Self-love And Selfishness: How Are They Different?
A term we hear a lot about lately is self-love. Although it may seem like a recent idea, different philosophers and thinkers have conceptualized their ideas about loving oneself. Augustine of Hippo did it, and Aristotle had done it before. The latter also delved into the ambiguity of the concept of self-love or selfishness, a distinction that remains blurred even today. Our worldview has changed radically since then, so even what we understand by “self-love” and what we mean by “selfishness” has undergone alterations.
Not being able to understand the differences between both concepts can lead to problems in our relationship with ourselves and with others; so then We will see how to distinguish self-love from selfishness and why it is important to do so.
As we said, self-love is a topic that has been addressed by different thinkers throughout history and whose paths have intersected with that of psychology. It is not an easy term to define, but we could maintain that it is about the acceptance of the characteristics that constitute oneself in a broad sense – physical, psychological or cultural -, a determining quality in the way in which we observe the reality and ourselves.
However, the contributions of scientific psychology to the conception of self-love have been made from the concept of self-esteem. Self-esteem refers to an individual’s subjective evaluation of his or her own worth as a person. It is important to emphasize the word subjective, since self-esteem does not refer to the objective talents or abilities of a person, nor to how this person is evaluated by others; but rather it is a feeling of self-sufficiency or fulfillment. Also involves feelings of self-acceptance and self-respect Here we can see how this concept is colored by the idea of self-love that many philosophers have delved into.
Something also relevant about self-esteem is that, although it is a relatively stable quality, it is not completely static or immutable. That makes it correct to refer to it not only as a quality, but as a variable measurable at an empirical level; We could say, an “amount” capable of fluctuating depending on the circumstances. When it is commonly said that someone “has very good self-esteem” it is because that state of positive evaluation of the person with themselves has lasted over time.
In fact, some research has studied how self-esteem fluctuates with age. The evidence suggests that it increases from adolescence to middle adulthood, its peak is between the ages of fifty and sixty, and then declines towards old age. Likewise, determining a person’s self-esteem seems to be useful as a predictor of well-being in certain areas of life, such as health, interpersonal relationships or work.
How is self-love different from selfishness?
Beyond what has been developed, there are still many people who confuse self-love with selfishness, or, in any case, who are reluctant to the idea of loving themselves. In part, this is because the idea that being selfish is sinful still persists within Western culture. Other qualities, however, such as humility, being “low profile” or sacrificing personal well-being for the good of others, are put on a pedestal. Therefore, it is understandable that these two concepts lend themselves to confusion, and therefore, many fear that self-acceptance will be seen by others as a selfish or deplorable attitude.
Nevertheless, Difficulties in discerning both concepts can have consequences Not cultivating self-love due to the mistaken belief that this would imply following the path of selfishness could lead to attitudes such as not recognizing one’s own achievements and not being grateful when one is flattered, expressed in modest phrases such as: “Yes, it has gone very well for me.” “I did well on the exam, but I was also lucky with the questions I got.”
On the other hand, this confusion hides the danger of not knowing how to set limits for others for fear that doing so would be a selfish act. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Have the ability to set a limit for another person That I am engaging in some behavior that makes one uncomfortable or causes some discomfort—for example, asking my partner not to use the cell phone when I am telling him how my day was—supposes an attitude that expresses self-care. On the other hand, someone who considers that “saying no” in certain situations is an act of selfishness—bragging about phrases that might sound like “he’s just had a long day and has the right to use the phone for a while”—could sacrifice something. extremely valuable for herself, such as sharing quality time with her partner.
Self-love, contrary to the strong connotation of “selfishness” that tends to be assigned to it, does not mean stopping thinking about others either. Acts of self-love will allow honest and robust interpersonal ties to be established, leading to an improvement between both parties. Saying what happens to one is also caring for the other. In fact, a good self-concept will enable the person to evaluate in which circumstances it is worth setting limits and in which circumstances it is worth allowing certain attitudes of the other. The latter can also be a functional decision for his life. Ultimately, power take off The concept of self-love from that of selfishness can shed light on the importance of value and accept our unique qualities and, at the same time, evaluate those behaviors that we believe we could modify to build a better bond with ourselves and others.
