Polyamory: What Is It And What Types Of Polyamorous Relationships Are There?
Until a few years ago, relationships have been dominated by a very specific conception of what love is: romantic love.
This idea of affection transforms love into something that is shared exclusively by two people, which have an intimate relationship with each other that they do not use with others, and is also related to the modern conception of platonic love in which the couple is idealized. However, in Western countries another way of understanding romantic relationships is taking root: polyamory.
The term polyamory was coined by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart in 1990 and since then it has become popular, as an idea and as a philosophy of life, in many Western countries.
In general terms, Polyamory is the tendency, preference or habit of relating lovingly with more than one person at a time and in a context in which all the people involved are aware of this situation Polyamory, therefore, does not have the couple as the fundamental unit in which people exchange emotional and intimate behaviors, and that does not mean that infidelities are being committed.
On the other hand, there are many ways to experience polyamory, and the fact that more than two people can participate in a polyamorous relationship only expands the number of possibilities. In fact, since polyamory is a way of managing affection and not necessarily sex, it may happen that all the people who participate in a polyamory group have different sexual orientations or simply do not have sex; and it may also happen that some do have intimate relationships of this type and others do not.
In addition, polyamory is a type of relationship that is maintained over time and is not limited to a short period of minutes or hours, as could happen in sporadic couple exchanges or swinging. Polyamorous relationships are so because, in themselves, they tell us about the nature of the emotional relationship that several people have with each other.
Related article: “Types of love: what kinds of love exist?”
Polyamory is not polygamy
At the same time, polyamory does not have to be based on formalized relationships as is the case in marriages. It is distinguished from polygamy in that the latter, in addition to limiting itself only to cases where marriage has occurred, consists of the union between a man and many women or a woman and many men.
The existence of diffuse limits on the limits of what can and cannot be done in a polyamorous relationship has meant that, at times, this type of affection is known simply as non-monogamy. This allows us to cover a very wide range of types of relationships, which does not restrict the different ways of living polyamory.
Although the way these types of polyamory are classified may vary depending on what type of criteria are used to distinguish between categories, Yes, the main forms of polyamorous relationships can be highlighted They are the following.
1. Hierarchical polyamory
In this type of polyamory There is a nuclear group in which the relationship is more intense and a peripheral group in which the established relationships are secondary Normally each person has a primary relationship and others of lesser importance, which means that the people involved in a primary relationship can impose vetoes on the other, preventing them from becoming romantically involved with certain people.
Among the different types of polyamory, this is the one that most resembles traditional relationships in Western countries.
2. Polyfidelity
In polyfidelity intimate relationships are restricted to a certain group of people and with very limited limits. Outside of this circle of members, sexual contact is not permitted.
3. Relational anarchy, or free love
Relational anarchy is the type of polyamory least similar to monogamous relationships. In it, theThe people involved in relationships do not have any type of restriction placed a priori, and they have complete freedom to choose how to relate to each specific person. Therefore, in relational anarchy there is no pressure to make the relationships established with others fit into a series of stereotypical norms nor is there the need to place labels that define them.
In short, relational anarchy is distinguished from other forms of polyamory by being much more unstructured. Although it is always based on consensus and requires a degree of commitment, it is built from scratch at the moment the relationship begins and is not based on expectations based on gender roles or traditions.
Identifying the number of people who practice polyamory is tremendously complicated, firstly because in many countries their presence is so low that it is difficult to study them, and secondly because it is so difficult to define what is and what is not a relationship. polyamorous it is difficult not to fall into biases when quantifying them. However, It is estimated that the number of Americans who practice some form of polyamory is around 4 or 5% of the population while in Spain the percentage would be between 5 and 8%.
Regarding the profile of people who prefer polyamorous relationships, a study carried out by Loving More (a free love support organization) in which more than 4,000 polyamorous practitioners participated showed that 49.5% of the participants were female, 35.4% were male, and 15.1% corresponded to people identified as gender non-binary or genderqueer.
Besides, almost half of women and about 18% of men reported having had sexual relations with people of the same sex during the last 12 months, thus showing a significantly greater tendency towards active bisexuality than the general population. These results fit well with other studies in which it has been proven that in homosexuals and bisexuals the number of polyamorous people is very large.
On the other hand, the educational level of polyamorous people was significantly higher than the average of the general population, and they showed a tendency to live with fewer children and adolescents in their homes.
Problems associated with this type of love
If it is difficult to quantify the number of polyamorous practitioners, knowing how the majority of these people feel is no less difficult. To do this, very expensive qualitative studies based on interviews must be carried out, and the data in this regard are very scarce.
However, based on the available data There is no reason to think that the problems experienced by couples and traditional marriages disappear in polyamorous relationships Although the different types of polyamory are very well defined on paper, it is often difficult to see the nature of the relationships that are supposed to be maintained reflected in reality.
For example, despite showing a preference for polyamory, jealousy or fear of being left out of the relationship may appear, and the fact of sharing a network of emotional relationships with more than one person makes it very necessary to manage time especially well. and the activities that are shared. Many common problems in the daily lives of traditional couples are also present in people who practice polyamory.
On the other hand, there is no evidence that families formed around polyamorous relationships have greater difficulties in raising and educating boys and girls well. Elisabeth Sheff, specifically, carried out a longitudinal study over 15 years that helped her conclude that upbringing in polyamorous families occurs normally, which is not surprising if we take into account the typical profile and educational level of people involved in polyamory.
There is much left to discuss
Polyamory can be many things, from a series of superficial changes applied to traditional relationships to a deep questioning of social conventions, marriage, and the way the states of the world relate to it.
From gender studies related to the concept of patriarchy, for example, the existence of polyamory is very relevant, because considering it as an alternative to traditional romantic love makes it easier to argue that marriage and relationships are “kept afloat.” socially for political reasons, instead of being a reflection of the way in which human biology predisposes us to relate.
The controversy is served
This generates many discussions in sociology, anthropology and, of course, psychology, and as the study of this phenomenon deepens, opposing positions and different theories about what polyamory is will become evident.
Researchers and academics who emphasize the role of genes, such as many neuroscientists and evolutionary psychologists, will likely tend to emphasize the difficulties involved in free love and point out that the most rule-free types of polyamory are relatively little spread.
On the contrary, supporters of the role of the environment and learning will continue to defend the idea that polyamory is further evidence of our practically infinite capacity to invent new ways of relating and reinventing affection without being limited by our evolutionary past. Which of these two stories will have the greatest capacity to explain what polyamory is is something that, for the moment and in the absence of more data, we cannot ask ourselves.
Williams, D.J., & Prior, E.E. (2015). Contemporary Polyamory: A Call for Awareness and Sensitivity in Social Work. Social Work, 60(3), pp. 268 – 270.
