For the narcissistic mother, what you achieve in life is of primary importance. Her daughter’s success will depend on what she does, not who she is!
First of all, I want to specify that I speak expressly about the relationship with daughters because it occurs with them more than with sons.
The narcissistic mother tends to live success-oriented with great obsession, and therefore will expect her daughter to perform at the highest possible level. For example, she will be proud of their good grades, of winning tournaments, of being admitted to the right university, and of graduating with the relevant degrees, so that she can brag about it to other mothers, family members, or people. of your environment. They are absorbing, and not at all empathetic, they need the evaluation of others regarding their success as a mother in dominating aspects of their daughter’s life.
Problem? Yes one narcissistic mother Obsessed with success, she notices that her daughter No reaches what she believes they should be, the ideal she has formed, she will feel deeply embarrassed, ashamed and will even manifest an unbridled attack of fury and rage against the daughter.
When the daughter tries to achieve a given goal, the narcissistic mother will not lend her any support since he has had the audacity to make decisions without counting on her, denying her emotional support. But, if her daughter achieves the goals that the mother wants, then she will smile at her, reinforcing her dominance in her relationship over the aspects of her life. This contradictory message will make the daughter feel feelings of insecurity.
Comes into play then, a dynamic confusing and harmful in the relationship.
Due to the characteristics of a narcissistic mother, it becomes difficult to establish a special connection with the daughter. I insist, the damage is expanding!
What does the daughter learn?
TO don’t expect much support nor containment from his narcissistic mother, unless he becomes quite a successwhich prepares her for a low self-esteem and anxiety in his adult life. In addition, living success with great obsession.
Brief history:
Carol grew up feeling controlled by what her mother wanted for her. She took piano lessons for seven years and played recitals, as well as for her mother’s friends. When she was old enough to decide, she failed the piano exam where her mother wanted her to be. He manifested a fit of fury towards Carol. After that she didn’t go near a piano for twelve years. When she left home and had her own home she wanted to have a piano to play for herself. She still can’t play in front of her mother. When she started going to therapy she had to stop playing again because it made her relive all of her old problems with her mother. She continues to have a love-hate relationship with the piano.
Somehow, the line was crossed between what benefited her mother and what benefited her. She was a trophy for her mother.
After all this, the good news is that the damage that a mother with this personality disorder can cause can be repaired with identification and awareness of the problem, psychological distance, giving herself permission to cry and express what she feels, and experiencing the duel.
Psychotherapy is also recommended to overcome the ravages of this relationship.
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