Relapses in Addictions After Festive Periods: a Silent Challenge

January is when I see them. The patients who’d been doing well—six months sober, a year clean, solid recovery work happening—walk back into my office carrying shame like a physical weight. “I relapsed over Christmas,” they say, often barely able to make eye contact. And then comes the part that breaks my heart: “I’m such a failure. I threw everything away.”

No. You didn’t throw everything away. You experienced something that happens to a staggering number of people in recovery during festive periods. Relapse rates spike dramatically during and immediately after holidays, particularly Christmas and New Year. This isn’t because people in recovery are weak or uncommitted. It’s because festive periods create a perfect storm of triggers, stressors, and circumstances that challenge even the most solid recovery.

Think about what the holidays demand. Family gatherings where alcohol flows freely and where your drinking or using might have been part of the family dynamic for years. Social pressure to “just have one” to celebrate. Stress from finances, obligations, and complex family relationships. Disrupted routines that usually support your sobriety. Romanticized nostalgia for past holidays that often involved substance use. Isolation if you’re avoiding triggering situations. The relentless cultural message that holidays should be joyful when you might be struggling.

I had a patient, David, who’d been sober from alcohol for fourteen months. He was doing everything right—meetings, therapy, support system, healthy routines. Then December hit. His family’s Christmas Eve tradition involved champagne toasts. His office party had an open bar. His stress levels skyrocketed dealing with his difficult mother-in-law’s visit. His AA meeting schedule got disrupted by holiday commitments. By December 27th, he was drunk. And then the shame spiral began, which led to a week-long bender before he called me.

Here’s what I told him and what I’m telling you: relapse during festive periods doesn’t erase your recovery or mean you’re starting from zero. It means you encountered circumstances that overwhelmed your coping capacity at that moment. That’s information, not condemnation. You learn from it, adjust your approach, and keep moving forward. Recovery isn’t ruined by relapse. It’s only ruined if you give up entirely.

But let’s be real about something else too. The silence around holiday relapse makes it worse. People suffering in secret, convinced they’re uniquely weak, not knowing that support groups and therapists see this pattern every single January. We need to talk about this openly. Not to normalize relapse as inevitable, but to prepare people better, reduce shame when it happens, and create space for honest conversation about the specific vulnerabilities that festive periods create for people in addiction recovery.

Why Festive Periods Are High-Risk for Relapse

Before we can address holiday relapse, we need to understand why it happens with such predictable frequency. Christmas and New Year create a confluence of relapse risk factors that rarely exist together at other times of year. Let’s break down what’s actually happening.

First, there’s the ubiquity of alcohol during holiday celebrations. Our culture has made alcohol central to festive gatherings in ways that make avoidance nearly impossible if you’re participating in traditional celebrations. Office parties, family dinners, neighborhood gatherings, religious services followed by receptions—alcohol is everywhere. For someone in recovery from alcohol addiction, this is like asking someone with a peanut allergy to navigate a world where peanuts are served at every gathering for six weeks straight.

Even people in recovery from substances other than alcohol face this challenge because for many, alcohol was part of their using pattern even if it wasn’t their primary substance. Or because being around alcohol and intoxicated people triggers cravings for their substance of choice. The constant exposure creates psychological strain that wears down resistance.

Second, there’s the social pressure element. “Come on, it’s Christmas! One drink won’t hurt!” People who’d never pressure you to use drugs somehow think alcohol is different, that holidays exempt you from sobriety commitments, that you’re being uptight or no fun if you don’t drink to celebrate. The social cost of maintaining sobriety during festive periods can feel higher than at other times because refusal is more visible and more questioned.

I’ve had patients describe the exhaustion of repeatedly explaining why they’re not drinking, of managing other people’s discomfort with their sobriety, of being the only sober person in rooms full of drunk people. That social energy drain is real, and it depletes the psychological resources you need to maintain recovery.

Third, family dynamics get activated during holidays in ways that trigger old patterns. Maybe your family system had substance use built into it. Maybe family gatherings are where you learned to drink or use. Maybe dealing with your critical father or overwhelming mother was something you always coped with by getting high afterward. You’re back in the context where your addiction patterns formed, with the people who were there when those patterns developed, and your brain remembers exactly how you used to cope.

Fourth, routine disruption is massive during festive periods. The structure that supports your recovery—regular meeting attendance, consistent sleep schedule, exercise routine, therapy appointments, daily check-ins with your sponsor—all of it gets thrown off by holiday obligations and travel. You might miss a week of meetings. Your sleep gets wrecked by late gatherings and visiting family. Your therapist is on vacation. The scaffolding holding up your recovery temporarily collapses.

Fifth, there’s emotional intensity. Holidays amplify everything—joy if you’re experiencing it, but also grief, loneliness, stress, and disappointment. For people who used substances to regulate difficult emotions, the emotional intensity of December can be overwhelming. You’re feeling more and you don’t have your old coping mechanism, and sometimes the discomfort feels unbearable.

And finally, there’s the “fuck it” phenomenon. Something about the turning of the calendar year creates this psychological moment where people think “I’ll start fresh in January” and give themselves permission to use during the holidays as a last hurrah. Or the stress of the season becomes so intense that they reach a point of “fuck it, I can’t handle this sober.” That moment of surrender to impulse is when relapse happens.

The Shame Spiral That Makes Recovery Harder

Here’s what typically happens after a holiday relapse. You use or drink. Then comes crushing shame. You’ve disappointed yourself, your family, your sponsor, your therapist. You’ve “wasted” all that sober time. You’ve “proven” you’re weak or broken or can’t recover. The shame is so overwhelming that instead of immediately getting back on track, you keep using. Because if you’ve already failed, what’s the point? Might as well keep going.

This is the shame spiral, and it’s one of the most dangerous aspects of relapse. The substance use itself might be a slip—a few days, a week. But the shame-driven continued use can turn into months of active addiction before you can face getting help again.

I cannot stress this enough: shame is not a useful emotion for recovery. Guilt—feeling bad about what you did—can motivate change. But shame—feeling bad about who you are—just drives more destructive behavior. When you’re convinced you’re fundamentally broken, why would you take care of yourself? Why would you try again?

The addiction treatment field has done real harm by promoting shame as motivation. The old-school approach of breaking people down, making them admit they’re powerless and diseased, labeling them as addicts before anything else—this creates fertile ground for shame spirals. More trauma-informed, compassionate approaches recognize that people recover better when they’re treated with dignity and when mistakes are framed as information rather than evidence of moral failure.

After David’s holiday relapse, the shame nearly killed him. Not literally, though it got close. But it destroyed his willingness to reach out for help. He’d deleted his sponsor’s number. He couldn’t face going back to meetings. He was drinking daily and hating himself more with each drink. When he finally called me, he said, “I don’t deserve help. I had my chance and I blew it.”

We had to work specifically on shame reduction before we could even address the relapse itself. Naming the shame. Externalizing it—this is something you feel, not who you are. Challenging the beliefs driving it. Reconnecting with self-compassion. Only once the shame loosened its grip could he actually do the work of getting back into recovery.

If you’ve relapsed during the holidays, hear me on this: you deserve help regardless of how many times you’ve relapsed. You don’t have to earn the right to recover by suffering enough first. Recovery is available to you right now, today, even if you used yesterday. Even if you’ve relapsed a hundred times. You still deserve support and you can still build a meaningful recovery.

What Actually Helps: Relapse Prevention for Festive Periods

So what do you actually do to reduce relapse risk during festive periods? Let’s talk about concrete strategies that work, based on research and clinical experience with patients who successfully navigate holidays in recovery.

First, plan ahead way before December arrives. Don’t wait until you’re in the middle of holiday chaos to figure out how you’ll handle it. In October or November, sit down and map out the upcoming festive period. What events are you attending? Which ones are high-risk? Where will alcohol or drug use be present? What family dynamics might be triggering? What will your plan be for each situation?

This planning includes practical logistics. How will you get home from gatherings if you need to leave suddenly? What excuse will you use if someone pressures you to drink? Who can you call if you’re struggling? What meetings can you absolutely commit to attending even during the busy season? Having these answers before you need them prevents in-the-moment decision-making when your judgment might be compromised.

Second, prioritize your recovery structure ruthlessly. Yes, there will be obligations and social pressure. But your sobriety has to come first, period. If attending your office party threatens your recovery, you don’t go. If visiting your family for five days is too much, you go for two. If you need to attend meetings even on Christmas Day, you find meetings that meet on Christmas Day. Everything else is negotiable. Your recovery is not.

I know this sounds harsh or selfish. People will be disappointed. You might miss out on some things. But consider the alternative—relapse, and potentially months or years of active addiction. That costs far more than missing a few parties. People in solid recovery know that protecting their sobriety isn’t selfish, it’s survival.

Third, modify traditions to reduce exposure. If your family’s tradition involves drinking, propose a new tradition that doesn’t. If your workplace does an open bar, suggest alternative celebrations. If your friend group always gets drunk on New Year’s Eve, make different plans with sober friends or stay home. You’re not obligated to participate in traditions that threaten your health, even if they’re longstanding or important to others.

Fourth, create a relapse prevention plan specific to the festive period. Work with your therapist or sponsor to identify your specific risk factors and create concrete responses. What are your warning signs that you’re moving toward relapse? What are your triggers? What coping strategies work for you? Who can you reach out to? What’s your plan if you do slip? Having this in writing that you can reference when you’re struggling provides crucial guidance when your thinking gets compromised.

Fifth, increase support during high-risk periods. Attend more meetings, not fewer. Check in with your sponsor daily. Schedule extra therapy sessions in December and early January. Connect with sober friends more frequently. The time when you’re most tempted to isolate is exactly when you need to increase connection. Support isn’t optional during the holidays—it’s essential.

Sixth, practice saying no without explanation. “No thanks, I’m not drinking” is a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone your recovery story or justification for your choices. The more you explain, the more you invite debate about whether your reasons are good enough. A simple, firm no followed by changing the subject works better than elaborate explanations.

Seventh, have an exit strategy for every situation. Know how you’ll leave if things get uncomfortable or triggering. Have your own transportation or a planned call to a friend who’ll “need” you to leave. Give yourself permission to leave early without guilt. Staying in triggering situations out of politeness or obligation is how relapse happens. Your sobriety matters more than anyone’s feelings about you leaving their party.

When Relapse Happens: Getting Back to Recovery

Despite best efforts and preparation, sometimes relapse happens. The most important thing you can do after a holiday relapse is get back into recovery immediately rather than letting shame or “fuck it” thinking extend the relapse. Here’s how to do that.

First, stop using as soon as you recognize you’ve relapsed. Don’t tell yourself you’ll stop after New Year’s. Don’t decide you’ve already ruined everything so you might as well keep going. Every day of active use makes it harder to stop and increases potential consequences. Stop now, today, this moment.

Second, reach out for support before shame convinces you not to. Call your sponsor. Contact your therapist. Go to a meeting. Tell someone you trust. The vulnerability required to admit you’ve relapsed is enormous, but isolation is far more dangerous. The people who care about your recovery want to help you get back on track, not judge you for stumbling.

Third, get medical support if needed. Depending on what you used and for how long, you might need medical detox. Don’t try to white-knuckle through dangerous withdrawal. Emergency rooms and detox facilities exist for exactly this situation. Your health and safety matter more than avoiding embarrassment.

Fourth, figure out what happened without drowning in shame. Yes, you relapsed. Now what can you learn? What were the warning signs you missed? What triggers did you underestimate? What coping strategies failed? What support did you need but didn’t access? This is information you can use to strengthen your recovery going forward, not evidence that you’re doomed to fail.

I had a patient named Maria who relapsed every Christmas for three years in a row. Each time, shame kept her from examining what actually happened. The fourth year, we spent November and December preparing differently. We identified that her trigger was being alone on Christmas Day while everyone else was with family. Her response had been trying to tough it out in isolation, which led to using. We created a plan where she spent Christmas with sober friends, volunteered at a shelter, and had scheduled check-ins throughout the day. She made it through that Christmas without relapse for the first time.

Fifth, resist all-or-nothing thinking. Relapse doesn’t mean you’re starting from zero. The time you spent in recovery still counts. The skills you learned are still there. The neural pathways you’ve been building toward health are still there. Yes, you had a setback. But you haven’t lost everything. Recovery is a process that includes setbacks for most people, not a straight line that’s ruined by any deviation.

Sixth, adjust your recovery plan based on what you learned. If attending family gatherings is consistently triggering, maybe you stop attending. If certain people or places are too high-risk, you avoid them. If your relapse prevention plan didn’t work, you create a better one. Use the relapse as data to inform a stronger approach going forward.

Seventh, be patient with yourself. Getting back into solid recovery after relapse takes time. You might need to rebuild trust with people you let down. You might need to deal with consequences of your use. You might feel shaky and vulnerable for a while. That’s normal. Keep showing up, keep doing the work, and eventually you’ll feel steady again. But it’s a process, not an instant return to where you were before.

For Loved Ones: How to Support Without Enabling

If someone you love is in recovery and you’re worried about them during the festive period—or if they’ve relapsed and you’re not sure how to help—let’s talk about what actually supports recovery versus what enables continued use.

Don’t offer or pressure them to drink or use, even “just to celebrate” or “just one”. This seems obvious but it happens constantly. People genuinely think one drink on Christmas is fine, or that peer pressure will work. It won’t. It’ll trigger cravings and potentially relapse. If someone says they’re not drinking, respect that completely without question or commentary.

Do modify family traditions if needed. If your family Christmas has always involved heavy drinking and your loved one is in recovery, consider changing that. Make non-alcoholic options available and prominent. Don’t make their sobriety a constant topic of conversation but also don’t pretend it doesn’t exist. Find the balance between supporting them and making everything about their recovery.

Don’t shame them if they can’t attend certain events or need to leave early. Recovery has to come first, and if they’re telling you that something threatens their sobriety, believe them. Their absence from your party matters far less than their continued sobriety.

Do educate yourself about addiction and recovery. Understand that addiction is a medical condition, not a moral failing. Learn about relapse as part of recovery for many people rather than as proof of failure. The more you understand, the better you can support without judgment.

Don’t enable continued use after relapse happens. This is the hard one. If your loved one relapses, your instinct might be to protect them from consequences, give them money, make excuses for them. That’s enabling. Instead, express concern, encourage them to get help, offer to help them access treatment, but don’t shield them from the natural consequences of their choices.

Do maintain your own boundaries and wellbeing. Supporting someone in recovery—especially through relapse—is emotionally exhausting. You’re allowed to have limits. You’re allowed to prioritize your own mental health. You can care about someone and still protect yourself from their chaos. Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and therapy for family members exist for exactly this reason.

Don’t give up on them if relapse happens. Multiple relapses don’t mean someone is hopeless or can’t recover. Recovery often includes setbacks. Continue to believe in their capacity to get better while also maintaining realistic boundaries about what you can and can’t do to help.

FAQs About Relapses in Addictions After Festive Periods

Is relapse during the holidays more common than relapse at other times?

Yes. Research and clinical observation consistently show that relapse rates spike during and immediately after holiday periods, particularly December and early January. The combination of increased alcohol availability, social pressure, family stress, disrupted routines, and emotional intensity creates heightened risk. This doesn’t mean relapse is inevitable during holidays, but it does mean extra vigilance and support are needed during this time for people in recovery.

Does relapsing during Christmas mean I’ve lost all my sober time and have to start over?

No. This is a harmful myth. The time you spent in recovery still counts and the work you did isn’t erased by relapse. You don’t go back to day one in terms of the skills you’ve learned, the relationships you’ve built, or the healing that’s happened. Some recovery programs restart your “clean date” after relapse, which can be motivating for some people but devastating for others. What matters more than the date is that you get back into recovery and continue the process. Relapse is often part of recovery, not the end of it.

How can I attend family Christmas gatherings without relapsing when there’s alcohol everywhere?

Have a concrete plan before you go. Bring your own non-alcoholic drinks. Have an exit strategy if things get triggering. Limit your time there—you don’t have to stay for hours. Bring a sober support person if possible. Schedule a call with your sponsor before and after. If attending truly threatens your sobriety despite all precautions, don’t go. Your recovery is more important than any single gathering. You can connect with family at different times or in different ways that don’t put your sobriety at risk.

What should I do if I slip up and use during the holidays?

Stop using immediately. Reach out for support—call your sponsor, therapist, or a crisis line. Don’t let shame keep you isolated or convince you to keep using. If you need medical detox, get it. Go to a meeting as soon as possible. Tell someone you trust what happened. One slip doesn’t have to become a full relapse if you intervene quickly. The faster you get back into recovery mode, the easier it is to stabilize. Don’t wait until after New Year’s or until you’ve hit some arbitrary bottom. Get help now.

How do I deal with the shame after relapsing during Christmas?

First, recognize that shame is different from guilt and it’s not useful for recovery. Work on self-compassion—talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend struggling. Challenge the harsh internal voices telling you you’re a failure. Share what happened with supportive people who can help normalize it. Work with a therapist on shame reduction specifically if it’s overwhelming. Remember that relapse is common in recovery and doesn’t define your worth. Many people who’ve gone on to long-term recovery have relapsed during holidays. You can too.

Should I tell my family I relapsed over Christmas or keep it private?

This depends on your family dynamics and your safety. If your family is supportive of your recovery and won’t shame or enable you, telling them might provide accountability and support. If they’ll react with judgment, anger, or enabling behavior, you might choose to tell only your recovery supports instead. There’s no obligation to tell family, but you do need to tell someone—sponsor, therapist, or sober friends who can help you stay accountable. Choose who to tell based on who will actually support your recovery rather than making things worse.

How many relapses before I should give up on recovery?

Never. There’s no number of relapses that means you’re hopeless or should give up. Some people achieve sustained recovery on their first attempt. Others relapse multiple times before it sticks. Every attempt at recovery teaches you something and builds skills that eventually support lasting change. If you’ve relapsed repeatedly, you might need a different approach—different treatment modality, more intensive support, addressing underlying trauma or mental health issues, changing your environment. But you don’t give up. Recovery is possible for anyone who keeps trying.

What if I’m in recovery and dreading the holidays because I’m afraid I’ll relapse?

That anxiety is actually protective—it means you’re taking the risk seriously rather than being complacent. Use that awareness to prepare thoroughly. Create a detailed relapse prevention plan. Increase support before the holidays start. Make decisions now about which events you’ll attend and which you’ll skip. Talk to your sponsor or therapist about your fears and make contingency plans. Consider spending the holidays doing something completely different than usual if traditional celebrations are too triggering. The dread you feel is information about risk level—honor it by taking extra precautions rather than dismissing it.

How can I support my loved one in recovery during the holidays without being controlling?

Ask them what they need rather than assuming. “What would be helpful as you navigate the holidays in recovery?” Some people want check-ins and accountability. Others want space and trust. Respect their recovery choices even if you don’t fully understand them—if they skip your party or leave early, support that. Don’t make alcohol the center of celebrations if they’re attending. Don’t constantly ask if they’re okay or hover anxiously, which can create more pressure. Trust that they’re managing their recovery unless they ask for help. Educate yourself about addiction so you can be supportive without being overbearing.

Is it better to avoid all holiday celebrations in early recovery to prevent relapse?

Not necessarily. Isolation can be as dangerous as exposure to triggers. The key is choosing thoughtfully which celebrations to attend based on your risk level and support needs. Sober holiday events, recovery community gatherings, or celebrations with supportive people who respect your sobriety might be protective rather than risky. Avoiding every celebration might increase loneliness and disconnection. But high-risk situations like parties centered around alcohol or gatherings with unsupportive family might be worth skipping. Work with your sponsor or therapist to evaluate each situation individually rather than making blanket decisions to avoid everything.