January is par excellence the month of good resolutions Who doesn’t start the year saying: “this year I’m going to…”?
It would seem that with the new year the desire to change, to improve, to innovate, to try new things is also renewed. Perhaps because the change of year is experienced as a change of cycle, a new opportunity to modify aspects of our lives that we would like to be different. Perhaps because it is experienced as a moment of taking stock of the past and devising a new future.
The fact is that those New Year’s resolutions don’t seem to hold up over time. In this, the statistics are clear: only between 10 and 20 percent of these year’s resolutions become real actions beyond two or three months. Studies and surveys show that, For the month of February, 80% of those resolutions have been abandoned
And we already know that people have a natural resistance to change. We already know that our brain likes to make our lives easy and tries to get us to settle in that area of “the known” that apparently gives us a certain feeling of security. And may I add, a false sense of security. Because, as soon as we reflect on it, we realize that uncertainty and change are a constant in our lives.
In fact, on many occasions, people get “stuck” in a spiral of dissatisfaction – fear – frustration. Dissatisfaction in some area of our life, in which we are not obtaining the results we would like to have. Fear of change, fear of leaving that so-called “comfort zone”, that space in which we travel on autopilot, putting little awareness and living attached to those habits that we have been building over time. And frustration for not having changed or for not feeling capable of changing.
A circle that feeds itself
The interesting thing about this circle is that it becomes a vicious circle, which feeds on itself and becomes increasingly difficult to get out of. Until something happens that acts as a trigger. Something happens along our path that makes us aware of what we are losing, of the opportunity cost of continuing to be locked in that vicious circle. And then we started to think about what we would like to happen to us, what we would like to change in our lives. The desire to change begins to be born. AND That’s where New Year’s resolutions come from
But be careful, the simple desire for change is sometimes not a strong enough element for that change to take place. How many wishes end in nothing! How many “I would love to” that remain daydreams, perhaps pleasant, but that in the end do not become realities!
And people only change when we feel the need to change. It’s that simple. That is to say, change occurs when it is fueled by desire and need. The awareness that I want this change and also need it, will add an extra commitment on my part to the try to make it happen
Therefore, and returning to the beginning of our reflection, the key to fulfilling your New Year’s resolutions this year is self-knowledge and motivation.
The keys to fulfilling your New Year’s resolutions (this time yes)
I invite you to do a personal exercise, perhaps with one of those New Year’s resolutions that you are considering. By doing the exercise yourself, you will be able to realize how your perspective changes. Think of a goal that you do want to achieve this year.
1. Get concrete
Try to answer the question: What do I want to achieve?, but in the most specific way possible. Add details, be clear about what each of the words with which you define your objective means to you. For example, let’s imagine that your goal is to “eat better in 2023.” What does “better” mean to you? Does it mean, for example, “healthier food”, “more balanced food”, “less quantity”, “more variety”, etc.? The more specific the goal we set, the more feasible it will be for us to achieve it
Obviously, common sense already warns us of the usefulness of setting realistic objectives. A goal that is clearly unattainable will only lead us to the dissatisfaction of not having achieved it. And it is also very important to be clear in advance what the indicators of success will be, what has to happen for me to know that I have met that objective. Being clear about how I am going to measure my progress will also be a very useful element in moving towards the result I want. Therefore, the first element to consider: determine a specific, realistic and measurable objective.
2. Choose something you have control over
The second element also comes in the form of a question: Who does this objective depend on? And here, there is only one answer: from me. For an objective to be appropriate and more likely to be achieved, It is very important that it be your own That is, it depends only on ourselves.
The concept behind that question is that of “responsibility”, that ability to take charge, to be responsible for what happens to us. That question of asking what we can do to solve what is happening to us, without waiting for something or someone to come and solve it. Let us remember what Gandhi told us, “be the change you want to see in the world.”
3. Make it meaningful to you
If you are already clear about your objective, you have made it specific, realistic and measurable, and you also know that it depends only on you, We can move on to the third element of the equation: the why The question is simple, “why do you want to get it?”, although the answer may be more complex. What really is the purpose of that goal, what you are going to win when you achieve it.
The power of this response is that it guides us to the future and not to the past. It focuses us on change and makes us more aware of the possibility of achieving it. Changing the “whys” to “what for” helps us give consistency to our new actions and is at the basis of the success of the change.
4. Set realistic deadlines
There is only one more element left: time. Be clear in how long you want to achieve your goal And again, I encourage you to make it a realistic and achievable time estimate.
Do you already have your objective well defined, your objective that is right for you? !! Congratulations!! A great first step!
And now that you have your goal, what else should you take into account?
Well, it will be useful to think that change is a path. That in many cases it will not happen overnight, that transformative changes require the creation of new habits, and that this requires reiteration. And this has to do with the functioning of our brain: As we do and do an action again, new neural networks are reinforced which start out as “third-class roads” until they become true highways.
The key is not to abandon old habits, the key is to incorporate new habits. And there is a world in this change of perception.
Another very important concept in this process of change ; On this path towards your objective, it is that of learning. With each experience, with each success and with each error, we can extract new learning that allows us to correct, sustain or incorporate new features on this path of change. By the way, it will also be very important to ally yourself with patience on this path.
Once you are ready to start the path towards your goal, it will be good for you to ally yourself with an emotion that you think will be useful to you. When we are talking about innovating or entering into unknown territory, enthusiasm, hope and curiosity are usually good aids. Because to start a process of change, it will be good for curiosity to outweigh fears. And if it works? What is the worst that can happen to me? And emotions invite us to certain actions, they move us to act in a different way and they make us experience situations from a very different perspective. The key is to understand that we can choose what emotion we want to accompany us on this path.
And finally, it will also help you have some positive and enabling thoughts in mind about yourself to help you sustain your goal in times of difficulty or when obstacles appear. Thoughts like “I am capable of learning it”, “other times I have achieved goals that I thought were unattainable”, etc. can be a great ally.
At this point, in which you have established an appropriate objective, you have chosen an emotion and a thought that will accompany you along the way, you can reinforce your motivation with one more element. You already know that motivation is made of desire, need, but above all of the kilos of desire that you are going to put into achieving what you want. By the way, motivation is a friend of commitment rather than obligation.
“I want to do it” is more motivating than “I have to do it.” What is that missing element? Visualize yourself in that ideal future in which you have already achieved what you wanted. To do this you have your imagination, a wonderful ally to transport you back in time.
You are now ready to, this year, make your New Year’s resolution a reality!
I wish you every success, and I leave you with one last question, “what are you going to do differently starting tomorrow?”
Author: Montserrat Altarriba, Director of the EDPyN Coaching School
