The feeling of being in love is a wonderful experience that is worth discovering and living. It goes far beyond butterflies in the stomach and nervous laughter, loving fills a person with vitality and strength. However, in the last century, love is one of the terms that has been most idealized and consequently, we do not stop searching for it, missing it, imagining it… Now, do we really know what love is? Or perhaps have we simply become stuck in an ideal that we have been taught or observed?
It is very easy to fall into the idealization of your partner and the love relationship, since maintaining the perfect balance between the explosive cocktail of emotions and each person’s expectations is extremely complicated, especially in the early stages of falling in love. When we are getting to know someone, everything may go well or, on the contrary, one of the things that can happen is that love has arisen from the idea we have of that person and not from who that person really is.
With this, we do not mean that you should repress what you feel, or that you set limits to contain yourself, rather, it is about understanding that idealizing the other person causes you to lose perspective or objectivity and this is when problems can appear within the romantic couple. For example, one of the typical things that happens is that if we idealize love, when we go through bad times, disappointment is the first feeling that appears and makes us feel truly unfortunate.
Taking all of the above into account, we will talk about the signs that exist to knowing if we have fallen in love with the person, or instead, with the idealization that our head has made of it.
How many times have we seen movies, series, read books or even heard phrases around us like “he is the love of my life”, “he is my better half”, etc. It seems that somewhere in the world there is that perfect person who fits with us as if it were a puzzle piece. When we are guided by phrases like this, we feel that our only task is to find Prince Charming so that he can complete us. This great expectation is a way of idealizing love and therefore, you may be constantly searching and be disappointed when you realize that there is no one perfect for you.
We advise you to put this thought aside since you may be missing out on many opportunities with people who may not completely meet the expectations you have set for yourself, but who could be real love.
2. You think that this relationship will never make you have a bad time
Of course, a healthy relationship contributes to a person’s emotional well-being and is an important source of support. However, we are all human beings and we fail to love. I wish we had the innate ability to love in such a perfect way that we only offer complete happiness. You have to be clear that who loves you can hurt you even without meaning to By idealizing a perfect relationship where there are no bad moments, you are not allowing yourself to delve into what love really is.
Now, the important thing is knowing if when what the other person does or says hurts us, they did it on purpose or not
3. You think “it was written”
People who idealize love often share the idea of believing in destiny. You may think that everything was written and that it is not necessary to fight for a relationship since whoever has to arrive, will arrive We are sorry to tell you that this has nothing to do with reality since love requires daily effort, work and dedication for it to become stable and lasting.
4. You assume that love is synonymous with happiness
Maybe you think that to be completely happy you must have a partner by your side You may cling to the idea that loving and being loved is equivalent to feeling complete and unmatched happiness. In part, you are right since as we mentioned at the beginning, the feeling of falling in love is beautiful and of course it fills you with happiness. However, you cannot ignore the bumps and difficulties that every love relationship has. Not only this, but mistakenly thinking that love means being constantly happy ensures that you will be disappointed, a lot. In the field of love, feeling dissatisfied, disappointed and often sad is completely normal and even healthy.
This is clearly another of the phrases that are heard so much around us. It seems that we are all looking for that precious, lifelong love. Furthermore, we put pressure on ourselves thinking that if love is true, it will last forever. Of course, this may be the case and work, and on the contrary, love may last a while and end. This does not mean that you have failed in love.
In fact, the person you have loved may be so special that they always occupy a piece of your mind and heart, however, this is not enough to maintain a loving relationship for years. You completely lose this thought when you idealize love. The most important thing is to know that For the relationship to last, we must actively get involved in it
How to love without idealizing?
It is portrayed that when we idealize someone, we can suffer significantly not only ourselves, but also the other part of the couple. Therefore, we can modify certain issues to learn to love without idealizing, because yes, it is possible. Below, we list a series of tips for this:
1. Flexibility
Not everything is black and white, make your mind more flexible to gray scales. You must be clear that no one is perfect and that your better half does not exist. Therefore, a mistake or something that does not fit perfectly with the other person does not mean that they are not made for you. Opening your mind aims to observe and therefore accept the other as they really are, without the idealization that your head has formed of them. Realizing your partner’s flaws doesn’t mean you love him or her any less, it just can help you avoid disappointment later in the relationship.
How we see ourselves says a lot about our perspective on the world and others. It is important that you begin to know yourself and observe the qualities and defects in yourself and above all, be aware that although you are not perfect, you are just as valuable and important as the rest. Many times when idealizing someone, we put them on a pedestal and according to experts, this is related to low self-esteem. Don’t put yourself in a position of inferiority over your partner, love yourself, accept yourself and of course, once again, keep in mind that no human being is perfect.
3. Look at your speech about love
If you are identifying with the article, it is very likely that you should review your beliefs about love and, of course, rebuild them. Take real and healthy references to help you in this process. Maybe they are your parents, grandparents, or even friends. The most important thing is that you are clear about what a relationship really means: two people who know each other deeply and still decide to accept each other, help each other with the goal of improving and growing daily. Love cannot do everything, there is no single right person for you, nor is it your job to tolerate any behavior because “you love him.”
Get in touch with other perspectives
You need to open your eyes, ears and mind to listen to the opinions of the people around you about your relationship They may be able to provide information that you are not able to see from within. It is important not to miss a past that is gone and will not return and it is also crucial not to cling to the potential that we believe the other has and will bring out in the future. Our job is to observe what the person and the relationship bring to us right now, in the present. The past is of no use and of course, the future is of no use.
