Relationships: The 5 Most Common Mistakes In Communication
Communication is one of the basic pillars of any relationship Couples are constantly changing and, therefore, being able to express our needs, desires and what bothers us is essential to reaching agreements that allow the couple to grow and evolve.
At the end of the day, it is about knowing how to communicate efficiently, knowing how to negotiate and setting limits when necessary. The problem is that no one teaches us how to communicate effectively on a daily basis, and if we add to that the emotions involved in a couple’s argument, we have the cocktail for disaster.
Therefore, in this article, I want to show you The most common errors in communication and how to solve them To illustrate these mistakes, I am going to explain them through a simple example: “Most of the time you take out the trash, it is a task that you don’t mind doing from time to time, but you would like your partner to also take care of this.” .
Common errors in communication within relationships
These are very common mistakes in the relationship.
1. Generalize
If you use words like “always” or “never” when arguing with your partner, you are generalizing. To begin with, your partner is unlikely to always/never do something, and if your goal is to get him to change his behavior, By generalizing you are only going to make him defensive and when one is on the defensive it is difficult to negotiate.
To do? Change the words always / never for specific moments: “You never take out the trash” > “This week you haven’t taken out the trash.”
2. Recriminate
When you communicate with your partner you have an objective, in the previous example “to take out the trash.” How do you achieve that goal? Focusing on him. A very common mistake when a couple argues is to “air the dirty laundry.” it starts talking about garbage and ends with “3 years ago you did…”.
To do? Focus on the goal, one thing at a time; If not, you will lose sight of your objective and you will not be able to solve anything.
3. Interpret
Don’t make personal interpretations of why your partner does or doesn’t do something, talk about the facts It is common to assume that what is bothering us comes from the personality characteristics of the partner, that it is done with bad intentions or because they do not care enough about us.
To do? Change the interpretation for the facts and what you would like to happen: “You don’t take out the trash because you are a lazy person / you don’t take out the trash because you don’t care about the relationship and you don’t collaborate” to “this week you haven’t taken out the trash, I I would like you to take it out today.”
4. Interrupt
Your partner is not going to feel comfortable if you interrupt him when he tries to communicate Each one must have their space to express themselves; If not, it can generate frustration, anger and losing the desire to communicate.
To do? Practice active listening, allow your partner to give their opinion and express themselves, and do the same. It is important to respect turns so that you both feel heard.
5. Avoid
It can be avoided in many ways, leaving the room, avoiding eye contact, using silence… Many people think that if they avoid arguing, the problem will solve itself we keep all those discussions in a little drawer until one day it bursts.
To do? Use the tools you have learned to have conversations aimed at achieving your goals, avoiding that conversation is not going to solve anything. In the event that at some point the conversation has to stop, let the person who had to “leave” be the one to pick it up again so you both know that you will have the opportunity to continue talking about the topic later.
summarizing
In summary, the first axiom of communication says: you cannot not communicate. We are continually communicating , even if we are silent and looking elsewhere. Therefore, it is up to you to decide if you want to communicate as you have done until now, or try to communicate in a more efficient way and improve your relationship. You decide!
