Stress And Anxiety: Irrational Ideas Discussion Technique

Human beings have the ability to engage in dialogue and/or conversations with ourselves when thinking or interpreting the circumstances that happen to us and we can do so about practically anything. This internal conversation that happens in our thinking and imagination also has the quality of being rational or irrational. When it is irrational, it contributes to increasing, and sometimes disproportionately, both our emotional reactions and our inappropriate behaviors when faced with stress.

Next, we show examples of irrational ideas that we must combat and that are the causes of our psychological discomfort:

For example: “or All or Nothing”:

1. “I shouldn’t feel bad because if I don’t it means I won’t be able to bear it.”
2. “Nothing makes me feel good.”
3. “Everything stops caring, even eating”,…

What can I argue against? For example we could discuss it thinking the following:

1. “It is normal to feel bad, over time I will improve but the most important thing is that it will allow me to put into practice some of the strategies that I did not know before but that I am now beginning to know, so the time has come to start working with them” …
2. “It’s not true, there are many things that make me feel good and a very important one is that I have people around me who love me and care about me, so from now on I will pay attention to these small details”…
3. “Now I see everything black and it seems that everything is too big for me, but who wouldn’t after a situation that has lasted too long, there are many things that matter to me like my job, my family, my friends or the people I love but above all everything myself, it is time to start fighting and taking into account, with even more force if possible, even the smallest details that until now have gone unnoticed by me”…

For example:

1. “I’m having a very bad time but mine are not as bad or at least they don’t show it as I would like.”
2. “I have to manage to finish this or that and make it perfect, I have to control everything so that it turns out well, otherwise what are others going to think of me.”
3. “Others don’t think about things as much as I do, it’s just that I am like that and I always have been.”

How could I debate it, what could I argue against? ? For example we could discuss it thinking the following:

1. “If I’m having a bad time, I’m sure those around me are too, they just don’t show it so as not to add more pain to what I manifest, from now on I’m going to work whatever it takes to get out of this situation that overwhelms me, looking for other alternatives that allow me to feel more comfortable, I have my whole life ahead of me”…
2. “Okay, I have to do this job but little by little, I have always done it and it has turned out much better than I thought, why isn’t it going to be like that now, and even if it doesn’t turn out perfect, is the world going to collapse?” “Doing everything I can will be a lot”…
3. “Everyone who is responsible cares about doing things as best as possible and that alone is enough. I am not going to get better results by going around more, I am going to dedicate the necessary time but without becoming obsessed, without turning it into a battle.” dialectic that almost always ends up being negative, I am going to look for other alternatives and solutions”…

For example:

1. “And if I can’t get over it,”
2. “I will always be terrible,”
3. “And if I can’t drive with what I like”)

What other statements can I make that contradict these? For example we could discuss it thinking the following:

1. “It is not true that I cannot overcome it, in fact I am already trying, I am going to fight with all my strength and he who fights and works achieves it and I am going to try”…
2. “On the contrary, I feel much better since I decided to try it, in fact I have never felt so good, now I know what I do, what I think and what I feel, this is essential to be able to control a situation.” , to control something you first have to know it and that is what I am learning”…
3. “Okay, so far anxiety has won, but complaining doesn’t achieve anything, it’s time to start acting, it’s never too late if you try. I want to overcome this and it won’t be for me, I’m going to go for it, if I can’t drive I relax and see what happens, it’s time to act and instead of worrying and regretting I’m going to get busy and act”…

For example:

1. “This is a disaster, I don’t know why but it’s getting worse.”
2. “I feel terrible, and if I don’t achieve what others expect of me or what I expect of myself, something is going to happen to me, I’m going to fail, it always goes wrong for me!”
3. “I’m going to get so nervous that I won’t be able to do it and if I do it it will turn out very badly, like before!”)

What can I argue against? For example we could discuss it thinking the following:

1. “No, not everything is a disaster, not everything goes wrong for me, I am achieving what many have not even come close to, for now I have come this far, no one has given me anything, I have achieved everything with my effort”…
2. “No, I don’t feel terrible, just a little nervous but I will be much better physically and psychologically because now I have resources and help, failure will come if I don’t do anything to try, I can try and everyone who tries succeeds, I just have to take into account and put into practice other alternatives”…
3. “It is not true either, before I did not know how to relax, I did not control the cognitive, physiological or motor response, in fact I did not even know them, now I know them and little by little I will control them, it is all a matter of practicing to learn to detect them, to control them and check where the fault is and this will help me achieve more things, better and in less time”…

For example:

1. “Seeing myself so nervous makes me feel very bad, this is sometimes unbearable”
2. “What happens to me does not happen to others, if I go alone: ​​bad, if I go accompanied: bad too”
3. Every time I have to give my opinion on a topic I get really sick and I can’t stand it because I get worse every time.” What evidence do I have to support this?

What other conclusions can I reach? For example we could discuss it thinking the following:

1. “No, I’m not terrible, it’s true that I would like to feel better, but it’s still early, the time I spend practicing will surely have its reward, the time has come to act, little by little I will learn to control”…
2. “It’s true, others don’t have what happens to me, but I have many positive qualities, I just haven’t learned to detect them, tell them, and believe them”…
3. Until now this has been the case but it is time to modify and put in place the means so that this can be controlled. The time has come to begin to observe, detect and recognize the best in me, without overlooking small important details, contemplating myself realistically but without ignoring everything positive that may be in me. Life has to be worked little by little and successes come only to those who fight to move forward and do not give up at the first setback. The here and now will be, from this moment on, key elements for me…

For example:

1. “I get so nervous that it gets more and more continuous and stronger”
2. “I’m not going to be able to handle the situation, and if I have an anxiety attack and if I run out of breath or start crying…”
3. “What if the same thing happens to me as when I stood there not knowing what to do or say?”

How can I dispute these claims? For example we could discuss it thinking the following:

1. “Of course it has been like that until now but I want to solve the problem, I am going to try with all my might and I am going to learn to control, it is time to start practicing self-control”…
2. “Of course I will be able to, as much as it may be difficult for me to admit it, I have many things in my favor and a very important one is my capacity for effort and work, I have demonstrated this for many years and it is time to bet on what I am worth, I will only have I have to try a little harder but what is clear is that I will come out very strengthened by it, little by little I will learn to face it in a much more rational way, without avoidance, without fear and without lack of control. If others achieve it, I can do it too”…
3. Okay, I know that until now that has been my way of functioning, believing that objectively I have everything against me, but then reality has shown me the opposite, I have succeeded on other occasions and I have been able to solve other problems. Now I have resources that I didn’t have before, I’m going to relax, I’m going to discuss with myself any irrational idea without a real basis that justifies it, I’m going to work on it every day and I’m going to do everything I can, I’m sure it’s much more than what others do, I’m going to start putting my own capabilities into action. If I can be proud of something, it is my capacity for effort and work. If I don’t try I will never know what could have happened if I had tried…

For example:

1. “I have to control everything so as not to disappoint my people”
2. “If I don’t control everything, I won’t be able to achieve anything.”
3. I have to have everything very organized so that it turns out perfect.

What can I argue against these claims? For example we could discuss it thinking the following:

1. “I don’t have to control everything, I can make some mistakes” “To learn you have to make mistakes, if I don’t make them I don’t learn” “They may have been disappointed, but we all make mistakes” “I have decided to start fighting to get out of this in the best possible way, even if I don’t do it perfectly, I will get there.”
2. “It’s time to change, why am I going to control everything if I’m not God, if it’s impossible. I am going to control what I can cover and trying is more than enough, everything will come little by little. If I insist on controlling everything, the only thing I will achieve is to feel worse and worse, better a little and good than a lot and bad. If I want to control it, all I am going to achieve phenomenally well is to block myself and act inappropriately, due to physical and psychological discomfort…
3. It is good to be organized but if it becomes an obsession it turns against you, besides, perfect does not exist because there will always be someone who says otherwise, I am going to allow myself the luxury of seeing what happens when I do not organize and control everything, even I got a surprise…

For combat irrational ideas we must confront them and discuss them with ourselves, see what part of reality and truth they have, not settle for anticipating simple answers without having questioned, contrasted, analyzed, experimented and put them into operation but truly, looking for other more realistic and positive alternatives, without deceiving ourselves, without seeking absurd justifications, not settle for the subjective as we have been doing until now because as the facts show us it does not work, put ourselves in the other’s place, try to see how a person who does not have the problems that I have would see it, learn to observe how others who see things in a much more positive way work. In short, try to see how an outsider would see it and, most importantly, allow ourselves the luxury of making mistakes to learn from them, analyzing the consequences, experimenting with them and selecting what works best for us.

For example: “You consider that you do everything wrong” But how do the people who really love you see you?” “What do the real facts say as a consequence of your actions” “It is undoubtedly annoying and undesirable not to be able to sleep, but are you going to die because of it? Are you going to die if you don’t do absolutely everything perfect? ​​Are you going to feel better if you start by relaxing or, on the contrary, do you prefer to continue regretting without doing anything to modify your emotional state? Is it so important for you and your loved ones that you only live for work or can you do without something and contemplate other things, learning to enjoy them? Is it better to ruminate on your problems or open the doors to finding solutions? Is it better to regret it or find the means to solve the problem? “You mention that you get, sometimes so nervous, that you feel terrible.” Without a doubt, it is annoying and undesirable to feel terrible. But are you really going to die from it? Have you died despite how bad you looked? Have you allowed yourself the luxury of seeing what could have happened if you had used your time and energy to relax a little or look for other alternatives? Have you allowed yourself the luxury of checking whether spending time relaxing is more effective than dedicating all your effort and energy to reaching the goal by continually reviewing how bad you felt in certain situations? Have you allowed yourself to compare the difference? Maybe you are exaggerating and the time has come to try other things, to see how you feel emotionally, physically and psychologically and to be able to decide if it is worth it or not. It’s about understanding the irrationality of your beliefs and how you have learned to perceive things in an inappropriate way, which has generated emotions that you cannot control, that get out of hand.

Therefore, it is necessary that adopt a new way of thinking, which will be as positive as possible and eminently rational, is about forcing you to contrast your way of thinking, not to give up without a fight, to look for other alternatives that contradict your beliefs, to learn to interpret reality in a more adaptive and Think about how another person would do it where anxiety does not occupy the majority of their time. What other alternatives or solutions are you ignoring and yet they are there even when you don’t see them? Fight for your thoughts with the same strength and intensity as you have done with your negative ideas and feelings.

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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