School is one of the main areas that help us develop and learn. Of course, going to school is something that some children experience with excitement and joy, while others find it tedious or distressing.
In fact, sometimes we can find children who for some reason refuse to go to the center and express strong opposition to this idea. And this can be worrying, especially if the child in question is our son.
For this reason, many fathers and mothers consider…”What to do if my child doesn’t want to go to school? “Let’s discuss some ideas about it throughout this article.
What to do when my child doesn’t want to go to school?
“I don’t want to go to school.” It is probably something that many parents will have heard on more than one occasion regardless of the age of their children. But beyond the mere lack of desire to go to school and follow the classes and the normal operation of the center, this phrase can hide a large number of reasons.
All of them are important and it is worth considering what could lead our son to say that, and put some kind of solution
In this sense, it is necessary to first find out why so that later we can act accordingly, and then start taking effective measures.
1. Evaluate the why
Although there is great variability when it comes to what going to school means for children on a cognitive and emotional level, the truth is that An insistent refusal to go to school should first of all make us reflect on why
In many cases it will be due to lack of desire, preferring to have fun at home or playing, for fear of separating from parents, for experiencing it as an obligation or for lack of interest and motivation, but we can also be faced with a school phobia, a resistance due to feelings of inadequacy, the experience of stressful situations such as parental divorce, births or deaths, or suffering from bullying. It is even possible that they are physically ill or are going through an illness (although be careful with possible pretenses).
Analyze the causes that lead the minor to refuse to go to school It can allow you to establish an appropriate strategy to motivate you to do so or to solve possible problems you may be having. Among the different aspects that must be taken into account for this, some of the main ones may be the following.
One of the main bases of any type of positive relationship is communication.
In father/mother-child relationships this is especially important, so that the little one can express their feelings, fears and thoughts with confidence and without fear of telling what may be happening to him.
3. Take into account their motivations and difficulties
Sometimes the lack of desire to go to school is caused by the lack of motivation to do so, or by the existence of problems when following classes or understanding certain aspects of them.
This is why taking into account your child’s interests and understanding what motivates him It can be useful to optimize your skills and promote your development and willingness to learn
Also detecting possible difficulties is a first step to establish some type of guideline or help that we can provide, such as helping you with your homework, explaining some concepts that you do not understand or even turning to private teachers.
4. Check if there are noticeable differences in their attitude before and after school
Sometimes the existence of changes in behavior and moods between before and after going to school may be telling us that something may have happened to him, even more so if he refuses to go to school.
In this sense, it may be useful discuss it with him or her in an assertive and non-invasive way so that the child can express himself freely.
5. Have there been recent changes in the child’s home or situation?
Another element to take into account when trying to assess why our child does not want to go to school is the fact that there may have been some important change or phenomenon that represents a considerable change for him.
For example, the death of a close family member can generate fear of losing another loved one or dying, something that can make some children unwilling to leave their families or leave home for a long time.
The same goes for divorces and a possible feeling of pain or even the belief that the separation is your fault or at the birth of a brother or sister, whether it is out of jealousy or wanting to protect them.
6. Talk about it with the center and teachers
Another element that may be important is to maintain fluid communication with the center, so that if something happens, said information can be shared.
This is useful both when it comes to informing yourself as the child’s parent and for notifying aspects that school professionals may have overlooked. Also allows generating strategies to solve possible problems such as bullying or the presence of stressful experiences.
Likewise, it is also important to take into account aspects such as the child’s grades or agenda, which can give us clues to the presence of difficulties in one or more areas or problems in class, whether with students, teachers or subjects.
7. Friends and other parents: other sources of information
Another possible source of information that we can go to to find out if the reason our child does not want to go to school is because something has happened to him or simply to obtain another point of view can involve going to friends and other parents.
It’s not about questioning them about our son , but they can often tell if something has happened in class that might be interesting. Now, we must keep in mind that we should first talk to our offspring, not just go to others.
How to react positively
So far we have visualized some elements or aspects to take into account when assessing what may be happening to our child. But Just knowing what is happening is not going to help us much since at the end of the day we have to give some kind of response to this situation.
In this sense, some guidelines for action that may be useful are the following.
1. Be interested in the situation
Although it may seem simple and is often not taken into account on a conscious level, clearly showing interest to the child in what he or she does and in his refusal to go to school can be very helpful. And the fact that we approach his concerns is a sign of concern and support for him.
It is important to do this approach in a positive way, without overwhelming, violating or invading your privacy but by showing that we care.
2. Positive attitude towards school
Going to school is an activity that can be experienced in many ways, but it involves performing tasks that sometimes we do not like.
In this sense, it is essential act as a model for the minor showing a positive attitude towards school and academics.
Parents who show obvious rejection or dislike of studying, who indicate that studying is a waste of time, or who ridicule those who do it, will make it more likely that school will be viewed negatively by their children.
3. Support them in their tasks
The tasks carried out at school can sometimes be complicated, and some subjects can be a source of distress and discomfort for students if they are not able to understand them. In this sense it may be appropriate support them and help them with their homework something that also shows interest in him or her as a person and allows us to share time with our loved one.
Of course, we are talking about helping, not about doing their homework or taking away responsibilities.
4. Promotes your self-esteem and sense of self-efficacy
Whatever the reason why our child does not want to go to school, trusting them and promoting their self-esteem and the thought that they are capable of doing it is very useful. In this sense, you have to show interest and support, make him see and reinforce his achievements unconditionally and maximize his potential.
The overdemands on the part of the environment They will help the little one feel that everything they do could be better and that it is never enough We must avoid destructive criticism, devaluation and comparisons with others.
On the other hand, overprotection is also negative, since the child himself may see himself as useless and feel that without external help he is not capable of achieving anything. It is about the child seeing himself as someone valid while feeling that in case of need he can resort to the help of others.
5. Neither rewards nor punishments
It is important to keep in mind that punishing the lack of desire to go to school can be counterproductive and can transform school itself into something aversive. So, We do not have to punish those who say or feel that they do not want to go
In the same way, the opposite should not be rewarded, since in that case going to school or expressing a desire to do so would become a means to obtain rewards.
What we must ensure is that going to school is a natural act that we may or may not feel like doing but that must be done.
6. Contact the center
Depending on the reason for the refusal, it may be necessary to go to the educational center and talk with those responsible regarding the problem that causes it and with the teachers We are talking about cases such as bullying, or to agree on joint strategies to solve other problems.
7. Successive approximation
Especially when we are dealing with very young children, after a vacation period or when some traumatic situation has occurred for the minor, it may be appropriate for the child’s introduction to the center to be carried out gradually and progressively.
That is, perhaps it may be convenient that they first spend a shorter period of time at school so that they get used to it and reducing the level of anxiety generated by being at school.
8. Sleep hygiene
A final recommendation that can help facilitate a better willingness to go to school is to solve one of the possible causes of resistance to going to school: sleeping poorly
In this sense, it is advisable to ensure that the minor has enough time to rest and sleep during the night, following a stable schedule (You don’t have to always go to sleep at the exact same time, but you should always or usually go to sleep at a specific time).
And not only the schedule, it is also important that the place where you sleep has stable and sleep-friendly conditions: light, temperature, space or stimuli that can distract the child (for example screens) must be controlled.
It is also advisable that the bed be reserved for sleeping and that it not become a usual place for other activities, since otherwise the child could associate the bed with stimuli that activate him and find it more difficult to fall asleep.
9. Seek professional help
It should be noted that depending on the case, its origin and whether or not means are found to solve it, it may be necessary and advisable to go to professionals, either from the center itself (if they have them) or externally. Among these professionals we can find advisors, psychologists, speech therapists, physiotherapists or even lawyers in some serious cases.
