Empathy is a capacity that most human beings have. It has played a fundamental role in the development of the species since it has allowed us to survive and live in groups. We are social animals that depend, to a greater or lesser extent, on others and, for this reason, it has been and continues to be so necessary to develop empathy..
However, there are people who feel that because they are empathetic they suffer a lot. Are you one of them? Do you feel that there are people in your environment who take advantage of you because you have this developed capacity? Have you ever considered that perhaps you are an overly empathetic person and that is causing you problems?
If you answered yes to any of the questions, we invite you to continue reading. Throughout this article we contextualize what empathy is (and what it is not) in order to address how some individuals take advantage of empathetic people.. We will also talk about the possible consequences that this may entail and, finally, we will give some strategies so that you can protect and take care of yourself.
We can describe empathy as an inherent capacity in most people that allows them to understand the emotions and feelings of other people. This happens since it allows other individuals to be perceived as equals. At the same time, differentiation is made and it is understood that they are independent beings with their own internal world.
Empathy implies a real and deep understanding of what the other person is feeling, without becoming infected with their feelings. In this way, the establishment of meaningful links and deep relationships is promoted. Empathetic people tend to have a greater ability to resolve conflicts since they promote respect and collaboration..
However, it is crucial to understand that being empathetic is not at all synonymous with never being able to say no. Unfortunately, this happens on many occasions. Highly empathetic people can feel what the other person feels and have difficulty setting limits. This can cause the environment to take advantage.
How do others take advantage of empathetic people?
Since empathic people are usually perceived by their environment as safe spaces where they can turn in case of emotional need, it is easy for imbalances to occur in relationships. Empathic people often feel that their environment is constantly demanding them, but that there is no space for their needs.
Furthermore, as we mentioned previously, highly empathetic people may have difficulties establishing those necessary boundaries between “I” and “the other.” This difficulty in differentiating ourselves undoubtedly contributes to the feeling of emotional overload since we “carry” the emotions of others without leaving room for our own..
In most cases, a kind of self-imposed responsibility (or not) is generated to alleviate and resolve the discomfort of the people around us. These types of dynamics can lead to establishing patterns of codependency and overprotection in relationships. In addition, there may also be complacent behaviors that neglect one’s own needs.
Unfortunately, it is not unusual for empathic people to fall victim to emotional manipulation. Some people take advantage of this ability to achieve their goals and/or to ignore their own responsibilities.. This, if we focus on the workplace, can lead to a greater workload for empathetic people.
Excessive emotional burden, along with manipulation and emotional “exploitation” give rise to relationships in which power roles are completely unbalanced. This can happen in any type of relationship (couple, family, friendship, work…) and the person usually feels that a lot of help is demanded of them without receiving anything equitable.
Consequences of having been emotionally “exploited”
With everything explained so far, it is easy to imagine how worn out, burned out and overwhelmed empathic people who are victims of manipulation can feel. This, without a doubt, can have serious consequences for the person’s health on a physical, emotional and mental level.
Frequently, highly empathetic people end up suffering from symptoms related to stress, anxiety or other emotional disorders. Furthermore, it is not strange that there is an increase in isolation due to the frustration and resentment they may feel towards people in their environment for whom they do not feel cared for.
This imprint initially generated at the individual level ends up impacting the rest of the areas of the person’s life. For example, at a relational level, a tendency toward mistrust may end up being generated while relationships become worn out or even broken. At the work level, there may be a decrease in one’s own performance, in addition to an unbalanced and tense work environment..
Strategies to take care of yourself and your empathy
It is true that empathy is a necessary capacity to guarantee the proper functioning of our society. However, it is important to ensure that it is given equitably in order to prevent its excess from generating so much suffering and discomfort for only some people.
If you are one of the people who tends to feel that others take advantage of your empathy, it is interesting that you can review what your limits are to be able to establish them clearly. This may mean that certain people do not like change, but perhaps it is also important to invest your energy in cultivating those bonds in which you feel that there is reciprocity and that nourish you..
In this sense, self-care is crucial. We need to be able to differentiate our needs and emotions from those of the rest in order to be able to attend to and take care of ourselves. There is nothing wrong with that! Perhaps practices such as meditation, mindfulness, and activities that you find pleasurable can be useful.
