Relational Anarchy: Emotional Bonds Without Labels, In 9 Principles
In a society in which it is traditionally given in advance how and who to love, is it possible that two people can maintain an intimate bond without any type of label or hierarchy ?
At a time when the notion of romantic love still influences the conception of relationships, Relational anarchy rises as an alternative to these dynamics Throughout this article we will explain what this current of thought consists of and what its principles are.
Relational anarchy, also known as relational anarchism (RA) It is a way of understanding intimate relationships in which people are able to establish personal relationships that do not depend on or fall within a pre-established set of rules.
The people who carry it out consider it a lifestyle in which the management of their relationship is subject to the own principles or rules of the members who form it and not to the social conventions or conventions of the culture in which it exists. reside.
The relational anarchist maintains that love can take hundreds of forms , but none of them are subject to hierarchies, rules or laws imposed outside the relationship itself. If not, these links must appear spontaneously and develop naturally. In this way, the members of the couple are totally free to agree and determine what they want both for their relationship and for their ties with other people.
Within these dynamics, people who follow relational anarchism do not usually differentiate between ties that are traditionally considered “couple” and those that are not. If not, they take a much more flexible consideration of what can happen and what happens within these relationships.
However, it is necessary to specify that relational anarchism It does not mean that people do not have any type of commitment within their relationships but rather they themselves establish their own level and type of commitment according to the feelings they experience in the relationship with the other person.
As described above, It is possible to confuse relational anarchy with polyamory And while it is true that many relational anarchist people have several sexual-affective ties with other people, they will never categorize one relationship or another based on this.
Where and when did it arise?
Although the exact place and time in which relational anarchy began to be established is not clearly established, it is hypothesized that it is a current of thought derived or born within the polyamorous community
In 2006, Swedish author Andi Nordgren defined and explored this dynamic in relationships in a writing called Manifesto on Relational Anarchism. In it he explained, from his point of view, the principles by which relational anarchism was governed.
Principles of relational anarchism
As mentioned above, the writer Andi Nordgren wrote a manifesto in which the bases or principles of relational anarchy were explained.
What these principles say is the following.
1. “We can love many people and each relationship is unique”
Relational anarchy consider love as something infinite and unlimited Therefore, it can be exchanged with more than one person, without this being harmful to anyone.
This school of thought advocates appreciating each and every one of our relationships independently, without labels, hierarchy or comparisons.
2. “Love and respect instead of rights”
Another of the great principles that makes relational anarchism famous is the suppression of the idea that, in an intimate relationship, the two members have a series of rights over the other. That is, in each and every case, respect for the independence and self-determination of the other takes precedence. above all things, including obviously one’s own desires or interests
One of its star ideas within this manifesto is: “love is more real to us when people commit simply because that is part of what is expected to happen.”
3. “Let’s find our basic set of values”
People have the right and duty to develop their own map of personal values and apply it in your relationships with other people always based on consensus and communication with the other.
A real relationship cannot follow rules elaborated and imposed outside the person, since each subject is different and has a different way of conceiving love.
4. “Heterosexuality is everywhere, but let’s not let that scare us”
Broadly speaking, what this principle means is that even though our society and culture push us in a certain direction in terms of who we should or should not love, We should not be afraid to love anyone regardless of their sex or gender since it is our right to decide.
5. “Spontaneity instead of obligation”
Anyone has the freedom to express their love spontaneously, without any type of tie or obligation and following a sincere desire to get to know the other person.
Due to the influence of the society we live in, it can be difficult to break away from the traditional view of love and relationships. To achieve this change, the author advises using your imagination.
According to this strategy, The person can imagine a situation in which he or she acts and responds as desired , and not as the rules dictate. This way it will be much easier to apply it to real life.
Another option is to seek the support of other people with the same ideas or in the same situation to facilitate this change or transition.
7. “Trust helps”
The person determined to integrate into relational anarchism must accept the idea that the people around you and the ones you love have no intention of causing you any harm If the person adopts a posture of trust, instead of suspicion, doubt or suspicion, he will be able to maintain completely free relationships in which it will be much easier for him to let another person go if he so wishes.
8. “Let’s change through communication”
In order to achieve everything mentioned above, Communication between the people who form a bond must be constant and sincere Real relationships should revolve around communication, not just talking about feelings when problems arise.
9. “Let’s design commitments to suit us”
Finally, relational anarchy does not imply the suppression of commitment, but quite the opposite. It is based on that In each link between people, it is clarified what commitment exists between both
This current understands that there are different forms of commitments that do not have to be incompatible with certain behaviors or feelings, and encourages people to explicitly express what type of commitment they want with others.
