It is common that, in cases of people with terminal illnesses, people talk about the extent to which we have become accustomed to taking for granted the possibility of continuing to live, as if the fact of being able to live many more decades were something that is given to us by default. and which is not even worth stopping to think about.
In retrospect, it makes sense that most people experience their own lives this way: since the only constant from birth is the fact of being alive, this becomes ignored, blurring with the rest of the things we see around us. around and that we associate with what is simply there independently of our existence: the oceans, the mountains, the stars, etc.
However, there are people who experience a feeling that goes in the opposite direction: they perceive the fact of being alive not only as something that should not be taken for granted, but as a luxury or even a privilege that does not correspond to them, a mistake. of the universe. Something unfair, with which they are not satisfied. This phenomenon is what has been called “survivor guilt.”and in this article I will briefly explain what it consists of.
Survivor guilt, sometimes also known as survivor syndrome, is an emotional disturbance that occurs in people who they feel guilty for being alive after having gone through a traumatic experience that, in turn, led other people to death.
Technically, it is not an officially recognized psychopathology in the diagnostic manuals of psychiatry or clinical psychology, but rather it is described as part of the symptomatology of post-traumatic stress (that is, one of the consequences of a specific mental disorder).
There are two main types of survivor guilt. On the one hand, there is the variant in which the person feels guilty because, from their point of view, not having done everything possible to ensure that one or more people survived in a dangerous situation.
On the other hand, there are cases in which the person feels guilty even though objectively I couldn’t have done anything to protect the lives of other people (in this second type, the feeling of guilt is more diffuse and difficult to express in logical terms, but it does not have to be less intense).
What is the cause of this alteration?
The cause of survivor’s guilt is a combination of three psychological elements.
On the one hand, the emotional imprint that a certain traumatic event leaves on the person, such as a traffic accident, a natural disaster with moral victims, an attack in the context of a war, etc. These types of situations relatively easily generate the disorder that is at the root of survivor’s guilt: post-traumatic stress disorder. The person suffers a strong emotional reaction associated with anxiety and anguish every time these memories are acted upon in his or her mind, to the point of experiencing intrusive thoughts and “flashbacks” related to those experiences from his or her past.
On the other hand, it also participates in survivor’s guilt a cognitive bias called “just world theory”: it is a tendency to assume that what happens around us happens or should happen through moral principles; That is to say, it leads us to presuppose that the world tends towards justice, towards a balance in which the good compensates for the bad that happens (as if what we consider to be good or bad were integrated into natural laws).
Third, the third psychological element that is among the causes of survivor guilt is a lack of self-esteem. By noticing how this traumatic experience draws our attention to it (leading us to evoke those memories again and again in a very intense and painful way) and at the same time detecting that this event was not fair, it is very difficult for the person to see themselves. with good eyes, since he is constantly questioning his value or “the good” he has to offer the world and others.
How does this emotional alteration affect people?
The main effects of survivor guilt are what I describe below.
1. Tendency to constantly examine your past
People who experience this disorder can only find some relief in recreate your memories and manipulate them consciously, fantasizing about what it would have been like to behave appropriately at the decisive moment. But this dynamic leads to spending much more time suffering from reliving those memories from a perspective marked by pessimism and guilt.
2. Tendency to constantly compare yourself
The person is driven to think very frequently if your life or existence is worth it compared to that of other people from your present or your past.
3. Self-destructive tendencies
Survivor guilt is one of the psychological elements linked to suicidal ideation and self-harm or “self-punishment.” Of course, self-harm is not usually aimed at committing suicide, but rather at “punishment” and momentarily silence the discomfort, generating the mirage that justice is being done.
4. Problems managing personal relationships
Because survivor guilt has to do with personal relationships from the past, it also It greatly affects the way a person relates to others in the present.. She finds it difficult to make friends and express herself honestly to her loved ones, because she feels alienated and unable to connect with others (among other things, because she believes that she doesn’t deserve it).
Do you want to have professional psychological assistance?
If you need support from a psychology professional, I invite you to contact me.
My name is Tomás Santa Cecilia and I specialize in the cognitive-behavioral intervention model: I work helping adults, adolescents and companies or other organizations with needs in the field of emotional well-being and the management of personal relationships. You can count on my services both in person in Madrid and through the online mode by video call.
