Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC): What Does It Consist Of?
Sometimes we communicate aggressively without realizing it, simply because we only attend to our needs. Discover nonviolent communication and how to put it into practice.
We live in a society where there are more and more people who do not think too much about what they say or how they say it. It is more important to vent and say what you feel impulsively than to think before speaking. This way of functioning usually generates relational problems; However, the person hides behind the fact that she is sincere and says what she thinks “you like it or you don’t like it“. Therefore, learning about the nonviolent communication or NVC It is precisely one of the pending issues to improve our relationships.
The psychologist Marshall Rosenberg he devised what he called Nonviolent Communication (NVC) a way of learning to communicate better, and that translates into a type of communication where communication takes precedence. assertiveness value judgments are suppressed and empathy is worked on.
To implement the CNV, it is necessary to clearly express needs or requests without accusing and taking into account the needs and desires of the other person. That is, we must avoid satisfying our needs at the expense of the frustration of others. In this way, Marshall Rosenverg started from the basis that human beings feel good when we give and receive things in solidarity and to be able to carry this out, we must be able to express but we must also learn to listen to others.
In order to carry out the nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg psychologists recommend the following actions.
1. Assess how I see it and how the other person sees it
Sometimes we forget the second part. We only think about how we see things ourselves and do not think about the other person’s perspective. That is what can cause conflict, since if we understand the other’s point of view, it is easier to achieve an agreement. nonviolent communication For example, imagine you are a teenager and you want to go to a concert but your parents won’t let you go.
Surely a thought like this easily comes to you: “You know that I am a fan of this group and that I am very excited to go, it is unfair that they don’t let me, I am a good son and I don’t deserve this”. The effort comes now, in thinking about the other person’s point of view. If you put yourself in your parents’ point of view you would say something like: “it is true that I am very excited to go to the concert and they know it, but it is also true that lately my academic performance has dropped and I have disobeyed them a lot so “If they let me go to the concert it’s like rewarding my bad behavior.”
2. Think about how I feel and how the other person feels
After analyzing what I think and what the other person thinks, the next step is to listen to the feelings. Continuing with the previous example, I may feel frustrated and sad about not being able to go to the concert and my parents may feel upset with my behavior and somewhat disappointed.
When we analyze the feelings of others, we give more complete meaning to the entire situation. If we only analyze our own, we are biasing a very important part and we reinforce ourselves or, as we would vulgarly say, “we get angry” giving rise to arguments or a aggressive communication
3. Analyze my desires and needs as well as those of others
After analyzing the context is when you can assess what you want or need and what the other person wants or needs. For example, what I want is to go to the concert and my parents need my behavior at home to be more obedient and mature. Therefore, one of the steps to carry out non-violent communication It is by analyzing one’s own desires and those of others that a request or negotiation can be reached in a comprehensive, empathetic and assertive way.
4. Make the request taking into account your own point of view and that of others
He definitive step of non-violent communication It is being able to make the request in an assertive way, that is, expressing your needs taking into account those of others. In the case we are dealing with it could be something like: “I know that you have been hurt with me lately because I have been a little disobedient and I have behaved like a capricious child. I know that I have no right to ask this of you but I am really looking forward to going. to this group’s concert. That’s why I commit to doing my homework every day, studying at least one hour a day, and fulfilling my obligations at home before and after the concert.”
According to the scheme of communication by Marchall Rosenberg When you express your vulnerabilities to others it can drastically reduce our conflicts with others. In this way, if you are faced with a situation where bad words are present in your conversation, one of the keys is to try to express how you feel and how vulnerable you feel about it.
When we face a negative communication scheme, we have four options. The first is that we can blame ourselves and wonder why we are the cause of the negativity. The second is to place the blame directly on the speaker. These first two options are unhealthy because they suggest that communication should be viewed in terms of binaries, and that it is either/or in terms of who is to blame.
In many cases, people do not know how to express our emotions to others and this can lead to a problem in our relationships. Therefore, if you think that you cannot communicate effectively, you can always consult with a professional psychologist. The objective of this Rosenberg nonviolent communication It is mainly being aware of our own needs and feelings and focusing on the needs of the other person.
Now already do you know how to apply non-violent communication Try to put it into practice and you will see how you save yourself more than one unnecessary conflict. Don’t get frustrated if you find it difficult to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, if you don’t do it regularly it is normal that it is difficult for you, but try it and if it doesn’t work for you, ask the other person how they feel and what their point of view is. . With practice you will end up being an expert in empathy and your relationships will be much more satisfactory.
