We usually associate the traumatic events or difficult things as something negative and we tend to feel sorry for people who are going through them, but I would like to be able to offer the other side of the coin. We can learn from them and grow in various aspects of our lives thanks to bad times or moments that have caused us a great psychological impact. This does not mean we should downplay the importance or seriousness of the event, but rather we must assess the fact that it has both negative and positive aspects and focus on the latter.
Surely some event comes to mind that since it happened, your life has never been the same, and it is common for you to believe that things are better now than before Because, at the end of the day, most of us are capable of turning the page on these bad moments.
This is precisely what I want to talk about today, the resilience .
Resilience is the ability to face life’s adversities, emerging stronger from them It is the result of a dynamic process that varies depending on the circumstances, the nature of the situation, the context and the stage of the individual’s life, which can be expressed differently depending on the culture (Manciaux et al., 2001).
As a process, it is not so much the person themselves, but rather the evolution and the structuring process of their own life history (Cynulnik, 2001).
To find out what resilient people are like, there is nothing better than reading Bertrand Regader’s article entitled “The resistant personality: are you a strong person?”, where you can have a more extensive vision of this issue. The fundamental characteristics of the resilient personality, summarized, are the following:
They cope with difficult experiences using el humor creative exploration and optimistic thinking (Fredickson and Tugade, 2003). This positive change who experience the result of the struggle process leads them to a better situation compared to the one they were in before the event occurred (Calhoun and Tedechi, 1999). The changes can be in oneself (at an individual level), in interpersonal relationships (with other people) and in the philosophy of life.
Changes in self: increases confidence in one’s own abilities to face the adversities that the future presents to us. It is common in people who have been subjected to very strict rules in the past and through their struggle, they have managed to redirect their lives.
Changes in personal relationships: The traumatic experience can strengthen the bond of relationships with people who have been through these difficult times.
Changes in life philosophy: Harsh experiences tend to shake the ideas on which our vision of the world is built (Janoff-Bulman, 1992). Value scales change and the value of things that were previously ignored or taken for granted is often more appreciated.
Does that mean there is no suffering?
Of course negative emotions and stress are experienced, in fact**, without it personal growth** would not be possible through them, it does not eliminate pain, but coexists with it.
It also does not mean that there is growth in all aspects of the person’s life, but rather that positive changes may be experienced in some areas but not in others.
Among the most studied life events are parental divorce and traumatic stressors such as abuse, abandonment, and war (Grarmezy and Masten, 1994 ).
One of the best-known cases about resilience is that of Tim Guenard and he explains it in his book: “Stronger than hate ”.
When he was 3 years old his mother abandoned him on an electricity pole At 5, his father beat him up and made him stay in the hospital until he was 7. He spent the rest of his childhood from foster home to foster home. He suffered mistreatment from the people in charge of his care and ended up in a psychiatric hospital due to an administrative error and from there to a reform school, where he learned to hate the entire world and only the desire to kill his father kept him going.
The vicious circle continued with more escapes, physical abuse, experiences on the street, a rape and prostitution mafias.
From the age of 16, his life began to change and now Tim is a man of almost 50 years old, happily married with 4 children He welcomes people with problems into his own home, guiding and encouraging them to find new reasons to live, offering them a roof over their heads and a helping hand. Thus he fulfills his promise that he made in his adolescence: to welcome others with the same needs that he suffered.
