Relationships: ‘Neither With Nor Without You’

Relationships: 'Neither with nor without you'

What is it and why do we allow it?

If at any point in your life you have found yourself in the situation of being trapped in a type of toxic relationship, which does not make you happy, but from which you cannot get rid of, this article will help you.

That person with whom you have fallen in love, who comes and goes, who sometimes shows interest in you, but other times disappears without explanation, or who calls you when you least expect it, but is not there when you need them, is a type of person. from which you should stay away, it is an unhealthy love that will damage your dignity and your self-esteem without hardly realizing it. It is a relationship that consumes your energy, your positivity and your mood

It can destroy your mental health and it is necessary to establish limits and free yourself from it as soon as possible.

How to detect this situation?

You must detect if you are in a relationship based on “with you or without you”, on interest and selfishness, a relationship in which, despite having beautiful feelings towards that person, we cannot feel good, we do not enjoy, we do not We do not feel loved nor do we have the sensation of receiving the same as we give. Here are some clues that can help you detect if you are living in a relationship like this:

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Unsatisfactory relationships

And we ask ourselves ‘why do I allow it?’

Behind this question there may be thousands of answers, but the most frequent are usually the fear of abandonment, low self-esteem and a life path that, due to certain circumstances, leads us to emotional dependence in our interpersonal relationships, in addition to low self-esteem. In love it is necessary to assume that there are times when you have to lose, or even win depending on how you look at it, since you may be getting rid of a person who does not suit you.

What is clear is that The fear of abandonment causes us to look for any excuse to continue being with that person and endure things that we know harm us and we do not want to see. Self-deception sometimes makes us angry because it makes us wonder what we are doing and why. Hope is the first thing that, in this case, we must lose, because if we do, we will stop feeding the fantasy of being able to change things, of turning them into what we want. This prevents us from seeing reality objectively and clings to us continuing to allow a situation that is totally harmful to us.

Why do these people behave this way?

It is a type of question that is easy to ask, but whose answer is somewhat complex and difficult to get right since there are many factors at play.

People who “don’t eat or let you eat” want to have your attention when they need it, but without any type of commitment, because they get something pleasurable from you, either through your words and treatment, or even through sexual relations. that they can keep with you. Be that as it may, you feed their ego and self-perception and that is the only thing they seek without caring about anything else, they are selfish and enjoy being so.

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Within this type of behavior or need, it would be apparently logical to think that when you stop offering them what they want, they look for it because they miss it, but don’t be confused, because it is not you or your person who they want, but what you give him. If he really loved you, and knowing what you feel, he would walk away from you so as not to make you suffer or continue to keep you hooked on the idea of ​​getting a relationship, which he will never be willing to offer you.

How can I escape a relationship like this?

Keep in mind these guidelines:

  • Cut any type of relationship with that person.
  • Focus on working on your routine and your social and family environment. Make plans that make you feel good and help you disconnect and enjoy.
  • Delete those conversations or audio notes that you go back to again and again when you think about that person. This will only serve to continue maintaining an illusion and hope that will self-destruct.
  • Stop monitoring their movements through third parties or their social networks.
  • Don’t deceive yourself, try to draw the situation you are experiencing in another person, and reflect on what you would say or advise them. Listen to yourself, you will be surprised!
  • Go to your psychologist so they can help you work on the behaviors that have led you to allow this type of relationship. It is important that you work on yourself.