The 5 Main Characteristics Of A Toxic Relationship
Affective relationships are much more than a space in which we find help and even moments of calm and fun between the challenges and demands of everyday life. In fact, what characterizes them is the way in which they connect us emotionally with others: they make us act through logics that go beyond our own individuality.
Now, this has positive and negative aspects. Among the positive ones we find how stimulating or even exciting it is to connect with someone and give and receive affection or love. And among the negatives, it is worth highlighting the ease with which we fall into a loss of objectivity when it comes to recognizing power asymmetries in these relationships, or even relationships that make us lose more than they give us. That is why It is important to know how to recognize the characteristics of toxic relationships ; Let’s see what they are.
Toxic relationships are those that, Despite being perpetuated thanks to the fact that we have already become accustomed to participating in them, they negatively affect one or both of the parties involved That is, these are links that are based on dysfunctional interaction dynamics, which harm someone’s well-being but which, at the same time, continue to exist and appeal to two or more people.
Sometimes toxic relationships are toxic because one individual constantly takes advantage of or attacks another. On other occasions, there are two people who suffer through that relationship, without it being possible to see that one gets more out of the relationship than the other.
In any case, it usually happens that those who have a hard time staying in these relationships normalize the situation and are not fully aware of what is happening to them.
Sometimes, they even confront their friends when they draw attention to the fact that there are worrying red flags in the relationship they have with a certain person. That is why it is necessary Stop and think, in the most objective and analytical way possible, about whether you are exposing yourself to relationships or friendships that meet the characteristics of toxic relationships which are the following (although they do not have to occur all at once).
1. Emotional manipulation is common
Many toxic relationships show their ability to harm people through the multiple occasions in which emotional manipulation appears. This can take the form of gaslighting (making the other person believe that their abilities to understand or perceive what is happening are damaged, to blame them for what one does wrong), emotional blackmail, and/or deception related to what is happening. that one feels for the other.
The bad thing about emotional manipulation is that it is difficult to detect, since it appeals to feelings and affections; It is difficult to distance yourself from these behaviors to analyze them coldly. That’s why, It is advisable to have a global vision of the situation ; For example, it is advisable to fill out a diary in which you leave notes about what you experience and feel in the company of the other.
2. The fear of breaking that relationship predominates
Another characteristic that usually occurs in toxic relationships is that They are maintained not so much by the positive experiences they provide, but by the fact of not wanting to go through the situation of them breaking The latter would produce a disruption, a change in what we have become accustomed to, and therefore would imply leaving the comfort zone (so called not because we feel comfortable in it, but because it provides us with a “default” way of living. , which perpetuates itself without us having to think about what to do next).
3. The impression arises that the relationship is only based on promises of the future
Many people who stay in toxic relationships They rationalize their reasons for doing so by assuming that their suffering will be compensated in the future when that link bears fruit.
For example, you fantasize about scenarios in which the other person radically changes and learns to be fair, fair, and compassionate. If you notice that the only argument why you assume that it is in your best interest to continue nurturing that relationship is based on future hypotheses, that is a very bad sign: it should bring you positive aspects in the present.
4. Moments of violence may arise
Some toxic relationships are, fundamentally, contexts of physical and/or psychological abuse. In fact, In situations of this type in which it reaches the extreme, it is better not to talk about both a toxic relationship and abuse and be clear that this is a dynamic of violence that must be stopped as soon as possible by ending that relationship and seeking the necessary help. And we must not forget that situations of verbal attacks (such as insults and deliberate humiliation) also constitute a form of abuse.
It is not that these relationships “steal time”, but that the person who tries to impose themselves on the other (if they exist, since we have seen that not in all toxic relationships there is someone who clearly rules the roost) tries to make the other you lose contact with your friends, your family, etc. This is associated with the purpose of making the other person more dependent
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