The 5 Healthy Patterns In Relationships (and How To Put Them Into Practice)
In my previous article I explained the 5 toxic patterns in relationships (and how to overcome them). In this second part I am going to present the 5 healthy patterns in relationships and how to put them into practice.
Relationships are complex and require effort on both sides to make them work. According to relationship expert Terry Real, there are five healthy patterns or winning strategies that can help couples overcome relationship challenges. These strategies focus on communication, empathy, generosity, empowerment, and appreciation.
In this article, we will explore each strategy in detail and provide examples of how they can be applied in real-life situations.
1. Switch from complaints to requests
The first healthy pattern is to shift from complaining to asking. This means that instead of focusing on what your partner is doing wrong or what you don’t like, you should focus on clearly expressing what you need and want from them. For example, instead of saying, “You always leave your dirty dishes in the sink,” you could say something like, “I would appreciate it if you could please wash your dishes when you’re done eating.”.
This approach allows for a more productive conversation where both parties can work together to find solutions that meet both of their needs. Example: A woman feels frustrated because her husband never helps at home. Instead of getting angry and accusing him of being selfish, you could say something like, “I feel overwhelmed with all the housework I have to do alone. It would mean a lot to me if we could work together to divide the chores more equitably.” . This allows her husband to understand her needs without feeling attacked or defensive.
The second healthy pattern is to speak with love and care. This means that instead of attacking your partner with “you” statements, you should focus on expressing yourself honestly while being empathetic toward their feelings. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you could say something like, “I get frustrated when I share my thoughts with you and don’t get a response.”
This approach allows for open communication where one person can understand the other’s emotions without causing harm. Example: A man realizes that his wife feels lonely because he spends many hours at work each day. Instead of getting defensive, he could say something like, “I hear you and I understand how important it is for us to connect as a couple. I will do everything I can to get us to spend more time together.” This shows his wife that he values the relationship and is willing to make changes to fulfill her desires.
3. Respond generously
The third healthy pattern is to respond with generosity. This means actively listening to your partner’s requests and responding with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to compromise. For example, if your partner says he or she needs more space or closeness in the relationship, you could say something like, “I hear you and I understand that you may feel overwhelmed right now. Let’s take some time to talk about how we can make this work for you.” both”.
This approach allows for a mutual understanding where both people feel heard and respected. Example: A woman tells her husband that she needs more emotional support from him during times of stress. Instead of ignoring her concerns or becoming defensive, she could say something like: “I’m so sorry you feel this way. I want our relationship to be a safe space for you where you can always turn to me for support and understanding.”. This shows his wife that you value his connection to her and are willing to work to support her emotionally in the ways she needs in the future.
The fourth healthy pattern is to empower each other. This means promoting your partner’s strengths, celebrating their successes, and being positive toward their self-improvement efforts. For example, if your partner has been working on losing weight or getting fitter, you might say something like, “I really admire what you’ve done! You’ve really inspired me.” This approach allows for mutual support where both people feel encouraged and motivated by each other’s achievements.
Example: A man notices that his wife has been working hard on her career goals and tells her how impressed he is with her dedication and determination. In response, she might say something like, “Thank you for believing in me; your support means a lot to me.” This shows that their relationship has a level of maturity and depth; It’s also about showing mutual respect and supporting each other’s dreams.
5. Mutual appreciation
The fifth healthy pattern is to appreciate each other. This means actively looking for ways to show appreciation, affection, and love toward your partner on a regular basis. For example, you could surprise him with a meaningful gift or send him a heartfelt message expressing how much he means to you. ANDThis approach promotes mutual care where both feel valued and appreciated in the relationship.
Example: A woman surprises her husband by planning a romantic night at home with candles, music and his favorite food. In response, he might say something like, “This is perfect; thank you for thinking of me and making such a special night.” This shows that their relationship goes beyond the day-to-day practicalities and that we don’t take things for granted; It’s also about creating meaningful moments of connection and intimacy.
In conclusion, these five healthy patterns can help couples overcome day-to-day conflicts while strengthening their bond as a couple. By shifting from complaining to asking, speaking with love and care, responding with generosity, empowering each other, and appreciating each other, couples can create a relationship based on mutual respect, understanding, and appreciation for each other’s unique qualities. Each one has.
