Psychological Games: What Are They And What Are They For?
How many times have you participated or immersed yourself directly or indirectly in psychological games?
I assure you that there are many, and in none of them will you have found a good ending. You may be aware that you often find yourself in the same situations getting the same answers, but you are probably completely unaware of why this happens to you.
Eric Berne psychiatrist and founder of the theory of Transactional Analysis (AT) explained psychological games as a dysfunctional form of communication used to cover needs for attention, recognition and affection towards one’s own person, although always in a negative way. We talk about games in mode not funthat is, in these you always lose, which entails an enormous emotional cost, both for those who initiate them and for those who join or participate in them.
In this type of lack of communication, devices are used to manipulate and persuade the recipient, unconsciously most of the time, but used repetitively until resentment and interpersonal failure appear.
How to play?
In any psychological game there is a systematic action that is, it starts in the Bait, which is the move made by the first player and then a continuity reaction is witnessed if the other person decides to participate. It should be noted that the first player always wins. To understand more clearly how these games are established, we can resort to a practical example using the game: “yes, but…”
Person A: I have many problems in my relationship, if we continue like this I don’t know how it will end…
Person B: Why don’t you separate?
Person A: Yes, but if we separate, how will we divide custody of the children?
Person B: You can reach an agreement and keep it yourself. Depending on your schedule, you can combine it better.
Person A: Yes, but I have 3 children, I won’t be able to handle everything as I should by myself.
Person B: You can find someone to help you…
Person A: Yes, but it would be a financial expense that I could not afford.
Person B: “Silence”
This silence offered by person B It is the result of the victory of whoever starts the game But still, person A could finish the play by adding “you see, I can’t separate myself.” In this case we see how Person A has joined the game after hearing the first yes, but… he has introduced the new role at this moment. from “I’m just trying to help you”
Psychological games are varied, Berne classifies them according to themes and scenarios, but We can highlight everything from power games to sexual or couple games, among others The most notable ones are always located in marital, life, meeting or consulting scenarios.
In this case we can highlight the Karpman dramatic triangle contributed by R. Kertész to highlight the change in theoretical roles that two or more people can follow in the course of the games, in this case the roles of pursuer, savior and victim will give rise to characters like “Yes, but…” “Explain your sorrows to me” or “Everything is going wrong” consecutively.
Objectives and purposes of psychological games
According to E. Berne, the three main reasons why a person unconsciously gets involved in these games are the following:
To protect against the fear of being unmasked and so that the true “I” is exposed
To avoid discomfort that can promote intimacy
To ensure that others do what they want to do
These are the main reasons presented by the author, but in general we could say that they are used with the purpose of manipulating others instead of establishing healthy relationships and to demonstrate that one is a certain way in front of others.
The reality is that the use of these games is learned at an early age and then they are systematically repeated throughout the person’s life, until they become aware of their use and try to remedy it if they observe that these acts are slowing down and damaging their life. Most games They destroy the true personality and increase the person’s vulnerability, They affect most areas of life, consume energy and cause really high levels of frustration, as well as the establishment of unhealthy and degraded relationships, basically bringing discontent and conflictive situations for the individual.
How to detect when we are facing a psychological game?
Well, frankly, if we remain attentive, it will not be difficult to discover the first signs of these games, however, you can apply different questions to identify them more easily.
Once these questions have been applied We can look for alternative behaviors to prevent or avoid falling into these games As long as we are aware of the existence of certain behaviors, it will be easier for us to orient ourselves towards a different situation and avoid certain mistakes.
How to limit and stop this type of games?
From a psychological point of view, breaking these games is the first step to overcoming resistance and obtaining healthy and direct situations and relationships with others.
Some games to consider
“Why not…? Yes, but…”
Purpose: The person seeks to be reassured from a child’s perspective, surrounding the parent’s position
“I’m going to show you” or “Mine is better”
Purpose: Competitiveness to seek final victory
“You and him are going to fight.”
Purpose: The protagonist seeks to make others fight without intervening, thus satisfying his psychological posture
“Look what you made me do.”
Purpose: Avoid responsibility through justification and “I am not to blame”
“How do you get out of this situation?”
Purpose: The person gets involved in difficult or complicated situations in order to be saved
Some conclusions…
In short, through psychological games we seek, through transactions between the parent, the adult and the child represented in the transactional analysis, highlight the weak points of the other to achieve a final benefit which is never achieved in a positive way.
The game itself is always a risk for the player —Gadamer, 1970:149
