The 6 Assertive Techniques To Avoid Unnecessary Conflicts
Assertive communication techniques are not only a very good way to avoid being burdened with the inability to express our needs and feelings; In addition, they also serve to prevent the appearance of unnecessary conflicts.
This is an aspect of assertiveness that often goes unnoticed, because it is assumed that assertive people, by being assertive, are doing only themselves a favor, and not others. However, going beyond this simplified image of what proper communication is is important, both to properly manage emotions and to manage companies, families, and organizations in general well. Therefore, here I will explain some of the most useful assertive techniques to avoid unnecessary conflicts
Assertiveness is one of the main social skills, and consists of having the ability to express and defend one’s interests, values and opinions without giving in to the fear of making the interlocutor uncomfortable, and at the same time, respecting them and trying not to cause them unnecessary discomfort. That is, an assertive person is one capable of achieving a balance between respect for oneself and others
In this sense, assertive communication is closely related to being able to establish limits with others, express disagreements before they explode in the form of serious conflicts, and transmit bad news without letting time pass without daring. to take that step.
How is assertiveness related to unnecessary conflict?
At first, if we look at a superficial definition of what assertiveness is, it might seem that assertive people are characterized by not holding their tongue in any situation, having a strong attitude, or even trying to make their criteria prevail over others. of others. Definitely, behavioral dynamics capable of easily generating discomfort, since they reflect a certain tendency to egocentrism, and consequently, to lose sight of the expectations and points of view of others, beyond trying not to use insults or very direct or gratuitous attacks. However, this does not reflect reality.
If assertiveness stands out for something, it is for its ability to prevent the emergence of unnecessary conflicts. It is not only about worrying about not insulting or showing aggression towards the interlocutor; Putting yourself in the other’s shoes and anticipating possible misinterpretations of what we say, or the emotional burden of the implications of what we communicate, must also be present. Thanks to all this, assertiveness cuts “in the bud” situations of uncertainty in which our intentions or the motivations that lead us to talk about a topic in the way we do are not clear.
Assertive techniques to prevent conflicts
The first thing to clarify is that conflicts are not always a bad thing; Sometimes, there is no choice but to confront them, such as when someone wants to undermine our rights. The point is not to generate unnecessary conflicts, arising from misunderstandings or poor time management. With this in mind, let’s look at some assertive techniques to avoid conflicts that do not have to occur.
If you criticize the essence of people, speaking disparagingly of their “way of being”, their identity or even their “nature”, the conflict is served, and it is normal for an argument to arise. But, in addition, this is an unproductive communication style. Instead of that, criticizes specific actions, pointing out why they are problematic
2. While you criticize, indicate ways to improve
If you didn’t like something, don’t just point that out; presents examples of how it could have been done better, to address the problem from a constructive point of view and that provides some value to the interlocutor, while at the same time complicity and desire to do our part is shown to reach a solution.
3. Anticipate possible misinterpretations
If you believe that your responsibility is only to unilaterally communicate what you want or what you expect from a situation, you will be increasing the likelihood of misunderstandings. Instead, anticipate how what you say will be interpreted given what your interlocutor knows and doesn’t know.
4. Describe your uncertainties
It is not enough to express what you know about your mental state (opinions, beliefs…). You should also make known what you don’t know and think you should know. This way, you will all be on the same page.
5. Combine expression with interest in knowing how the other person feels
On the other hand, assertiveness also involves recognizing that communication is a dynamic and non-sequential phenomenon; Listening is as important as transmitting information. Therefore, always maintain an open attitude and be willing to learn about your interlocutor, to adapt your communication style to what he does and says and avoid causing avoidable discomfort.
6. Don’t assume the other person is going to get defensive
In this regard, expectations are key: if you expect a person to react with hostility to you, your way of communicating and expressing information through non-verbal language will make that person understand that they should be defensive because it is what is expected of her. Do not underestimate the empathic capacity and give the desire to collaborate a chance.
Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?
If you want to train your assertiveness and develop your social skills, I invite you to contact me.
My name is Tomás Santa Cecilia and I am a psychologist specialized in cognitive-behavioral psychology. I can help you in person or through online therapy sessions.
