It is very common for many parents to seek psychotherapy for their children at different stages of development. The concerns have to do with questions about what should be done or how to approach teenagers at home what norms and rules to implement, when to set limits, whether they are being permissive or intransigent.
There are many factors to take into account to address in psychotherapy or in the education that parents want to provide.
It is very valuable to take into account the openness that several parents have developed to talk about various topics that concern their children during the stage of puberty and/or adolescence and that interest many of us.
Just a few years ago, thinking about a mother or father having an approach to talk about sexuality was a terrifying and embarrassing scenario for many. Now it doesn’t have to be that way; There are various ways to generate an environment of trust, clarity and at the same time firmness when expressing our ideas.
It can be seen that there are more common issues that concern parents. I will list a few, which will be described later.
1. My son is too involved with social media
It is very common to hear many extremely worried parents, since They do not know what is “normal” or expected in terms of the time their children spend on networks or technological devices
Much has been said about it, and in an increasingly globalized world, with so much information and even many activities carried out remotely, it is very difficult to define how much is convenient when it comes to time.
There are many signs that indicate that our child may be immersed in technological devices in a poorly controlled manner. As it may be that he prefers to isolate himself than to live with his peers or children his age, he becomes very anxious if he does not have the device or contact with technology on a continuous basis, he becomes irritated if limits are implemented regarding the subject, he does not want to carry out activities outside the home by giving more importance to technology, etc.
The important thing is to detect when it is a behavior that could put our child at risk and when it is something “expected”. It is natural that a pubescent and adolescent boy does not want to spend so much time with his parents in order to dedicate more time to other activities and people.
It is common to hear that parents become concerned when this happens “suddenly”, it is a process of adaptation for all family members with each stage that passes. Adolescence in itself is a complex and intense period. Therefore, today, in a time so technologically advanced and full of uncertainty, many adolescents choose to take refuge and identify with different characters who are on social networks. Mentioning that they would very much like to be like them or look alike, have the same things or travel. Comparing their worlds, their friendships and everything that surrounds these characters, actresses, tiktokers, youtubers, etc.
Parents should not opt for an imposing and inflexible stance, but rather a firm but understanding attitude. By this we mean implementing limits that each family considers appropriate. Saying an exact number of time that a teenager would have to spend on the cell phone or playing video games is complicated, because it depends on many factors, but we could think that, if technology is impacting directly on the adolescent in terms of attitude, behavior, routines, time, etc. It would be worth evaluating with a professional what specific measures to take.
It is recommended that the adolescent have time for extracurricular activities, such as exercising outdoors or in a club where you can live with other young people, and also be able to carry out your academic and personal tasks without so much trouble. When it comes to implementing limits on the hours that the teenager will spend on their electronic devices, things become difficult, since it can be difficult for the young person to comply with the rules that each parent implements. It is worth doing it with determination and reaching agreements.
When the boy enters the pubertal stage, changes of all kinds begin, hormonal, the body changes, a lot of emotional movement begins, character, personality, etc.
It can be quite a challenge for the young person and for the parents alike to digest the process. Although there is a lot of information about it and there are even schools that address the topic according to their academic plans, it is always recommended that the child feel open to talking to their parents about their doubts and concerns.
It’s a little strange for a 13-year-old to come home with questions about these topics, but those questions are inside his head. It is expected that the young man will want to clarify them with his friends, on the internet or with movies of all kinds. We know well that sometimes the search sources are not ideal and that there can be misunderstandings and the adolescent is usually left even more confused. So I recommend different talks on the topic. The first will occur by itself and will be in kindergarten or primary school when the child comes home with the question… Where do babies come from?
At that time the mother or father will give a brief explanation according to age. With this information in mind, the child will keep it until little by little, through other children, previous research and school clarifications, it becomes clearer, but will always be searching for answers So after this, in the upper primary stage and the beginning of secondary school, the young man would have a clearer idea of what he is about. It is not only the mere sexual relationship that worries us, there are other issues of equal relevance, such as body acceptance, the development process, self-esteem, accepting others, limits in dating and with friends, illnesses of sexual transmission, family planning, abuse, etc. So as we can see the topics to be addressed are quite a few. Given this situation, it is preferable to do it little by little, leaving anguish and fear aside.
Parents could choose to address these issues as they arise and according to age and time. It is not advisable to talk to everyone at the same time because we could overwhelm ourselves and the adolescent Otherwise, go little by little. Trying not to make it a scene of scolding or warning but rather a climate of being able to raise awareness about all these relevant and important issues. If you have questions about how to talk about these topics with your child, do not hesitate to ask a psychotherapist.
3. Academic difficulties
It is very common for parents to come to the consultation with the mortification that their child is failing in grades at school. Whether the school has referred the young person to psychological therapy as a recommendation or the parents themselves find it useful. Each school stage is different. The transition from primary to secondary school is something that many young people experience as a very anxiety-producing process, since all the changes are happening at that same moment. Anxiety about changing academic grades, a constantly changing body, distraught parents, and the teenager simply doesn’t know where to fit in.
It is important to be patient during this transition and allow things to fall into place little by little. That said in high school, students who during elementary school were outstanding or didn’t give “tough” have now become more lazy or rebellious. This is an expected attitude for many young people who do not know how to feel about it, and after several years of having been on the honor roll, they are faced with the new challenge and have a harder time coping with it.
In this sense, it will be important to help you digest the adaptation process and be able to detect if it is a behavioral, emotional or academic problem. In several cases it may be more than one area that is making our puberty restless or unstable. That is why it is always suggested that all specific doubts are treated with a professional on the subject
When the young man moves on to high school, things become a little different. The adolescent is in constant conflict with himself, socially, with his parents and even with his peers, at school and in any activity that arouses ambivalence. At this stage, adolescents go through it with great intensity, with emotion on the surface and in the best of cases with the desire to experience the world. They have mixed emotions, their attitude can be impulsive and imposing. So, if it’s about school, it’s a bit complicated to approach them to open a dialogue. Nothing that is impossible.
It is recommended at any academic stage to be aware of and in contact with the school staff, without invading the young student’s space, in order to have a better idea of what may be happening, whether it is an isolated event or if it is a general academic difficulty. In order to find the best alternative and help the boy.
4. Friendships, courtship and other links
At this stage it is essential that the young person has a group of friends that, although not very large, perform their function, which is accompaniment, identification, discovery of identity, etc. Adolescents seek to identify with something or someone and many times, In discovering their identity they find that their friendships are the best means to do so They find comfort, fun, support and companionship. When a young person does not have friends or is not interested, it is something to pay attention to.
Many parents are worried that the circle of friends is not the most ideal, that there are bad influences, that families are conflictive or that they are bad students, etc. The important thing here is to give our son the confidence to be able to make decisions when he is not by our side, so that he can distinguish what is appropriate and what is not.
Obviously he is going to make a mistake, this is part of the process and we will have to allow it and tolerate it. Suddenly our 17-year-old son or daughter arrives and introduces his or her new girlfriend or boyfriend. Parents immediately begin a thorough evaluation of the qualities and defects they may find in their children’s romantic partner. The comments of “it doesn’t suit you” “you saw how he talks” etc. begin.
The adolescent very quickly feels a need to set a limit and distance himself from his parents. There are parents who have a hard time tolerating this happening, and on many occasions they are not willing. Trying to control our child’s every space will not make the communication and decisions he makes more coherent and responsible.
As we said above, our young person is trying to build a new world, full of tastes, interests, hobbies, friendships, adaptation processes, family, etc. This means that within that construction will make not so clever decisions and other very wise ones, and it is part of the process You will have to meet people, have relationships and understand how the world works. We can’t live it for him.
5. Substance use
A more delicate issue is the consumption of substances, such as alcohol, drugs, tobacco, etc. I mention the word delicate because the range of risk factors increases. A 17-year-old who drinks a beer is not the same as a 14-year-old. A 15-year-old smoking 5 cigarettes a day is not the same as a 17-year-old smoking one cigarette a month.
That said, it becomes very complicated in a few simple paragraphs to analyze case by case. What is a reality is that no parent likes the idea of their teenager picking them up drunk at high school parties. So, The first thing would be to define the age of the boy
If you are going through the pubertal stage of 11-14 years old, if you are an adolescent between 15 and 18 years old or a late adolescent. Most young people between 17-20 years of age will very frequently have access to and contact with substances.
In any case, especially with minors, it is crucial to provide detailed and timely information on the particularities of any substance abuse. Being able to sensitively distinguish if a young person has had a drink out of curiosity and coexistence, or if this drink of alcohol becomes something repetitive that could put them at risk. If there is a more specific difficulty with drugs, it is important to evaluate it with a specialist and see what the best options are to help the young person.
Our last, but no less important, topic is bullying or abuse of any kind. As we have reviewed throughout this writing, social media spans a long time and is an important sphere for most young people. Through this medium they communicate, interact, meet people… which is why it is very common for them to be more prone to suffer bullying or cyberbullying since it not only happens in schools, or in another specific place, but this type of harassment is becoming more and more frequent.
As we mentioned, social networks, although they can be very useful, can also become an outlet for anyone’s frustrations. Since the real identity is hidden and it is very easy to write or mention anything. In this way, harassing someone or insulting them becomes easier and more dangerous. Most adolescents do not know how to deal with these types of comments and situations since there is usually no person to associate the bullying with, I mean that many times they do not know who the aggressor is that is impacting the adolescent life.
School bullying that occurs in classrooms somewhere that the adolescent attends in person is also very common. These acts of aggression can be disguised as jokes, jokes, nicknames, doing or saying something in reference to some difficulty that the young person has. , to your body, isolate it, etc. This It can greatly damage children’s self-esteem and confidence
Obviously, it is also important to provide care and help to the young people who initiate these offenses, since they are surely going through serious difficulties.
It is vital that we can start a conversation with our student daily, where they can feel the confidence to express if there is something that is bothering them, ask them about their friends, who they take lunch time with, what teamwork they did, what they like. about going to school, who doesn’t like going, if there is a trustworthy adult, who talks about their teachers, etc. All this information must be asked little by little, so that it does not become an interrogation. So, we will have a broader idea of what happens in your school environment although there will always be aspects that we will not know.
It is valuable for our young person to be clear about what the limits are and what situations are tolerable and what others would be worth reacting and implementing a stop and drawing a line under. It can be very easy at this age to get confused and not be clear about what the limits should be with others. Given this situation, it is common for the borders of what is permissible to be crossed. Each family is different and each nucleus creates its own rules, but what is a reality is that we cannot normalize abuse of any kind.
Concluding…
As we can see, there are quite a few factors to consider if we are talking about adolescents. From the academic issue, education, values, development, change of the body, character, personality, and the entire emotional and internal world of each individual.
It is not easy to provide absolute answers, each case is different and has its own perspective, it is valuable to emphasize that if you have doubts, concerns, or simply want to talk about the subject, you or your child should contact a professional who can constantly guide you; It’s completely normal to need support from time to time. The essential thing is to have a parental attitude that always allows openness flexibility and having firmness to tolerate changes.
