The 2 Traits We Look At Most When Meeting Someone
The power of first impressions has been known in Psychology for a long time.
When we come into contact with someone for the first time, especially if it is in person, the conclusions we draw from that person during the first minutes of interaction will determine the way in which we judge them from that moment on. All the information that reaches us about that individual after that critical stage will be regulated by the presence of those sensations that aroused in us before.
However, It is still the subject of debate which are the specific personal characteristics that we pay most attention to to decide if someone is worth it or not.
Amy Cuddy has spent 15 years researching the power of first impressions to shed light on this topic and has come to the conclusion that when we meet someone, we primarily look at two characteristics. And, furthermore, they do not simply consist of an analysis of the physique of the person in front of us.
As Cuddy explains in her book Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges, when we come into contact with someone for the first time we ask ourselves two questions: “Can I trust this person?” and “can I respect this person?”
Curiously, although first impressions may be related to superficiality and specific interactions that do not lead to anything deeper, What we value most is the feeling of honesty and trust that someone transmits to us in a matter of seconds and minutes, that is, the first of the two questions.
The reason, according to this Harvard professor, is that from an evolutionary perspective it is more worthwhile to focus on whether it will pay to trust someone. In this way we are more protected against possible betrayals that could put our lives at risk or, in the best of cases, make us waste time and efforts in cultivating a relationship that is not worth it.
Only when we have evaluated the degree to which someone inspires our trust will we move on to consider whether we can respect them for what they do, that is, whether we find them skilled and competent in some significant area.
How to take advantage of this in personal relationships?
The conclusions that Cuddy has drawn from her research lead us to opt for simplicity in our personal relationships and when it comes to meeting people. That is, instead of obsessing over giving an image that is very close to the canons of beauty or demonstrating our level of competence, We must first show that we are normal human beings who can be trusted and not give an artificial or supposedly mysterious image.
Demonstrating skill only has a significant impact on the image we give if we have first made other people feel safe. If not, it can be interpreted as potential, but a potential that can be used against others and, consequently, causes the rest to distance themselves from us.
Thus, we must show our most human side, instead of staying distant in order to only show those qualities that we believe are impressive. For example, this involves talking frankly about ourselves, showing our own limitations to the same degree that we talk about what we are good at, and, in general, showing that we can be trusted without causing major disappointments.
This can also be applied both in informal relationships and when finding work or looking for professional allies. What it is about is being transparent, showing the degree to which our help and collaboration can be expected, and behave accordingly. If honesty is shown, the possibility of being deceived or misunderstandings is much less, and that means that everyone wins.
What to do to give a good image?
Getting down to business, some aspects to consider when letting our behavior speak well about us is to follow these guidelines:
1. Be communicative
Maintaining a distant attitude can mean two things: either you have nothing interesting to show or you are hiding something.
2. Speak bluntly
Rambling or speaking in a very formal way in a context that does not require it is a kind of communication barrier that does not express honesty.
3. Don’t avoid talking about your own imperfections
If the conversation leads to this, do not avoid talking about your own failures, past mistakes and weaknesses. This shows that you trust the other person, which makes them adapt their attitude to match ours.
4. Give a realistic vision of what can be offered
Rather than talking directly about what can be done to help the other as if it were a series of personal skills that the other person can “rent”, It is better to demonstrate in the here and now a good disposition aimed at making the relationship work. and is comfortable to wear. In the first case, a series of theoretically advantageous characteristics are unilaterally communicated, while in the second, conversation is used to express the desire to listen to the other person and their own needs.
