Self-hatred: What It Is And How To Overcome This Problem
Many people reject their own way of being and behaving without being aware of it on some occasions, so they have high levels of self-criticism, they value themselves quite little and it may even be the case that they cannot stand hearing their own voice on recordings. These symptoms and some more could be behind a problematic psychological condition.
Self-hatred, or self-hatred, is a form of extreme criticism that a person may carry out toward themselves so that it may appear that nothing they do or say is succinctly good or adequate. For all this, that person would think that she is not unworthy or that she is not deserving of the good things that life could offer her.
In this article we will see what is self-hatred and how it could affect our mental health.
Self-hatred is related to a psychological dynamic in which a person has integrated and reinforced a series of feelings related to a negative view of oneself so this will prevent you from being able to see and value all the positive traits you have and all your potential.
Furthermore, self-hatred encompasses a series of ongoing feelings related to guilt and inadequacy in relation to everything one does, so it can cause people to constantly compare themselves with others, perceiving only the negative and ignoring the positive. Therefore, they will believe that they will never be good enough, while the reality is far from this since each person has a value that makes them unique and potentially has the ability to cultivate self-love and what they need is to develop the necessary tools. for it.
You could even say that self-hatred could arise from low self-esteem, which can come from various factors and situations. It could start from events that occurred during childhood or adolescence (for example, having suffered some trauma or having been a victim of bullying at school), which have made that person think that they are worth less than others or that they consider that there is something wrong with her and that she is not worthy of affection.
On the other hand, self-hatred is also linked to various mental health problems such as depression or other mood disorders, some addictions, post-traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia spectrum disorders, borderline personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder or some eating disorders (ED), among others. In most cases, self-hatred is usually associated with low levels of self-esteem.
Some of the most common thoughts that people tend to have when they despise themselves may be the following: “I knew I was going to fail,” “I don’t know why I’m trying if I’m not going to do it well,” “I’m a loser”, “I have done everything wrong”, etc.
These examples of thoughts and others like them are quite common when a person suffers from self-hatred, being quite disabling in various facets of their life So if you don’t find a way to challenge and reframe those negative thoughts, while practicing a more positive and optimistic type of internal conversation, it is likely that the associated problems and mental health will worsen. If necessary, it would be best to seek professional help.
Main signs of self-hatred
When a person despises themselves, there are a series of signs and behaviors that could help us detect a problem that so considerably affects the mental health and different areas of the lives of those who suffer from it. Some of these signs are what we are going to briefly explain below.
1. Excessive criticism of oneself
One of the clearest signs that can be observed in cases of self-hatred is excessive self-criticism. When these people make a mistake, no matter how small, They regret it greatly and often have difficulty forgiving themselves for it. Therefore, it is common for them to curse out loud when it has happened or for a series of negative thoughts directed towards themselves to come to mind. They are also likely to comment on various occasions about their regret for past mistakes, things they did wrong or opportunities they missed.
2. See only the negative side
In these types of cases, it is common for them to always focus on the negative of things, even when they have had a good day or have done things well. Despite this, they will find something negative or something that did not go perfectly so they can regret it. Thus, They will not be able to stop despising themselves even on the days or times in which things are going well or better than usual.
3. Have dichotomous thinking
Dichotomous thinking, also known as “all or nothing” thinking, is a way of thinking through which you see everything around you from the extremes, so that you never realize that there may be a middle ground and This way, if they make a mistake, they tend to think that everything has gone wrong and they have failed.
4. Striving to fit in with other people and taking criticism very badly
It is quite common that they are continually trying to fit in with other people or groups and they see it as a great failure when they do not succeed or things do not go as expected. Furthermore, criticism is usually taken personally since They do not have the capacity to fit them properly.
On the other hand, they also do not usually accept compliments and tend to have a rather negative outlook on life. All of this makes it even more difficult for their relationships with other people to be as successful as they would like.
Tips to combat self-hatred
To combat self-hatred, there are some exercises that a person can put into practice without anyone’s help to begin to change those associated negative thoughts and feelings. Next, we are going to briefly explain some of them that are quite easy to put into practice. It should be noted that, if necessary, you must seek help from a mental health professional.
1. Pay attention to self-hatred triggers
When trying to combat self-hatred, it would be advisable to start by looking for its root in order to know what the origin is and thus know what could have caused all those negative feelings that have been directed towards oneself. An exercise that could help you do this is writing a diary where it is about writing down each day what has been done and the feelings and thoughts associated with each activity. This way we could begin to detect the possible triggers of those negative feelings and thoughts.
Once you have identified the triggers for those negative thoughts, you can begin to work on finding ways to avoid them or at least minimize them as much as possible. In those cases in which these triggers cannot be avoided, for whatever reason, tools can be sought that can help minimize the discomfort and thus tolerate these types of situations.
2. Practice positive self-talk
Because of self-hatred, it is common for internal dialogue to be quite negative throughout the day so that there will be times when there is no self-compassion. Given this, it could be useful to write down a list of the positive things that one has, taking advantage of those moments of the day or times when one feels better.
If it is difficult at first, do not worry, this takes time. You can start with things you don’t hate about yourself (e.g., how well you cook your favorite dish, how well you take care of your pet, etc.). Anything that comes to mind that is positive or at least not considered negative is fine.
Once this list has been made, it should be placed in a place where it is visible so that it can be read every day and can be used when thoughts related to self-hatred appear. At these moments you have to stop, try to calm down by taking a series of deep breaths, and then it’s time to recite out loud that list of positive things about yourself. It could also be useful to have that list written down on your phone so you can refer to it at all times.
Related article: “Negative self-talk: what it is, how it affects us and how to manage it”
3. Challenge and reframe your own negative thoughts related to that self-hatred
In those moments when it is difficult to avoid thoughts of self-hatred, you can try to have a conversation with yourself, and in that case you should challenge those kinds of thoughts.
To give a brief example, when thoughts like “I hate myself” come to mind, it might help to ask yourself the “why” of that thought. If the answer is something like “because those clothes look bad on me” or “because he was the culprit of ruining that date”, or any other style, we would have to resort to thoughts that challenge those conclusions that have been drawn hastily and without foundation. . Then you have to tell yourself “all those reasons I have given are really not true” and then You have to reason the reasons why those thoughts are not real.
This is just a simple example and what it is intended to do is explain that the idea of this type of exercise is to look for what is really behind all those thoughts of self-hatred and to reason about the reasons why it is real what one thinks of negative thinking towards oneself. This can help shift negative thoughts to a different perspective that is more realistic and positive.
4. Seek professional help
Finally, it is worth mentioning that we are not alone and, therefore, we should never be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. We can start by seeking support from someone close and trusted, and then seek help from a mental health professional or opt directly for professional support. Anyways, It is important to seek help when you are going through a bad time and you can’t find a way to move forward, a professional can help you manage that self-hatred and all those associated negative thoughts and feelings that cause so much discomfort.
