Have you found yourself saying to yourself, “you’re a disaster, it’s not going to work out”, “you’re not dedicated enough, it’s going to be bad for you”, “with that appearance, who’s going to love you”?
It hurts just to read these comments and yet, we all have a little inner voice that beats us down mercilessly. Our inner critic is our tendency to be self-critical and overly judgmental of ourselves.
The inner critic that we carry inside is associated:
See if any of this sounds familiar to you:
The inner critic usually has multiple origins, most arise from our interactions during childhood and adolescence. We may have had very busy parents and we may have had to manage the stress of each day without the support and loving guidance of these adults, which may have been very overwhelming.
Some members of our family, teachers or classmates may have been very scathing with us and we may have been left with a deep emotional wound. Maybe someone has judged us cruelly once and we have internalized the idea that we are not worth much. Our inner critic may also be a result of our circle’s and society’s expectations and standards about what constitutes success, how we should see ourselves, and how to conduct ourselves in life. The inner critic will make itself heard louder every time we feel the need to hide what we perceive as a shortcoming or to avoid making any mistakes that affect our image.
The most obvious way to detect the inner critic in action is listening to how we talk to ourselves. Example, “can’t you keep your mouth shut? How do you think of it?”, etc.
More insidiously, the inner critic makes us feel guilty and ashamed for what we have said or done or for what we have failed to say and do. It is also notable how there is a greater propensity to compare oneself with others when the critic is very active.
Examples
Let’s now look at some examples of internal critics that may be appearing in your life:
How can we calm our inner critic?
Where our focus of attention goes, our energy flows. If we use our energy to criticize ourselves, reproach ourselves and disapprove of our behaviors, it is likely to lower our happiness, our hope, our overall satisfaction, and our confidence. At the same time, an unmanaged internal critic can make us feel anxious, sad, doubtful of our abilities, less creative, and withdrawn into inaction, etc.
Let’s now see how to calm our inner critic:
1. Imagine your inner critic as a person
Imagine him as a subject who, although with harmful methods, is trying to protect you. Accept it and look for the motivations behind what it tells you. Once you understand your goals, try to achieve them in a more constructive way. For example, If your critic punishes you because you are late everywhere, understand that his motivation is for you to be punctual. Find ways to arrive on time from an internal place of calm.
Mistakes will help you learn for next time. And also celebrate your successes and good experiences! Have a tendency to take for granted what goes well and a fixation on what does not go as planned.
3. Treat yourself like a friend would
When you realize that you are being too hard on yourself, take a step back and ask yourself what you would say to a friend in the same situation. Remind yourself that you are worthy and deserving of love and respect.
4. Learn to focus on the here and now
When you feel sad or worried, take a few moments to pause and breathe deeply to anchor yourself in the present moment.
5. Rephrase your inner critic’s messages in a more positive way
For example, instead of telling yourself, “I’m not good enough to…”, say, “I’m doing my best” or “I’m working to do my best.”
You may be interested: “Imposter syndrome: when we do not value our successes”
In conclusion…
The ability to observe ourselves and develop greater awareness of our inner critic and its negative thoughts and beliefs will give us information about the factors that trigger it. This skill will help us create distance between our critic and us.
Our critic’s messages are not true but analyzed positively they can help us discover any underlying needs that may be driving that inner voice that makes us so insecure. It is always advisable to ask for professional help, where we will obtain a different perspective as well as the tools to manage it.
