Nowadays it is not uncommon for the majority of the population to have had more than one romantic partner throughout their lives, with an average of at least seven couples being estimated as not very sexual throughout their lives.
In this context, then, it is common that when most of us pair up, one or both partners have had other romantic and loving experiences before.
In some cases, one of the members may fear losing out in a comparison with the other people who have gone through the life of their partner, and jealousy may appear that can become pathological and seriously damage the health of the partner. the relationship. This is Rebecca Syndrome
What is Rebecca Syndrome?
The name Rebecca Syndrome is a condition or situation with pathological characteristics that is characterized by the existence of a high level of jealousy on the part of one of the members of the couple towards the previous romantic or sexual partners of their spouse or current partner. It is a syndrome that enjoys some popularity and is based on retrospective jealousy (that is, jealousy directed towards a person or a type of relationship from the past), although it is not a disorder included in the main diagnostic classification manuals. .
This situation becomes pathological when it becomes a recurring and obsessive theme without there being a real reason for the existence of jealousy, and can be traced back to the type of union or connection that the partner of the sufferer had with an ex who may not exist. never met and who is not currently in a relationship or said relationship is not romantic.
Sometimes Rebecca Syndrome can lead to the existence of persecutory behavior towards the ex-partner or the attempt to control all the social interactions of the romantic partner, which usually generates serious conflicts in the current relationship or imbalances in power relations. It may also happen that the affected person tries to appear extremely complacent or superior to the ex-partner, exercising a kind of unilateral competition that can also be aversive for the romantic partner and seriously affect the self-esteem of both.
This condition is aggravated if the couple’s previous relationship is seen or remembered (either by the partner or by the environment) in an extremely positive way, as someone virtuous, attractive, sensual and passionate or intelligent, especially if these qualities are not appreciated by the person with the syndrome on his or her own person. The person of whom you are jealous does not have to be a recent partner, and may go back to the first love of the romantic partner or even be a deceased person.
The origin of its name
The name Rebecca Syndrome was coined by the writer Carmen Posadas in her book Rebeca syndrome: guide to conjuring ghostswhich has recently been reissued. The concept comes from the Hitchcock film based on the novel by Daphne du Maurier , Rebecain which a widower Mr. Winter is widowed by his first wife and at the same time marries a second, who must face the ghosts and memories of her predecessor (who appears trying to get her widower to separate from his new partner ) in an environment that constantly reminds her.
It must be taken into account that although the syndrome at a psychological level is usually defined as the pathological jealousy of a person towards the exes of their romantic partner in Carmen Posadas’ publication this syndrome would not be limited to this but also includes cases in which the same person looks for in a new partner a faithful reflection of a previous partner (repeating the same relational pattern and looking for someone who can even be physically similar) or on the contrary, look for a type of partner that is totally opposite to the previous ones.
Causes
The causes of this specific syndrome are not particularly known, as it is multi-causal, although this type of jealousy is generally linked to the presence of insecurity in the partner and low self-esteem and self-concept on the part of the affected person. The new partner may feel that the previous one is superior to him or her, wanting to compete and surpass his memory or that you have never had the same type of relationship or experiences as those you had before.
Likewise, it can also be encouraged in relationships in which the partner or their environment often remembers the ex-partner in question, or even in those relationships in which a direct comparison is actually made between their relationships (such comparison being with the aim of making damage or not). It can also be facilitated when the person discovers that she has exactly the same personality and/or physical pattern as the ex-partner, and may feel like a substitute rather than valued per se.
Finally, it can occur in couples in which one of the members has recently been widowed before joining their current partner, or has not overcome the loss and memories. While grief is normal, for some insecure people it can be seen as a reflection that they do not have such a deep loving relationship with the affected person.
Treatment
Coping with Rebecca Syndrome can be difficult and have serious repercussions for the health of the couple’s relationship. In order to treat it, it may be necessary an intervention both at the couple and individual level in the case of the affected person
In the first case, it is recommended to encourage communication regarding the current relationship, work on possible dissatisfactions that may exist in it and make both see and value the positive aspects of it and why they are together. It will also have to be assessed whether we are dealing with a comparison that the person with the Syndrome makes unilaterally or if it is their romantic partner, the environment or the ex-partner themselves who actively generates (since it is also possible) the comparison.
It is also worth taking into account do not emphasize the characteristics of past relationships nor detail them to a great extent since it can facilitate comparisons, and especially if there are unsatisfactory aspects in the current one. It is not about denying previous relationships, simply about not going into too much detail about them.
But without a doubt the most essential thing will be the work at an individual level. It will be necessary to work on self-esteem and self-concept, what the partner means to the person with the syndrome and why they consider they are jealous of their previous relationships. It is also necessary to talk about the consequences and difficulties that the situation of jealousy generates for the couple.
On the other hand The presence of controlling and persecutory attitudes can be assessed and worked on in addition to restructuring the beliefs that the subject may have about himself, his partner and his ex-partners (especially if they are presented as idealized).