My Son Doesn’t Want To Study: Possible Causes And What To Do
Studying is one of those tasks that many boys and girls perceive as unpleasant. Getting into it is difficult and of course, they would rather be playing or watching television than opening their textbook and doing their homework.
Although they usually associate it as a boring task, the majority of boys and girls start doing it. What remedy? Obligations are obligations and at such a young age, studying is the only obligatory thing in their lives.
However, sometimes there are children who do not study at all. This is an obviously problematic situation because without bending your elbows it is a matter of time before your academic performance becomes poor.
Has this happened to you as a parent? Do you have a child who doesn’t study at all? If you have told yourself over and over again that “my son doesn’t want to study,” here is why and what you can do Keep reading to find out.
My son doesn’t want to study: Why is this happening?
Boys and girls should be happy. The first years of life are those that are remembered with the most joy because the innocence and freedom of not having too many obligations color those beautiful memories.
Apart from going to school and learning what is taught there, children do not have any other important obligations. The rest is playing with friends, enjoying your free time with all kinds of fun alone or with friends and living a carefree life.
The only obligation of boys and girls is to study. The little ones must do the homework they are given, open their textbook from time to time to prepare for exams, and pay attention in class. This is also applicable to adolescents who, although they may have some other obligation in the form of taking care of their younger siblings or helping at home, the truth is that The only constant in the life of studying minors is to dedicate part of their time to the obligation to study
However, studying is not seen as a pleasant or comfortable task. While there are boys and girls who greatly enjoy learning, others see it as something they would prefer to avoid if they could. The latter end up learning what they have to study in the end because they have no other option. Just because they don’t like studying doesn’t mean they don’t end up doing it, perhaps with some distaste, but in the end they sink their elbows.
But there are many boys and girls who do not want to study at all. They don’t open their books, they don’t do their homework, and they even miss answering exams. The parents of these children may become angry as soon as they find out about their children’s poor performance, thinking that perhaps this way they will wake up and do the only obligation you have in your young lives, but things are not that simple.
There may be several reasons why our little one does not study and getting angry with him or her will only make things worse. The reasons why your child does not want to study may be the following.
1. Lack of motivation
Human beings do tasks or activities because we have an objective or motivation. In the case of children, their main responsibility is to learn but, simply, if they do not feel motivated, they will not start studying. If this is the case, this is where we have to put ourselves in our role as parents and explain to them the importance of studying, making them understand the many benefits it implies for their future
Make an effort and be creative. Try to find fun and educational ways to teach your child to study, instead of using punishment or penalties as the main method. Try to know a little more about what your child is like, pay attention to what he likes and reinforce him so that he moves in that direction, this way he will feel more motivated to do it because he will see that it is actually something he likes.
2. Not understanding some subjects
There are easier subjects and others more difficult, something to which is also added the interest and talent that the child may have for certain subjects. Without there necessarily being a learning problem, the child may not understand some content. The less you understand, the less motivated you feel to study and you may even think that you are really not very intelligent or that he is worse than his peers. Clearly, if this were your belief, we would be facing a major self-esteem problem.
Whatever the specific case may be, It is crucially important that parents identify the cause and, if necessary, help their little one reinforce those subjects that he or she does not understand You may simply need the lesson explained a few more times, or you may need a few extra examples.
It is possible that what he does not understand about the subjects is a trifle, so small that the moment he understands it he begins to do well in that subject, seeing that he really understands it and that he is not less intelligent or inferior than the rest of his classmates. If he really has a lot of difficulties with a subject, it is not a bad thing to go to review or ask the teacher to give us some type of reinforcement material for our child.
3. Family problems
Children are very sensitive to how their parents’ relationship is Many adults believe that children are not aware of the problems in their home, but the reality is very different. Little ones pay a lot of attention to their parents’ arguments, even when they seem to be focused on something else like playing or watching television. They are sensitive enough to sense when things are not going well and, obviously, they are even more sensitive when they witness domestic violence.
Violence in the home affects children directly, by witnessing violence or receiving it, and indirectly, when the problems cause their parents to be absent or irritated, incapable of carrying out their role as caregivers of their children. Among the many negative effects that violence has on children, we have poor school performance, caused both by problems concentrating on family problems and also a way of showing that they are affected by what is happening at home.
4. Bullying
Bullying is, unfortunately, a very common phenomenon in schools The violent behavior of some students, both physically and verbally, can be a real hell for their victims. Even in primary schools this phenomenon occurs, worsening in secondary and high school education. It is a scourge for which there is still a lot of effort and work to be done.
The child who suffers bullying loses interest in studying. Bullying is one of the main determinants of school failure. Being a victim of mistreatment from classmates, in the form of threats, insults, humiliation and physical attacks, takes away the desire to start studying.
The boy sees school not as a safe place to learn, but as a hostile environment in which other children are going to hurt him and he will not be able to leave there for 8 hours a day from Monday to Friday. The bullied child has problems concentrating, paying attention and is hypervigilant in class fearing the next attack.
We must find out if our child is a victim of bullying at school. Sometimes it is difficult, because there are children who are afraid to tell their parents or feel embarrassed. As parents, we should not have any qualms about going to the school or institute, speaking directly to the tutor and finding out what the situation is.
If we know the parents of the children who are bullying our child, we must talk to them With a little luck they will be against what their children are doing and will talk to them seriously. If unfortunately this is not the case, it may be a good option to warn other parents of what the bully is doing so that their children are safe and notify the class tutor.
Whatever the case, show our son that as parents we are not going to consent to this abuse and that we give him all our support.
What can we do to help our child study?
Now that we have seen the main causes behind our child not wanting to study, we are going to see a series of strategies that you can use to change the situation. Although we have already half-introduced some of them with their respective causes, below we will explain the main ones in more detail.
1. Create study spaces
It is very important that there are rooms in the house designed for you to sink your elbows. They must be conducive spaces for study, where there are no distracting stimuli such as noise, television or the console The desk should be spacious for books, pens, pencils and all the materials you need to study. If you have to leave the room to look for something, you are likely to get distracted, so we need to make sure you have everything you need without having to interrupt your study.
2. Organize the study
If it is still very small, It is a very good idea to help your child organize their study and homework One may think that they will end up learning responsibility and organization on their own, but the truth is that children learn from their parents and if we are neither organized nor responsible, neither will our children be.
For this reason, during the first school years, it is important to help your child with their school calendar. Organize with it a calendar for each of the school months. In this way, he will learn how to organize himself and, in the future, he will do it on his own without anyone’s help, keeping in mind when he has to deliver something or take an exam.
This can be a very fun task Use different colored markers for each task, such as one color for exams, another for deliveries, and another for the week’s homework. The calendar you make should be placed in a visible place in the house or that the child sees often, such as the door to her room, so it will not be forgotten.
3. Establish a routine
Little ones need stability and routine to function well. This is not only applicable to study hours, but also to meal, leisure and sleep schedules. As parents, we should establish a more or less stable schedule during the week to generate a routine, making boys and girls internalize schedules that, even if it is to do something they don’t like, they end up doing it out of inertia.
Snack and dinner should always be at the same time every day. Study time can be shortly after eating, around 5 p.m. or whatever time suits the child best, but always at the same time. As for sleep, they should always go to sleep before 10 p.m. at the latest and make sure they sleep a minimum of 8 hours because it is already known that bad sleep is synonymous with poor academic performance.
Related article: “How to generate new healthy habits?”
4. Combat frustration and promote emotional management
Emotions modulate the degree to which we learn something It is very difficult to learn when we are angry, unmotivated or upset because the task seems too long or difficult. If this can cost us as adults, it will cost even more for a child who still does not have good management of their emotions.
We must observe the child while he studies, Let’s see if he shows signs of frustration that make learning difficult In this context, our help and management of the situation is essential. For example, if the little one has a hard time reading an entire topic in a row, we can divide it into two smaller ones and take a break between them. If we see that he is tired, frustrated or moody, it is better to stop and try to calm him down before insisting that he continue.
But beware! This does not mean that we allow him to take a break so that he can start playing or dedicate himself to leisure. This pause should be to calm him down, calm him down, try to get him in the right mood so he can start studying and teach him to manage his emotions. The idea is to avoid at all costs associating studying or homework with a negative situation, but also Avoid teaching him that if he seems frustrated while studying, let him take a break to play
5. Studying is not just reading the book
Studying is not limited to reading the textbook and trying your luck to see if you remember what you read. If this is already something that university students themselves have a hard time understanding… Can you imagine primary school children? Thus, It is essential to explain to them that reading the book or limiting themselves to doing homework is not studying, but that they have to do other tasks to consolidate learning
Make notes in the margins of the pages, create diagrams and summaries of the texts, review the tables and charts in the textbook… These are just some examples of tasks that contribute to making learning deeper and more meaningful instead of a task. purely rote.
Should parents help their children study?
One of the most discussed debates about children’s education is whether parents should help them study. Parents should show interest in how their children’s studies are going not only at the time of receiving the grades, but throughout the course They should see if they are doing their homework, if they are really learning, and if they are studying for the exams. This does not mean being aware of them at all hours or always doing homework with them, but it does mean showing enough interest to show that we are there, supporting them.
The answer to the question of whether parents should help their children study depends on the situation:
On the one hand the answer is “yes”, as long as it is beneficial to do so. Especially with younger children, it is recommended that parents help them study in ways such as checking spelling or checking to see if they have done a math problem correctly and teach them in case it is incorrect. In this way, parents act as reinforcing support that provides security to the child, making sure to avoid any misunderstanding of a certain topic or exercise.
On the other hand, the answer is “no” when we know that the child is capable of doing his or her homework or studying on his or her own. Helping them study is not doing their homework or solving things for them without them trying Helping involves making them understand what they have done wrong in a certain exercise or resolving any doubts, but allowing them to take an active role and promoting autonomy when they start studying.
And we must always be clear thatHelp and support must be given slowly and lovingly Helping with a displeased face, using a tone as if he were less intelligent, does not help in the least and makes him associate the study with a fight or contempt from his parents, those people who are supposed to love him unconditionally. What you should do as a parent is evaluate what he has done well and, if he has done something wrong, explain it to him well.
Reinforcing him when he does well is essential for his learning so that he is more motivated to study and does not associate homework or studying with an unpleasant moment.
