Toxic relationships can be toxic in many ways; In fact, the behaviors that can ruin a friendship or a romantic relationship are practically endless in their variety.
However, in practice, it is possible to group and classify the causes of toxic relationships In this article we will see which are the most important and how they deteriorate the emotional ties between individuals.
The most frequent causes behind toxic relationships
These are the main triggers of toxic relationships in the family, friends, partner… As we will see, these are not totally independent psychological elements with clear separations between them, but in many cases they overlap.
1. Accumulation of reproaches and discussions
The fact of having gone through several situations of arguments and misunderstandings that have led to adopting a defensive attitude is in itself one of the causes of toxic relationships.
That is, the “toxicity” in a relationship perpetuates itself, by generating a snowball effect for which none of the two people (or more) involved in these fights want to expose their vulnerabilities and tend to interpret what the other does as an indication that they are going to return to the fray with new accusations, reproaches, etc.
Of course, this has a solution, but it is difficult to break this dynamic if something is not done to break this inertia.
Psychopathy can be summarized as the tendency to not give importance to interests and desires, and not to empathize. It is one of the aspects of personality, so It is reflected in all areas of the individual’s life, and remains more or less stable over time although in certain circumstances it can increase (for example, in a war context) or weaken (for example, going to therapy).
Here it is necessary to remember that psychopathy is not a psychological phenomenon that is present only in a very small percentage of the population, in people incapable of empathizing with others and who tend to see others as mere tools to achieve their own ends.
Although in most cases we talk mainly about “psychopaths” and individuals with antisocial tendencies so marked that their stories are shocking (serial killers, scammers, etc.), Psychopathy is actually a spectrum of behaviors, a matter of degrees Thus, it can be said that even the kindest people have certain psychopathic character traits, although they are very subtle and practically do not generate problems in their way of relating to the rest of society.
In short, the more marked an individual’s tendency towards psychopathy, the more likely they will be to transform their personal relationships into toxic ones.
3. Jealousy
This is one of the causes of toxic relationships that most influence the dynamics of life as a couple, both in courtships and marriages.
Jealousy is associated with a need for control over the other person which, if it cannot be satisfied, generates frustration and even causes some individuals to try to emotionally manipulate their partner so that they feel guilty for exercising their freedom.
In the most extreme cases, jealousy goes hand in hand with psychopathic personality traits, as the other person is seen as a tool that must bend to one’s desires at all times.
4. Envy
Envy can have serious implications both in friendship and in romantic relationships. The fact of seeing things going well for others as an attack on one’s own dignity not only generates discomfort and frustration; In addition, it can unconsciously cause those who feel envy to try to undervalue what the other person does or even encourage her to throw in the towel through mockery, reproaches, etc.
5. Fear of officially breaking up
The fear of breaking up is present in many relationships, but also in certain friendships. The idea of giving up dealing with people who have meant a lot to us is painful, and therefore, it is a step that many prefer to avoid, given that It would generate more immediate discomfort than the option of continuing to give opportunities at that specific moment
Social pressure can also play an important role in this cause of toxic relationships. For example, this can lead some people to not dare to break up with their partner because it would make their parents sad, or because everyone believes that their relationship is happy and the person believes that ending it would make them believe that they have been faking it. all this time, etc.
6. Attempts to conform to gender expectations and roles
This cause of toxic relationships is related to the previous one, and has to do with the roles imposed by society.
Sometimes these invite people to feel bad if they don’t fit certain stereotypes in their relationships For example: the man cannot need more emotional support than the woman, the woman must adopt a conformist attitude regarding her work expectations and prioritize the family…
You may be interested: “5 examples of gender roles (and their effects on society)”
7. Need to be alone
Certain life problems can only be faced alone, or at least, they require that the person have moments alone to organize their ideas and manage their emotions.
The inability to have these moments can cause your relationships to deteriorate since these individuals feel overwhelmed and become irritable.
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