Have you ever thought if there is differences between men and women in emotional expression?
We must keep in mind that experience is one thing and expression is another. The experience of “basic” emotions, joy, anger, surprise, sadness, fear and disgust, is universal. There is a solid consensus on this. Besides, all human emotions are necessaryalso the most “unpleasant”: they fulfill functions.
On the other hand there is emotional expression: how they show themselves to the world. This is where education and culture come into play. Thus, through the so-called “gender socialization”, boys and girls are still more easily allowed to express some emotions, censoring others.
The most obvious example is sadness: children do not cry. But… Of course they cry, since they feel the sadness! On the other hand, girls are censored to a greater degree with emotions such as anger.
Let’s see the 4 emotional plagues in women, the ones that we are allowed to express the most but are not always allies of our well-being:
1. Guilt
Guilt is a moral emotion. Without guilt it would be difficult to have a guilty conscience and therefore ask for forgiveness to solve the damage..
The problem comes when we haven’t really made any mistakes, like when we feel guilty for taking time for ourselves or when we flagellate ourselves harshly. Or when we feel guilty about being successful, we feel like we have to apologize for it.
Guilt loved his job; He spent the day distributing justice and recognizing the mistakes made so that they would not be repeated and thus repair the damage.
But one day the blame She began to become harsher and harsher in her moral judgments, rigidly distinguishing what was “right” from what was “wrong.” and punishing arbitrarily and disproportionately.
It took into account past faults, faults not yet committed and even imaginary or foreign faults. She didn’t care what women did, that was where the blame lay.
“If our relationship doesn’t work, it’s my fault.” “If I succeed, I apologize, I feel guilty.” “If I rest I will feel guilty for being lazy.”
2. Fear
Like other animals, fear helps us survive. Activates our fight-flight-paralysis system to help us avoid danger or overcome it.
When does it become a problem? When we are not facing a real threat to our life or integrity. A typical example is the paralyzing fear of public speaking.
When it leads us to waste interesting opportunities, opportunities that are already more difficult for women to find. When it paralyzes us, etc.
A story about the fear of women
Once upon a time, fear.
Fear felt very good to know that it was necessary to survive: when there was real danger, it helped women react. He felt useful, since the real dangers were not few.
But one day, fear began to take a liking to the women’s feeling of constant alert. She began to make their knees tremble in situations that were far from being a real threat. The fear became great at the same time that it prevented us from expressing, going out, and doing great things..
“I’m afraid to say what I think.” “I’m afraid to be wrong”. “I’m afraid of being alone and being rejected.”
3. Sadness
Sadness helps us close wounds, for example after losing a loved one.
Also to get closer to people, to relieve ourselves. It is likely that if we express grief, people will approach us to give us comfort, give us support…
but the sadness It becomes a problem when what we really want to express is another emotionsuch as anger.
Also when the weeks go by, we are still sad and we don’t really understand why. Or we do understand why but it is beginning to affect other vital areas, such as the couple, family, work, etc.
A story about the sadness of women
Once upon a time, sadness.
Sadness knew that it was necessary to promote rapprochement between people, to gain intimacy and, ultimately, to unite people. The women united in pain and that was very comforting, because it relieved it.
But one day, the sadness went too far. She got hooked on herself, began to generalize and little by little changed the lenses of women’s glasses for much darker ones.. Sometimes life itself had very ugly things, like inequality, but glasses clouded the vision even more.
“I feel sad and I don’t understand why.” “Sometimes I think I’m angry, but it turns out I’m sad.”
4. Shame
Shame is a social emotion, which signals to others that We respect social norms even if we have broken them.
Unlike guilt, it does not take into account an action that we have committed but rather our person as a whole. It has to do with fear because there is a fear of being judged negatively and with anger, which we direct towards ourselves.
Shame felt wonderful for being one of those responsible for bringing about positive changes in women. She knew that it was an engine of change, of improvement.
But one day shame started doing strange things, like paralyzing women. She enjoyed turning their cheeks ruby red and making their hearts pound.
Shame had merged with fear: the fear of being judged negatively, fear of exposing needs and weaknesses. Furthermore, she had found the greatest evil of women: low self-esteem, always asking for permission, always asking for forgiveness.
“I don’t like being flattered, I’m embarrassed.” “She will make me very embarrassed when she sees me naked.” “I feel inadequate, strange.”
