Sexual Self-esteem: Silencing The Mind And Awakening The Body
There are many people who, when they have a sexual relationship, are often conditioned by a series of factors that can cause them to not enjoy the experience as they should. That is to say: with full awareness of really enjoying, surrendered to pleasure and sensations.
The factors that can hinder the practice of sex tend to be different for each person; However, we can find a common link. Factors such as lack of sexual self-esteem and, consequently, the inability to surrender to pleasure, are usually behind unsatisfactory sexual practices. Or not entirely satisfactory.
Sexual self-esteem: How do you see yourself and feel about your sexuality?
The concept ‘sexual self-esteem’ refers to the ability to feel desirable and have confidence and security to experience sexuality in a satisfactory and pleasurable way is the psychological factor that influences how we experience sex.
When sexual self-esteem is impaired, it generates frustration, shame, insecurity and consequently sexual dysfunctions such as lack of desire, anorgasmia, dyspareunia, vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and aversion to sex.
A person’s level of sexual self-esteem will have a clear and direct influence on the decisions they make in their intimate relationships: who you aspire to be with, what you dare to do or, most importantly, what degree of satisfaction you are capable of achieving.
In turn, having more or less sexual self-esteem will have to do with many factors, including the culture in which one grew up, the experiences one has had, religiosity, age, education, references, among others. much others.
Evidently, The level of sexual self-esteem will vary throughout life A person can present different types of self-esteem depending on the situation he is facing at any given moment or the relationships he has with the people around him. However, many experts agree that the basis of self-esteem will be found in childhood. Self-esteem in general and, consequently, sexual self-esteem.
And the key to everything is security. Self-confidence, which is like a great column on which self-image, self-concept and sexual competence will be supported Whether this column, this central trunk, is more or less firm, more or less robust, will determine the ability to experience full and satisfactory sexuality.
In the same way that self-esteem affects the way we show ourselves to others, the way we relate, in the sexual sphere, it will also directly condition us. So much so that behind many sexual dysfunctions we will find low sexual self-esteem.
The ability to surrender to pleasure and mental control
When it comes to having sex, it is important have the ability to silence the mind and connect with oneself And this is not easy. Discovering one’s own erotic potential through the senses, knowing how to identify internal discourse and convincing oneself that a body is perfect just the way it is… is not easy.
Most people tend to fall into rumination. Society – social pressure – pushes us to think too much in moments when we should simply surrender to the experience, when we should only surrender to pleasure.
Television, movies, the collective imagination, weigh on us and They lead us to obsess over how we do it, whether we will know how to do it, and whether the other person will like it Many people are so distressed by the “examination” that they have turned sex into, that they do not enjoy the experience.
Keys to enhance sexual self-esteem
These are the fundamental psychological guidelines and keys that can help you reinforce your sexual self-esteem.
1. Detect the causes
The first step to solving a problem is to recognize it. Thus, we can identify the different causes that have generated the current state of widespread feeling of sexual insecurity And we could summarize them in these three.
The sexual education we have received will affect our sexual experience and self-esteem.
If we have learned that touching and exploring ourselves is bad, that sex is dirty, that expressing pleasure is a vicious person, that everything is one’s own responsibility in bed, that we have to achieve a series of objectives… And if besides, stereotypes indicate that everything must be magnificent and often the sexual education received is none other than pornography (it has been our model, where everything is a movie but we believe it, erections are eternal, women have super-orgasms immediately, sex is absolutely coitocentric)… All of this will lead us to false expectations and sexual blockages and dysfunctions.
1.2. Limiting beliefs
Limiting beliefs are thoughts about ourselves or our situation that prevent us from being ourselves. Detecting them is the first step to free ourselves from them
How do we talk to each other? What do we tell ourselves? “I won’t measure up”, “I’m going to fail”, “I’m fat”, “he’s not going to like me”, “I won’t do it well”
How does what we say to ourselves make us feel? The emotions that appear are anxiety, fear, frustration, shame, pressure. These experiences do not let us be, They restrict our freedom
1.3. Lack of communication
Self-knowledge and asking for what we want through the development of good communication is quite a challenge. A primary value of sexuality is respect. When I have good sexuality, I should be able to say what I want and what I don’t; all we are not the same, and communication will be key When we are able to open ourselves to experience, this will set us free.
2. Take action
AND, Once the causes have been detected, the objective is not to get stuck in them and learn to counteract them We can achieve this with the following steps.
How do you relate to yourself? You are the most important person in your life, put yourself first, identify your own needs, are more important than those of others. Think about yourself and stop always wanting to please, allow yourself to make mistakes, pamper yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself, treat yourself with love, remember that the higher your self-esteem, the greater your sexual satisfaction.
2.2. Self-exploration and discovery of your erotic potential
Knowing yourself helps you feel better about sexuality Because we will know who we are and what we are like. We must relax, be present, and discover ourselves through the different senses… From what place do you relate to your body? How do you touch yourself? Do you do it with love? Love your body! What do you feel? What do you smell? What do you taste?… Feel, feel, feel! Discovering ourselves and opening ourselves to live the experience free of judgments will increase sexual satisfaction.
3.3. Free your Mind
This step consists of freeing the mind clearing preconceived thoughts and replacing them with thoughts that empower us Live the real experience, and not the one we have created in our minds.
We don’t need to reach orgasm, we don’t need to force ourselves to reach it. There is no possibility of “failing” because in the fact of feeling pleasure there is no possible failure. Convincing ourselves of this is going to be essential. Repeating the following positive self-affirmations helps reinforce sexual self-esteem:
I am worthy of feeling pleasure. I feel the pleasure in every moment.
