The jealousy They represent one of the most notable problems in relationships with almost all types of psychological profiles. Is about a phenomenon that emerges from inaccurate beliefs about reality and that not only negatively affects the person who experiences this jealousy firsthand, but also the person towards whom the obsessive thoughts are directed, and that over time it can become entrenched, forming an obstacle that is difficult to overcome.
However, jealousy They do not always have to be due to the same triggers , and they can appear in a wide variety of situations, even in cases where there is no relationship or even an intimate relationship. The existence of this great variability of “sources” of jealousy does not mean that, in general and roughlybasic patterns cannot be found in the appearance of jealousy.
Below you can learn more about the main reasons why jealousy occurs in a relationship so that, from there, you can better understand how to deal with it.
The 7 main causes why jealousy arises in relationships
1. Confusing “we” with “I”
An important part of jealousy is usually due to poor management of uncertainty about what the couple does and thinks In the most extreme cases of jealousy, the simple fact of not knowing as much about your partner as you know about yourself is something that irritates and produces anguish, but there are also many cases of moderate jealousy that feed on this same fear of the ambiguity. The belief that in a couple there must be a kind of telepathic communication through which two minds merge into one can only lead to frustration and desperate attempts to eliminate the other person’s individuality.
There is a hypothesis that traditional romantic love promotes the appearance of this type of beliefs, although it has not been proven that other models of love (such as polyamory) reduce the propensity for this source of jealousy to appear.
2. Insecurities and self-esteem problems
Insecurity is usually one of the main reasons why the phenomenon of jealousy occurs in all types of relationships. insecure people They tend to believe that in certain aspects of their daily lives they are at a disadvantage compared to other people and that drives them to constantly be looking for strategies to try to compensate for this supposed disadvantaged situation.
Regarding the relationship with the partner and jealousy, someone who is insecure may come to think that they are not valuable or attractive enough to “keep” the other person for a long time without making great sacrifices and without subjecting them to a certain amount of surveillance. . Of course, this is a serious problem that must be addressed by addressing this person’s self-image and self-esteem.
3. A certain tendency towards paranoid personality
It is possible to show certain characteristics related to the paranoid personality without strictly having a Paranoid personality disorder much less have paranoid schizophrenia. This means that there are a large number of people with a certain propensity for paranoid thoughts and who therefore show certain difficulties when it comes to trusting others.
As a result, they may give malicious intentions to their friends, partners, and family, and become defensive as a result. In this case, Jealousy would be a symptom of a somewhat broader problem that affects other areas of the person’s social life
Jealousy too They can be part of a pessimistic view of relationships That is to say, it is possible that someone who is jealous is focusing their attention only on those cases in which they remember that jealousy has ended up seeming to be accurate intuitions about reality, either because they have anticipated situations of infidelity or because they have been a sign that the relationship was coming to an end.
This may be because these cases are more notable for its uniqueness than ordinary cases in which jealousy is totally removed from what happens objectively
5. The partner’s reaction to our own jealousy
Jealousy is usually expressed through couple crises or small conflicts. Furthermore, jealousy is usually more expressed than communicated, or in other words, the person involved only comes across it through the interpretation of our own actions, not because we talk about this jealousy in a sincere and open way.
This causes the other person to change their attitude towards us, usually appearing more defensive and claiming their individuality, purposely doing things that “annoy us” even without realizing it.
Beyond moral considerations about whether these types of reactions are correct or not, the joint effect of this change in attitude added to our attack of jealousy generates a loop of expectations and conflicting interests that usually aggravates the problem.
6. The sexual asymmetries that occur in the relationship
Detect that we have sexual preferences that do not fully fit with what happens in intimate relationships with the other person It can lead us to assume that we cannot satisfy her sexually, so fears are likely to arise that predispose us to jealousy In cases like this, it is necessary to attend sexual and couples therapy.
Gender roles have generated a culture in which, for centuries, a model of romantic love has been extolled in which the other is treated as a possession. Therefore, even those who do not feel love that way may believe that this type of behavior is expected of them: expression of jealousy, controlling attitude, etc.
Concluding
These are some of the reasons that are useful to explain the appearance of jealousy, but it never hurts to remember that each case is unique. They can be taken as guidelines for self-reflection and check to what extent the jealousy you feel follows the logic described here, but they are not rigid descriptions of reality.
