We have talked about toxic relationships before, but there is one fact that needs to be paid attention to: this is a concept that encompasses many types of very different situations.
That is There are several types of toxic relationships with different characteristics and that encompass different forms of relationships in which one or both members of the couple experience discomfort.
Why do some people insist on making life difficult for others?
There are certain emotional relationships that, although they begin generating many pleasant experiences, over time they go awry and end up being harmful for one of the people involved or even for both. However, in many cases they do not come to an end when they occur, but rather they perpetuate themselves, reproducing over and over again the same dynamic of attacks, omissions, insensitivity towards the other person, etc.
The way in which these toxic relationships take shape in a friendship, relationship, dating or marriage connection can vary, although there are a series of common characteristics that are maintained. Some of them amount to direct abuse (and in these cases it is better to speak openly about abuse, not about toxic relationships), and in other cases the source of the discomfort is in rather involuntary or semi-involuntary behaviors that are not so serious.
In any case, one of the characteristics of all types of toxic relationships is that there is an emotional element that makes breaking up with them painful or, at the very least, very uncomfortable. Therefore, many of them remain afloat for months or even years.
They are relationships that tend to get worse over time due to the attitude of a specific person. The problem with this type of relationship is that, In the end, there is always someone who ends up paying the price and suffering
That is why It is good to keep in mind even a diagram of the main toxic relationships and the way in which they can be identified.
1. The relationship in which decision-making power is transferred
In some couples, one of the two people has the capacity to make important decisions and becomes, in some way, the boss of the relationship. Of course, this hierarchy of the couple has no real justification, since unlike what happens in teams focused on a specific objective (selling or producing a type of product), the couple is not focused on carrying out certain tasks. efficiently: its existence is justified by the emotional ties of its members.
Therefore, the reasons behind this seizure of power cannot be justified considering how useful this is to achieve certain goals and, furthermore, undermines the autonomy of one of the members of the couple, who sees their decision-making power drastically reduced
This may not be perceived as a problem at first, as it may be seen as a type of relationship in which the other person is the one taking risks and making things more difficult. However, Entering these dynamics will make one of the parties accustomed to commanding and the other to obeying without questioning
2. The relationship based on blackmail
Sometimes, the affections and love that were once the basis and justification of the relationship are replaced by a form of blackmail that prolongs the life of the relationship in a harmful and artificial way.
The case of emotional blackmail is clear: a person feels sorry for his or her partner and grants him or her privileged and favorable treatment, which in turn helps the other person learn to “be a victim” to collect their benefits. In this relationship, the main victim is the one who constantly gives in, since in practice she is being controlled and manipulated by her partner.
This may make it appear that it leaves the other person full capacity to make decisions about their own life, but indirectly it does things to make the other person feel bad when, for example, they go out partying with friends of the opposite sex and without their partner. “supervision”. In other words, The tool that the manipulating party uses to benefit is its ability to induce a feeling of guilt in the other party
3. The idealized other
This type of toxic relationship appears when it begins to become evident that one or both members of the couple have not fallen in love with the person with whom they share affection, but with an idealized version of them. Although this fact may have already been intuited during the first months of the relationship, it is possible that little importance is given to it and that, in any case, this cognitive dissonance has been solved by overvaluing the other’s ability to change in the future and conform to our expectations.
When it becomes clear that the other person will not change as we want, resentment appears However, the worst scenario that can occur from this type of toxic relationship is when the pressure that one of the two people exerts on the other to try to change becomes a form of abuse.
4. The idealized relationship
Just as you can idealize a person, the same can happen with relationships. If the degree of idealization is intense enough, this will transform it into a type of toxic relationship
The fundamental problem in this type of relationship is that the members of the couple start with very different expectations about what their relationship will be like. It is basically a communication problem during the early stages of the relationship
For example, if there is a lot of distance between their homes, one of them can assume that after a few months of saving the other person will move in with them, or it can be assumed that at some point they will both move in. to a city in which neither of them has lived, while the other prefers not to make this sacrifice because she is happy with seeing her partner only on weekends.
This is one of the types of toxic relationships whose effects are noticeable in the long term, when several sacrifices have been made for the couple that at a certain point can be seen as vain or useless, which can produce a lot of resentment and frustration
5. The instrumental relationship based on lies
This is a type of toxic relationship in which the partner is seen as a means to fill a void or existential crisis, to obtain the approval of others or to have access to certain resources, and in which the other person is deceived. about the nature of the emotional ties that have been created between both parties.
It may also be the case that the person is not completely aware of the real motivations that lead them to continue with the relationship
6. Relationships based on fear
Of course, relationships in which there is clear abuse based on aggression (physical or verbal) and the fear that the partner will retaliate if they find out certain things is not only a toxic relationship, but a serious threat that must be resolved. be managed through the judicial system.
7. The relationship based on social pressure
We must not forget that part of what keeps many toxic relationships functioning lies in the social context in which that harmful bond occurs. Above all, this is seen in families who pressure their son or daughter to maximize their chances of maintaining a relationship due to the age group they are in, in order to “not miss opportunities.” This It has problematic implications because the person feels that breaking up with a relationship means having to justify themselves to many people so they are in a vulnerable situation and internalize a role of submission to the other person if they do not face the same type of problems.
