The 3 Types Of Escalation Of Violence In Relationships
Intimate partner violence is still a social scourge, especially that which is carried out in heterosexual relationships, carried out by men towards women. Of course, it is not the only one, but it is the majority.
This type of violence does not arise suddenly. There is a whole process that can be more or less long, ranging from subtle and socially accepted behaviors such as micro-machismo, through psychological and physical violence and reaching the worst level, which is murder.
Next we will see what they are types of escalation of violence in the couple highlighting the steps in the process and the phases of abusive relationships.
How does the escalation of violence in the couple usually occur?
Intimate partner violence is a social scourge that is still present in our society. Traditionally, violence is usually exerted by men towards their female partners in heterosexual relationships, although this does not mean that there is no intimate partner violence in homosexual relationships nor that it is some women who exert it, physically and psychologically, towards their boyfriends and husbands. .
Whatever the case, Intimate partner violence is not a sudden phenomenon If it occurs, abuse does not occur in the form of physical attacks as soon as the relationship begins, but rather involves a whole process of progressive increase in violence. This escalation of violence in the couple is a constant increase in attacks, which are spread over time, repeating, becoming chronic, increasing in frequency and severity as the relationship continues.
Talking about a unitary classification of the types of escalation of violence in the couple is complex, since to begin with, many organizations specialized in this aspect have their own proposals when defining typologies. However, we can identify up to four steps by which aggressive behavior ascends in heterosexual relationships, where the victim is usually the woman and it is relatively common for asymmetrical attack dynamics to occur, with one party clearly dominant over the other.
The first of the steps is very subtle, often still undervalued in today’s society: micromachismos. These behaviors are considered the breeding ground for other more serious and intense forms of violence against women, being the first step that, after a while, becomes a whole repertoire of contempt and aggression towards women that is not subtle.
Micromachismos are difficult to detect without having knowledge of them, since many of them are socially accepted practices or “harmless” expressions. Some examples:
This first step does not necessarily have to turn into physical and psychological violence against women, but it contributes to it. Even the most feminist-allied men have in their repertoire the occasional pejorative expression towards women, sometimes not being aware of the harm that the use of such expressions can cause towards female people. It is for this reason that it is considered that one of the best ways to prevent ascending to the rest of the steps, which involve forms of obvious violence towards women, is raise awareness about micro-machismo
The next step is psychological violence. This enjoys greater awareness in general society, although not as much as physical violence itself. Offensive, unpleasant, belittling comments towards the partner, psychological pressure, manipulation and other forms of verbal and psychological violence begin the process of reducing self-esteem of women and, consequently, an increase in their submission and fear of men.
This psychological violence comes at a time when it becomes physical, being the next step. The attacks are more obvious, in the form of slaps, grabbing hair, throwing objects, beatings… This is, in many cases, the last step on the scale of violence in the couple, but other times the worst of the consequences is reached. steps: the violent death of the couple.
The cycle of violence: the boiled frog
On many occasions, the escalation of violence in the couple is explained with the famous fable of the frog and the boiling water by the French-Swiss writer and philosopher Olivier Clerc The story is the following:
“If we put a frog in a pot of boiling water, the amphibian immediately jumps out and manages to escape. On the other hand, if we put a pot with cold water and throw the frog in, it stays there without worrying. Immediately afterwards, if we heat the water little by little, the frog does not react, as it adapts to the temperature until, without realizing it, it is boiled to death.”
The fable defines very well how violence in a couple usually occurs. It does not usually begin with physical aggression just at the beginning of the relationship, but with a whole series of behaviors that, even from within, are seen as trivial. Subsequently, the intensity of the attacks increases, going from mere unpleasant comments to beatings and insults, as we have commented with the description of the escalation in the previous section.
This does not mean that there are no relationships where abuse begins with full-blown physical aggression. Nevertheless, If it happens so suddenly, going directly to physical aggression, there is a greater chance that the woman will report it If violence occurs suddenly, help is immediately sought or, at the very least, the relationship is broken when suddenly discovering that it was not as expected.
If the abuse occurs little by little, it is much more difficult to see the problem and ask for help because, on the one hand, the woman has normalized the situation, and on the other, her self-esteem has already been so undervalued, having gone through the steps of the micro-machismo and psychological violence, which may even lead to people believing that they deserve this mistreatment.
The main types of escalation of violence in the couple
Rather than types of escalations of violence in the couple, we are going to focus on the cycle of violence itself in this type of relationship. This was proposed by the founder of the North American Domestic Violence Institute Lenore Walker. With it, we can understand how violence occurs and also why it is maintained. The stages or escalations of the cycle of violence may vary in terms of duration and frequency depending on the case, but the vast majority of cases where there is abuse coincide with the same:
1. Tension accumulation phase
This phase of escalation is characterized by the triggering of conflicts within the relationship There are episodes of anger, arguments, accusations, contempt and hostile attitudes, especially towards women, which are repeated during this phase. Here, the woman tries to calm and please her partner and, to do so, avoids doing things that bother him.
This phase usually occurs when it has had its time and the level of micro-machismo has been overcome. Here we are talking about psychological violence occurring and the woman has already internalized the idea that, if her male partner gets angry, it is surely her fault. Her self-esteem has been reduced enough to have the belief that the conflicts are her fault.
2. Violence explosion phase
Here physical violence breaks out, the core of abuse itself, although this should not be understood to mean that insults and humiliating comments are not part of gender violence. Nevertheless, This point is the one that most obviously shows that you are in an abusive relationship Physical attacks occur and psychological violence worsens.
Shaking, threats, hitting, pushing… and other physical attacks define the relationship. We cannot ignore sexual assaults either. Forcing a woman to have sex, no matter how much of a partner she may be, is still rape, an issue that has become increasingly sensitive in recent years. This type of behavior is called marital rape.
It is in this phase where the victim may ask for help Schematizing the entire process a lot, what comes next can be one of the following three options. The ideal is that you denounce your partner, break up the relationship and free yourself from abuse; The usual one is that either they do not dare to report or they regret having done so and withdraw the report with the belief that the relationship will improve; and the worst of all is that her partner ends her life.
Related article: “What is trauma and how does it influence our lives?”
If this phase occurs, it is key to trap the woman in the violent relationship. Through emotional manipulation, the man prevents the relationship from coming to an end and gains the trust of the victim, reaching the point that, if he dares to file a complaint, he can withdraw it.
During this phase the man apologizes, promises that it will never happen again and looks for all kinds of excuses And he even uses psychological stratagems that manage to convince the woman that it was really her fault, who ends up feeling responsible for the situation. After the man’s apologies and apparent repentance, the woman is tricked into thinking that the situation will change and she continues with the relationship.
You may be interested: “Emotional blackmail: a powerful form of manipulation in a couple”
Concluding…
The phases that we have just seen are the ones that, seen from the outside, it would be easy to reach the conclusion that the behaviors that we see in them are violence in the couple. They are phases that come just after having climbed the ladder of micromachismos and that of the most subtle psychological violence such as humiliating or unpleasant comments about, for example, the woman’s physical appearance or way of cooking.
This is a cycle. The three phases explained here will be repeated over and over again until either the woman manages to leave the relationship, either on her own initiative or rescued from outside, or, unfortunately, the relationship ends with her partner ending her life. . There comes a time when it can perfectly happen that the honeymoon phase disappears, does not occur at all, and that violent episodes become the constant.
The normalization and minimization of violence, the shame of feeling that they were responsible for the situation, the possible retaliation from their partner, and the guilt prevent victims from seeing and understanding the problem in which they find themselves. In case you do see it, They fear taking the step because of the consequences they believe or know could entail The woman should not be held responsible for the abuse nor for the fact that she cannot leave the abusive relationship. The situation in which women find themselves and the difficulty involved in getting out of it are very serious and enormous.
