The 4 Keys To Managing And Overcoming Jealousy In A Relationship
Jealousy is among the most common problems that affect dating relationships and marriages. In some cases, they make living together unpleasant and unnecessary arguments arise quite frequently, and in others, they give rise to real couple crises when everything “explodes” and it becomes clear that something is not working. Of course, the ideal is to prevent this last situation from occurring and act quickly to prevent the bond of love and coexistence from deteriorating for this reason.
In this sense, along the following lines I will explain what they are The psychological keys that must be taken into account to control and manage jealousy in relationships as general advice to apply daily, but which do not replace couples therapy.
As I have mentioned before, the best solution to problems due to jealousy in a courtship or marriage is to attend a couples therapy process. Through this type of psychological intervention, normally divided into several weekly sessions, both members of the relationship have personalized professional support adapted to their case, as well as a space in which communication flows better because the psychologist mediation. Now, beyond the very important resource that couples therapy represents, there are some general tips that usually help; They are the following.
1. Be clear that it is not a problem shared equally
When a person is very jealous and is in a relationship, that is fundamentally their problem, not their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. The other member of the relationship may show a good willingness to help his or her partner overcome her problem, but It’s not your responsibility Nor would one expect him to be involved in the same way, and any reproach that this generates from the person who is jealous is actually a form of psychological manipulation that must be avoided at all costs, as well as an extension of his jealous behavior.
In the end, assuming that the other person must “collaborate” so that one is not so jealous is demanding that they adapt to these attempts to control their behavior, something that Not only does it not serve to resolve the situation, but it perpetuates that dynamic of jealousy and gives it legitimacy
That said, the following tips that we will see below are designed for cases in which both people want to do their part, but they do so without forgetting that the jealous person is ultimately responsible for solving the problem. Furthermore, we will also assume that although problems due to jealousy have occurred, the relationship has not become one in which there is physical or psychological abuse, since in these cases the main priority is to end the relationship and prevent further occurrences. attacks.
2. Identify and list typical behaviors linked to jealousy
It is not enough to understand that there is a jealousy problem: you have to know how to go beyond the abstract and specify what type of specific behaviors that translates into. For it, It is good to write a diary together about what is happening in the relationship, taking care to do so using as objective language as possible, so that it is not a source of constant discussions. You have to write more or less brief notes in which you tell the good and the bad of what you have gone through together during the day.
At the end of each day, you must identify the specific actions that are caused by jealousy, if any, and mark them in a color that you identify with that problem. Once a week, preferably on the same day and at the same time, you should look at what you have written in the last seven days and review out loud these signs of jealousy, to become familiar with them.
3. Test fears
Jealousy often arises from the fears and insecurities with oneself that those who feel discomfort from not being able to control the other person experience. In this sense, it is important not to avoid this discomfort, since that would only serve to limit the freedom of the other member of the couple and to feed this dynamic of jealous behavior. It is important that you are both aware that you can dedicate time to your own interests and personal relationships without the need for the other person to be present and act accordingly from the beginning.
4. Congratulate and show interest in the progress of the person who has suffered jealousy
This is a way to encourage progress towards good coexistence; yes indeed, These recognitions and congratulations should not be expressed as thanks but as satisfaction for a process of personal development and emotional maturity from which those who are getting rid of jealousy benefit.
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If you are interested in having individualized psychological support or for couples, I invite you to contact me.
Am Thomas Saint Cecilia psychologist specialized in the cognitive-behavioral model, and I offer my services both in person in my office in Madrid and through video call sessions.
