathy
Empathy is a fundamental quality in every social relationship and, if you do not have it, it has a negative impact on your life as a couple. Lack of empathy implies not being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, not knowing how to interpret the emotions of others and not thinking about other people’s feelings. This often becomes synonymous with hurting someone, even if they don’t realize it.
What to do if your partner makes you feel bad?
The thought of “my partner only sees the bad in me” or other similar thoughts such as “my partner makes me feel bad”, “my partner does not value me”, “my partner only notices my weaknesses” They are valid reasons for concern, which are usually not based on things in our imagination If we have come to think all of this it will be for a reason and, although there is not necessarily malice in the criticism that our partner gives us, it is clear that they do not make us feel good and that it is necessary to take action on the matter.
Next we will see what to do to try to address this situation.
1. Pay attention
First of all, We must look and see if we are in a healthy relationship, where affection and admiration are present, or we are trapped in a toxic relationship , where the only thing our partner tells us is criticism about how badly we do this and that. We may be in a relationship where there is criticism, but if we can talk openly, without reproaches or disrespect, then we should not worry too much.
You may be interested: “Active listening: the key to communicating with others”
If our partner makes us feel bad with his critical and negative attitude, speaking badly to us and only highlighting our defects, it is necessary to talk about it. It is important to say things clearly, make you aware of how it is making us feel and see how you react to it
3. Go to couples therapy
If the other party is willing, going to couples therapy is one of the best options to improve the situation. It should be noted that this type of therapy, as its name suggests, is a matter for two and that if one of the two lovers does not want to go, couples therapy simply cannot be applied.
Instead, The simple fact that our partner shows interest in attending is already something positive because it means that there is a real interest in improving the situation or, at least, making us feel better by going to a place that aims to remove toxicity from our relationship.
4. End the relationship
Our boyfriend or husband may defend himself, saying that he tells us about our defects because he loves us and wants us to solve them. This argument would be completely valid if it weren’t for the fact that he only sees the bad, damages our self-esteem and is not critical of himself first, trying to overcome his own defects that, like ourselves, it is clear that he has.
We must accept the fact that We will not always be lucky and our relationship may not improve, continuing the negative criticism and attacks towards us As individuals, we must prioritize our own mental well-being and if continuing in a relationship is seriously detrimental to him, and there is no interest in changing on the part of the other person, the time has come to end the relationship.
