Self-deception And Self-boycott, Dangers To Oneself
What is self-deception? And the autoboycott? How do we do it? How can we stop self-deceiving and self-boycotting? Below I give you the keys to stop being a slave to them.
Lie It is something we all do to a greater or lesser extent. We lie to others but we also lie to ourselves. That is what is called self-deception.
He self-deception are those lies that we tell ourselves unconscious (in most cases) to not accept reality that we dislike or find unpleasant.
I will give you an example of a real patient who deceives himself: a few weeks ago one of my patients explained to me that his father died when he was barely 8 years old. He had idealized him, since he was the one with whom he played ball on the weekends and was someone very loved in the neighborhood. He died tragically and since he was so small, little by little he erased the memories he had. Now this boy is 32 years old and he confessed to me that many of the memories he has of his father are actually not such a thing, but illusions. He has been filling in the gaps with dreams and idealizations about his father that allow him to be more at peace and proud of having had a father figure (even if it was for a short time).
This is just one example of self-deception, but we do it all the time. For example: “I start the diet on Monday.” You know perfectly well that on Monday you will deceive yourself again and give yourself another excuse to postpone the start of the diet for another week. Even though you know it, you can’t help but formulate this phrase. Because? Just to not feel guilty. If I set a new goal and justify the reason for my lack of commitment, I don’t feel bad about myself and I give myself license to “sin” for another week.
Another example could be justifying being in a relationship and staying in the comfort zone for fear of change. We tell ourselves phrases like: “I really don’t know why I want to leave him, he’s a good person, he treats me well and we’re not that bad” when in reality we know that staying in that unstable balance makes us feel bad about ourselves.
What leads us to self-deception?
As I mentioned before, accepting reality is hard There are those who say: “the truth hurts” and it is true. Sometimes it can be a blow that is too hard for us to face and that is why we fill in the gaps or replace some ideas with others in order to feel better about ourselves. We normally do not do this mechanism consciously, and that is the great danger: if we are not conscious, we cannot change it.
What can we do to get out of self-deception?
The main thing is be self-critical and analytical, that is, being your own thought detective. Analyze those internal dialogues and ask yourself: What is true in what I am thinking? Do self-criticism and face the truth Only in this way can you be a little happier. If you don’t, your happiness will be false and you will feel hopelessly bad even if you tell yourself that everything is going great for you.
I once had a girl in therapy who came because she scratched herself, made wounds, and then ripped off all the scabs on her body. She said that she had this mania but in reality these types of behaviors are usually related to anxiety and underneath the anxiety there is some dissatisfaction in life. No matter how much I tried to delve into her inner world, she only said that everything was going well and that her life was very happy, that the only thing that was going wrong was that. Inevitably there was therapeutic failure since no matter how many attempts were made, she never opened up emotionally. This is a serious case of self-deception and not being able to accept reality.
He self-boycott are those self-deceptions that They lead us to behaviors that harm us physically and/or psychologically.
For example: I don’t feel like studying and since I don’t feel like it, I think I’m hungry (self-deception) and I go on a binge (self-boycott), thus I fill the void of boredom with food and in the process I hurt myself physically and psychologically, since one Once with a full belly, I feel bloated, my stomach hurts and I feel guilty for having eaten all that when I also know I’m on a diet.
Another example would be to stay in a job that does not fulfill you and you know that even if you lost your job you would be better off than you are, but you don’t do it because you think that in reality you are not that bad (self-deception) and that you will not be able to find a job. I work better, you complain about nothing (self-boycott). This makes you feel guilty, because you think you are too demanding and you also feel inferior or incapable, because you believe that you don’t deserve a better job or that you will never be able to achieve it.
How to stop self-boycotting?
The best way out of the autoboycott is once again awareness Being aware that what you are saying to yourself is something that hurts you and prevents you from changing, is what will allow you to formulate a decision. new alternative and therefore do something different Be brave and face difficulties, accept the boredom of studying or assume that changing jobs involves a certain risk, but if you don’t risk, you don’t win.
