The 5 Keys To Assertiveness In Relationships With Friends
Assertiveness can be used and enhanced in practically any facet of our social life, adapting it to our way of communicating with each person or group, and the place where we usually interact with those people.
In this article We are going to focus on assertiveness applied to friendship relationships seeing why it is necessary and what we can do to benefit from it.
Why is assertiveness important in friendship relationships?
Friendship relationships allow us to establish networks of mutual support, affection and love that provide us with a good part of what allows us to enjoy life, both emotionally (possibility of finding comfort in difficult times, of enjoying unrepeatable moments of leisure). ) as well as materially (access to more knowledge, possible jobs, etc.).
It is not in vain that friends are spoken of as “the family that one chooses” to the point that in some cases of people who suffer complicated domestic situations they connect better with their friends than with family members.
However, The simple fact of having a group of people we call friends does not in itself make these relationships perfect, far from it. Sometimes, totally toxic dynamics based on dependency, humiliation, etc. can hide behind the façade of a friendship. And even in much less extreme cases, a bond of friendship can have its lights and shadows. As social beings we are complex and full of nuances, and the same goes for the relationships we maintain.
That is why many people develop assertiveness problems with friends. Some problems that may arise when this occurs are the following examples:
In situations like this, It may even be that the term “friendship” is used as a moral alibi to try to ensure that all types of unwanted behaviors must be tolerated.
However, we have the ability to both choose and manage the friendship relationships we want to maintain, and to “educate” our friends in the way they should treat us. And that It is achieved by starting to apply assertiveness in our dealings with them, slowly but surely That is, expressing those ideas that represent our interests and our way of thinking, and that you see as important enough to determine that they should be respected or at least truly taken into account.
The 5 keys to developing assertiveness with friends
These are tips and strategies that can help you develop a more assertive communication style when dealing with friends
Keep in mind that all of these key ideas must be adapted to each particular case, and that the context in which the interaction with a person or group of people occurs greatly influences how the communicative exchange occurs (for example, it can modify the meaning of the words depending on where you speak).
1. Don’t be defensive, just let them know what you think
Express your opinions and what interests you, but without assuming that your interlocutor is going to adopt a hostile attitude when listening to it
It is one thing to imagine that perhaps he does not like to hear what we are going to tell him, and another is to facilitate a confrontation by taking the first step towards a discussion, whether through the tone of our voice, our gestures, the way we formulate our questions. phrases… It is best to assume that, as a friend, that person will respect our decisions and points of view.
It will be much easier for you to apply assertiveness in front of your friends If when you criticize what they do you focus on those specific behaviors, instead of referring to “their way of being” or their identity. That is, if you would like something corrected, talk about the verbs, not the adjectives.
3. If you see that criticism can cause harm, accompany it with something positive
As friends that we are, the emotion of others matters to us; you have to empathize. That’s why, Accompany your harshest criticism with ideas that show that you also see the positive in that person being criticized, and/or offer possible alternatives to what you would like to see changed, giving examples of what you can do so that both your interests and those of that person are respected.
4. If your temper has flared up a lot, leave the detailed explanations for another time
If something your friend has done has made you very angry and you don’t feel capable of maintaining a constructive dialogue, It is advisable to make your emotional state clear at that moment, but not go into more details ; Express yourself in a more nuanced way right after, when you have calmed down more. But don’t let too many hours pass or you will run the risk of giving up expressing your point of view.
5. If the situation overwhelms you, go to the psychologist
With the help of a psychology professional you can better manage your emotions and learn social and communication skills fundamental.
Related article: “The 8 benefits of going to psychological therapy”
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I am a psychologist with many years of experience serving individuals and companies, and I specialize in the cognitive-behavioral intervention model. I offer face-to-face sessions (in my office in Madrid) and also online via video call.
