Narcissistic Parental Abuse: What It Is And What Effects It Has On Children
All boys and girls deserve to have parents or caregivers who provide care, food, clothing, affection and protection, essential elements for their correct development. However, some parents may present certain undesirable behaviors when raising their children, and in some cases, this is caused by a narcissistic psychological alteration.
These parents could appear affectionate and charming, but behind this a component of emotional manipulation would be hidden that is usually difficult to detect. In this article you will learn what narcissistic parental abuse is what are its consequences in infants and how to detect its signs.
Narcissistic parental abuse is the incorrect and unhealthy way of parenting that parents have towards their children. It has to do with those parents who need excessive attention or admiration at the expense of the care, development and well-being that they have supposedly offered to their children
Some parents may present the characterization of a clinical narcissistic personality picture, and others may only present more moderate but also problematic narcissistic personality traits in certain contexts. However, not all parents who have this pathology tend to emotionally abuse their children.
While some narcissistic parents are easy to detect, in other cases this is not the case. The former often tend to provide themselves with high levels of importance and display destructive and selfish behavior. However, the seconds They seem charming and affectionate, but deep down they may have inherent feelings of resentment and jealousy toward their own children. Likewise, due to the image they project towards others, it is very important for them to demand high levels of demand and perfection in their children in order to be able to add them to that perfect image that they tend to show to others because they consider their children as if they were. were their achievements.
Characteristics of parents who commit narcissistic parental abuse
A typical characteristic of narcissistic parents is that they believe they have no limits, because They violate the privacy that their children claim so they check your phones or personal things without prior authorization.
Likewise, some may be very involved in their children’s lives, waiting for the minors to share everything with them, or they demand to know where they are and what they do all the time, out of a controlling desire (after all, they see their children as their personal projects).
Another typical characteristic of these parents is that They do not tolerate mistakes, failures or imperfections that their children may have, and establish goals that their children must meet so that they can achieve their expectations. In addition to this, many of them tend to apply physical, verbal and psychological punishments.
Guys
Now, there are different ways in which narcissistic parental abuse takes shape. Let’s see what its main variants are.
Imposing narcissist
They are parents who They use their children as a source of narcissistic supply These parents force their children to succeed and live vicariously through their children; They accept the recognition or praise that minors receive as if it were their own.
Many times minors do not achieve adequate development of their own identity. It is no coincidence that many minors tend to feel like a trophy and not like a person, that is the main characterization that these parents can have in reference to the treatment they give their children, since many of them only show affection when they are pleased or the minor meets one of his high expectations. In families where there is more than one child, these parents can only give them all the attention and best treatment to the one that meets their demands and expectations.
vulnerable narcissist
They are vulnerable narcissistic parents with emotional instability and insecurities. Vulnerable narcissistic abusive parents appear weak and express their aggression passively, so that it is often difficult to recognize them. The main objective of the covert aggression carried out by parents is to generate or cause psychological damage, leaving conflict and confrontation aside.
These parents usually lack self-confidence, and therefore present feelings of emotional emptiness and to compensate for these feelings of inferiority, they tend to resort to narcissistic control of their children. These parents tend to become angry and depressed when their children move away alone or with a new partner. Thus they can also lose their self-care and sometimes threaten to take their own life.
Psychological effects of narcissistic parental abuse
By placing pressure and high demand for perfection on your children, this can generate a negative impact on the child in their way of doing, thinking and feeling. Considering the lack of understanding or comprehension that the minor has regarding his father, he may not be able to realize what is really happening; it is so will try to meet the high demands and expectations of his or her father or mother which will most often be impossible and will cost you great effort and suffering, damaging your self-esteem.
However, it may happen that some minors tend to ignore these demands, but they will also suffer discomfort in their relationship with their guardians because it will be harmed. Generating in children an idealization of fantasy perfection that they will not be able to achieve will result in frustration, anger, anxiety levels, etc. And in the most extreme cases, it produces trauma.
Signs of a narcissistic parent
Narcissistic parents tend to be difficult to identify by their own children or family members. However, those who have the expertise and preparation to identify them would be psychologists and psychotherapists. However, in this article we will give you some signs that could make you assume that you are facing a father or mother who commits narcissistic parental abuse. Next, we will present you 6 signs:
1. Live through your children
Narcissistic parents tend to generate high expectations not for the own benefit of their children, but for the fulfillment of their own selfish needs or dreams Therefore, instead of raising a son or daughter with their own goals, what they end up doing is raising a child with goals linked to or directed towards their own goals that the parents themselves have. In this way, they live through their children, directly and indirectly demanding from them all the goals and dreams that they really want to achieve or have achieved throughout their lives.
2. Tendency to humiliate their children
Many parents who are narcissistic tend to feel threatened by the great potential and promise of success that their children may have. Consequently, they may strive to humiliate their children into submission and make them adopt a submissive attitude. So, They tend to make irrational judgments, unfair comparisons, reject their achievements, etc Thus, for these parents, their children will never turn out to be good enough, in this way they tend to decrease their children’s confidence.
These parents tend to be very attached to show an image of grandeur and excellence or perfection that does not really exist Many narcissistic parents are very passionate about wanting to show others how special or unique they are by having their children or the life they have. For them it is essential to have the attention of others and of course to have the praise of these people to whom they expose their supposed achievements or privileges. Nowadays, many of these parents tend to use social networks to be able to publish very frequently and habitually the false superficial image that they want to appear to others.
4. Manipulation
It is very common that parents who commit narcissistic parental abuse tend to have very frequent manipulative behaviors. In this way, some parents tend to exaggerate to their children the great efforts they have made for them, and other times They tend to feel guilty about their unbalanced emotional states Other acts that parents carry out are the irrational pressure that they promote in the same way, they execute emotional coercion in order to make their children comply with greater pressure with their ideals or goals, dreams and desires that they really have.
5. Rigidity and inflexibility
Many narcissistic parents are highly rigid, especially when it comes to the behaviors that are expected of their children. They try to regulate and shape the behaviors of these, getting upset when there is a deviation from their demands. It is also very common that many narcissistic parents are very sensitive and tend to lose their temper and explode very easily. On the other hand, the reasons that tend to irritate these parents can vary from their children’s obedience to the mistakes or faults that they supposedly commit.
6. Absence of empathy
Narcissistic parents who commit parental abuse also tend to express a partial or complete inability to consider the feelings and interests of your children and give them due value and importance. Thus, these parents only tend to give value and attention to what interests them and what they feel or think really matters. Some people who are raised under this parental form or style, over time, decide to fight and defend themselves in order to escape the abuse committed by their parents.
