Being mothers, being fathers; that 180 degree turn in your life, loaded with overflowing emotions from the minute that pregnancy is confirmed. Perhaps desired alone, or in the company of your partner.
And the journey begins. A journey full of illusions deposited in a baby that grows little by little inside you, inside her, slowly, over low heat and with a lot of love, as if it were the best stew.
And there and that is how a new life begins. His and yours as a mother and/or as a father. The turning begins and sometimes the vertigo, the uncertainty, the doubts also begin… and in the face of them we can take two paths. The path of knowledge and forming a tribe, or the path of waiting sheltered in those emotions that make it difficult for us to enjoy the process
Knowing what happens to us on a physical and emotional level during pregnancy or what happens to our partner is the first step to being able to face the different situations we face, but It is also essential to know what happens to us or can happen during childbirth and the postpartum period think and decide how we want it to be and prepare for it and for the different events that may happen.
Every day it is more normalized for mothers and fathers to have that knowledge about pregnancy, to know and live its different stages with some peace of mind, but… What happens when the turn is finally complete and we have our baby in our arms?
If you asked me for a definition of parenting, in a few words and without technicalities, I would say that parenting is calm, respect, listening, care, support and, above all, observation.
1. Calm
It’s calm, to enjoy the moments shared with them, without rushing, with enjoyment, without stress and without an adult mind Calm to listen to them, in their different ways of communicating.
2. Respect
Respect yourself as a mother or father who makes mistakes and rectifies, gives permission I respect your son or daughter, as a person as valid as you from the first second they breathe outside of their mother’s protected environment. Respect for her rhythm, without rushing, without getting ahead of ourselves, giving safe times, spaces and environments for her development. Respect for their emotionality and its expression, also understanding that their ways are those they know and know how to express.
3. Listen
Listen actively, focused and calmly. Providing spaces for it. Discovering everything they have to tell us and answering everything they have to ask us, and if we don’t know the answer, letting them know that we will find out and/or looking for it together. It is listening to ourselves.
To you mom, listen to yourself, give value to what your insides tell you, be generous with yourself, give yourself permission. Listen to yourself and do accordingly. To you dad, listen to yourself, in the same way, being generous with yourself and giving yourself permission. Listen to each other, your fathers, mothers.
Active, respected listening that seeks consensus, listens to It involves decision-making at times and many other times sharing emotions that overflow They overflow with joy or overwhelm, tiredness or frustration, fear, or uncertainty. Listen that it involves time, patience and dedication.
Listening can have its B side. We must also know who to listen to. Not everyone has a voice to intervene in this parenting dynamic.
4. Care
Take care of yourself, take care of yourself and of course, take care of the being that accompanies your days and your nights Take care of yourself, because if you don’t take care of yourself, it will be much more difficult to take care of yourself.
Because it is necessary to cover our own needs in order to be attentive to the needs of our baby or child. Take care of the other, our partner if that is the case; take care of the times together, take care of the details, take care of the moments together. Take care of our daughter/son, covering their basic needs, attending to their emotions to do so and our own Caring with love, respect and caresses. Physical caresses, but above all emotional.
5. Support
The key word. How important is support! Internal support, from our own family nucleus, Mutual support. The kind that is given almost without wanting to, without having to ask
Support when the need is urgent, when you can’t take it anymore. Being able to ask for it, to withdraw, disconnect and take care of yourself. External SUPPORT, from extended family, friends, entities. Support that allows quality spaces alone or as a couple, support that allows you to share moments with them without judgment, criticism or maternity or paternity exams, from affection, from sharing and enjoying the moments. Respected support.
Building a support network can be a fundamental anchor in parenting It can be our place, where we go when something falters; From there our tribe can emerge to accompany us in this upbringing.
6. Observation
Observe yourself to know how you are, what you need, how you feel, how are you living this turn in your life. Know what you want from your role in parenting. Know if you are on that path that you designed or designed, before everything began, know why yes, why not. To be able to gain momentum and move forward, analyzing and evaluating. Observation is key.
Observe your child. Magic. Observing our child can provide us with so much information about him/her and about ourselves as parents, that perhaps, within our upbringing, it will be the key word and action. What can we achieve with observation?
