Obsession For Love? 10 Keys To Recognize Limerence
The state of falling in love is a transitory stage where intense emotions appear towards the loved one, which little by little calm down to give way to a period of emotional stability that strengthens the relationship.
From here, and if everything goes well, the relationship is built under a strong bond of love, respect, intimacy and trust.
This phase of falling in love in which we are fascinated by the person we love and which sets in motion chemical mechanisms in our brain that involuntarily fill us with desire, euphoria and excitement, is no longer healthy when a strong need to be is added to it. reciprocated obsessively. That’s when we talk about limerence
Limerence, as defined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, is an involuntary interpersonal state that involves an acute desire for emotional reciprocity; obsessive-compulsive thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and emotional dependence on another person. We talk about an obsessive-compulsive disorder focused on the loved object
10 keys to detect limerence
The 10 most important symptoms to take into account that describe limerence are the following:
Everything leads to the loved one. Every event, place or moment reminds us of the loved one and everything centers on them These are recurring thoughts of an obsessive type, which revolve around the other with the intention of discovering and checking if they love us to the same extent.
2. Fear of rejection
Excessive anxiety appears when thinking about the possible rejection of the other even with physical manifestations of anxiety such as tachycardia, tremors, hyperventilation, dizziness, etc.
3. Compulsive behaviors
The obsessive fear of not being reciprocated translates into compulsive checking behaviors such as directly asking the other about their feelings, or writing messages bringing up topics of conversation to see their interest, compulsively asking others what they think about the relationship, etc.
4. Feeling of euphoria when faced with signs of attention, whether real or not
This can happen during falling in love normally, the difference is that reality is often distorted disproportionately in favor trying to convince ourselves with every little detail that it is significant and that determines that the other corresponds to us.
5. Constant fantasies of reunion and recreation of the encounters experienced
Again The difference here with the normal phase of falling in love is its obsessive and almost constant nature The person can spend hours fantasizing non-stop.
6. Lack of emotional control
The obsessive and therefore anxiogenic condition of limerance, It will inevitably lead to distorted thoughts and emotional reactions of instability
7. Intrusive thoughts about the other person
Thinking about the other does not respond to our control, in addition, the fear of rejection leads to negative thoughts about the feelings of the loved one, of an obsessive type, and that influence emotional destabilization described in the previous point.
During falling in love, we all idealize the other, but in limerance the obsession with being loved by the other and the constant need to check it is disproportionate, not being able to listen to criticism or assume that the other has defects In this way, the distortion about the other can be exaggerated. This would be the case of Don Quixote and the Beautiful Dulcinea del Toboso.
9. Suicidal ideas when faced with the idea of ​​non-correspondence
The anguish at the possibility of not being loved makes the person who suffers obsessively think that life has no meaning without this love, since it is the only important thing, the only thing that gives meaning to their life.
10. Anxiety and/or depression
Maintaining any situation obsessively generates anxiety and a low mood that over time can lead to depression. Furthermore, the fact of focus all our worth almost exclusively on how others see us and whether or not we are reciprocated, greatly weakens self-esteem.
Concluding
Limerence is different from falling in love because it tends to put the selfish desire to be loved before building a relationship. And it can be disabling, since the person who suffers from it can modify their life around that loved object, which prevents them from carrying out their tasks.
In relationships built from respect, intimacy, the search for mutual interests and enjoyment among equals, falling in love is a fascinating period full of joy and satisfaction from sharing, which has nothing to do with limerence; Which one do you prefer?
