For most people, selfishness is inherently negative ; The acts that set us back as a society and seriously affect other people come from individuals who do not consider the effect that their actions may have on third parties.
Furthermore, the RAE defines selfishness as: Immoderate and excessive love of oneself, which causes excessive attention to one’s own interest, without taking care of that of others. Everything makes us think that there are no positive qualities for this phenomenon; However, it has been of my interest, for a long time, to look at it from another perspective, from the side of self-regulation and balance.
When I talk about self-regulation and balance, I mean the natural ability of our organism (body and mind) to meet its own needs
If I feel dryness in my mouth and throat, I identify the sensation of thirst and the need to drink water, I take energy to get in touch with the world (go for a glass of water), and cover my need, in order to return to balance. (return to rest). This also happens with our psychological needs, and our emotions are the guide that shows us the way to satisfy them.
Let’s take an example
Let’s say that a person cares a lot about others, does everything possible not to make them uncomfortable, pays attention to every opportunity they have when they lack something, and is constantly aware of helping them meet their needs; Without a doubt, this person is considered the opposite of a selfish person, we could call him/her altruistic, kind, kind, etc. Everything looks good so far; Now, the problem is that this person, by constantly being aware of the needs of others, you run the risk of losing sight of the satisfaction of yours and this can have multiple negative consequences.
By paying attention to the outside world, you lose contact with your internal world, you stop being connected to your emotions, and many times you don’t even know what you are feeling; If you do not know what you feel, much less will you know what you need to return to balance, you must remember at this point how many times you have been asked what you want and you have not been able to answer… you reach the uncomfortable moment of “I don’t know what.” what do I want”. This causes our choices to be debated between what is convenient + what is better + what we should do + what is expected of us… And almost never what would make us happy, unfortunately because we don’t know.
Being a very giving person, You will eventually realize that what you are giving is not reciprocated, she will feel disappointed, since she spent her personal and emotional resources on others, and she had no awareness, strength, or time left to take care of what she lacks; and since “we must meet the needs of others” then “others must meet our needs.”
This demand brings with it many problems related to trust in others, the perception of injustice, hopelessness and resentment. In other words, this philosophy of life has a lot of potential to make the life of those who maintain it bitter.
Understanding positive selfishness
Therefore, I don’t take a dim view of selfishness if it invites us to look inward connect with our emotions, see where they take us, what we need to be better, take energy from our body and come into contact with the world, with reality, to give us what we are missing and return to our state of mind. balance (homeostasis).
People who pay attention to themselves first, having their priorities covered, are more open to looking at others, caring for them, and being more generous. By having their needs covered, it is easier for them to recognize those of others; they have time, awareness and energy to help and give of themselves.
In conclusion
There is nothing wrong with seeking to take care of yourself first, trying to be selfish from time to time, covering yourself, and when you have yours, see what those around you need with much more patience and harmony. To achieve this, you can start with very simple questions: how do I feel today? What do I want now? What do I need to be better? This will bring you closer to being more connected with your internal world and with present reality, to take charge of yourself.
If you feel that you put others before yourself and want to change that, or you feel a genuine desire to get more in touch with your emotions and needs, I invite you to write to me; It is a good time to start your search process.
