In relationships, there is always a certain degree of commitment and, of course, seeking the company of the person you love. However, some people have an excessive emotional dependence on their partners.
This type of dependence, in addition to having harmful consequences for those who suffer from it and also for those around them, also usually presents causes that in themselves constitute a problem.
Possible causes of emotional dependence: underlying problems
Emotional dependence is expressed in various waysbut in general there are a series of common characteristics: loss of social life beyond the relationship with the person on whom one is emotionally dependent, constant fear of upsetting that person or of cutting off the relationship, and prioritization of all the tasks and responsibilities that have to do with preserving that bond.
1. Low self-esteem
One of the most common causes of emotional dependence is the low self-esteem that the dependent person has; It is reflected in a poor evaluation of herself and a constant feeling of inferiority with respect to her partner.
This low level of self-esteem causes the person to judge themselves very harshly and that they even blame themselves for the contempt or mistreatment received from their partner (if these occur).
Low self-confidence also feeds the fear of losing that person, given that those who suffer from this problem are not able to create other such significant links with third parties.
2. History of abuse or mistreatment
Many of the cases of emotional dependence that a person may present have their origin in a history of abuse, mistreatment or dysfunctional family relationships in childhood that generate situations of dependence and subordination towards other people in adulthood.
A childhood marked by physical or psychological abuse, a paternal addiction, a lack of love and affection during the first years of life or an insecure and negative attachment style with parents can generate in the person a series of emotional deficiencies, fears and healthy relationship deficits that end up leading to a case of emotional dependence.
Likewise, having gone through traumatic situations in adulthood, such as cases of abuse or toxic relationships, can also lead to the appearance of this type of dependency.
3. Social skills deficits
Some people may lack certain skills necessary to build strong personal and emotional relationships, and this, in turn, is a factor that predisposes to establishing dysfunctional emotional ties.
Thus, people who are emotionally dependent may feel that they need to put all their efforts into a relationship to preserve it, as compensation for their difficulties when communicating or when trying to offer a pleasant or charismatic image.
4. Negative patterns of education and socialization
Another cause that can generate emotional dependence and that originates in childhood consists of receiving inadequate education about love and romantic relationships.
A conservative educational model based on the teaching of idealized romantic love can generate negative socialization patterns and a misconception of romantic relationships in the future.
Romantic love is based on a very hermetic conception of gender roles, and the fear of not fitting into them is a vulnerability factor that gives strength to that constant fear of losing the one you love.
5. Fear of being alone
Many people who present symptoms of emotional dependence usually also have a true panic of loneliness, of having your partner abandon you and of being alone.
This aspect is also explained by low levels of self-esteem, little self-confidence and may also be due to an education based on the imposed idea of romantic love that should last forever (and that if that opportunity is lost there is nothing. more that can be done in love).
6. Idealization of the couple
The idealization of the partner is another of the classic psychological elements presented by people with emotional dependence on their romantic partners.
In a healthy loving relationship, both partners recognize the other person’s flaws and accept them, understanding that we are all human and therefore imperfect.
People with emotional dependence idealize their partners so much that they even They can tolerate situations of abusehumiliation or contempt on their part, and because of idealization, they will assume that oneself is to blame for what happened.
It is also common for some emotionally dependent people to look for authoritarian, dominant and even possessive romantic partners; In short, psychological profiles that favor their own dynamics of dependence and subordination.
7. Other associated disorders
This phenomenon may be caused by other psychological disorders such as personality disorders, or certain anxiety disorders.
In the face of emotional dependence, it is necessary to go to psychotherapy as soon as possible. Mental health professionals work by evaluating the problem and offering tailored solutions to intervene at the root of this pattern of behavior and emotional management.
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If in your daily life you experience emotional problems or problems associated with your personal relationships and are looking for professional help, contact us.
In Cepsim Psychological Center We have a complete team of psychotherapists who are experts in intervention on disorders such as anxiety disorders, relationship crises, trauma, emotional dependence, depression, and others. You will find us in our different offices throughout Madrid, and we can also assist you online.
