Guilt, a secondary and misunderstood emotion that we flee from because it is very unpleasant to feel usually arises when our thoughts and/or values conflict with our behaviors.
It can appear when I do something that I do not consider correct. When I feel like I’ve made a mistake, but how do I manage it? What can I do to get it out? In this article we briefly describe guilt and how to use it to our advantage, as there are every reason to welcome and thank it when it appears.
Guilt can come both from within (when I transgress my principles) and from without (when others try to make me feel guilty for something I have done or not done). This difference is important, since it will partly determine your approach. When it settles in us, it is a bad drink. Well, let’s make sure it’s not in vain.
Imagine that you respond in a destructive and hurtful way to someone important to you and that you really care about. Then guilt invades you. This guilt for one’s own behavior comes from within. Although it is very uncomfortable to feel, the reality is that it is that indicator that you are a sensitive person who cares about others. It warns you that there is something that doesn’t suit you. Possibly you are not happy with having hurt someone you care about. Thanks to her you can realize, reconcile with her, feel grateful for the message she brings you.
At the end of the day, it is what invites you to stop to review what may be causing you discomfort. In this case it is activated so that you can repair damage. Once you identify it and repair it, it will dissipate, giving way to a feeling of calm and satisfaction for having been able to redirect yourself. Observing yourself and taking action, from the heart and in coherence with what you feel is right for you, is your resolution.
We are human beings and we all make mistakes, Guilt is not something that we have to deny or that we have to maintain in the form of an internal war, is a necessary emotion and for which we should feel grateful. It shows you what matters to you, those limits that harm you when you cross them. Imagine for a moment not having it, it would be a problem. She is your ally. When she appears, we listen to her and we take responsibility for giving her a way out. We do not have to cling to it or deny it, it begins and ends once we have committed to attending to it.
Let’s look at another example: a mother who feels tremendously guilty for not being with the baby at a social event that she cannot enjoy.
That guilt comes from outside, it derives from rigid ideas and beliefs of what, at a social level, this mother understands that she is or is not a good mother. She may come from a close environment, even if she has made derogatory comments about her way of acting, even though the woman is not harming anyone or violating any ethical or moral principle by attending a specific social event.
We have to learn to discern the useful and healthy guilt that reveals valuable details about ourselves that guilt that arises from strict self-imposed beliefs or those derived from social conventions in which there is no possible response option that respects one’s own well-being and emotional stability.
In the example of the mother, not seeing some friends for coffee would undermine her socialization and the maintenance of a healthy support network as well as the granting of a few hours of disconnection and rest that would affect her quality of life and her life satisfaction. . On the other hand, seeing them and not being with the baby for a few hours damages the perception of her adequacy to the role of mother that she imposes on herself. This woman finds herself with no escape. The emotion of guilt, to be managed, must be analyzed.
Interesting information will undoubtedly come out of it, such as whether it is adequate or excessive, whether it is based on impulsive traits that we have not worked on or whether we have not taken care to safely build our own system of values that determine those wars that I I deserve to fight. Sometimes what is hidden behind it is sadness for not having my own personal principles that guide my way of acting safely, leaving myself at the mercy of other people’s opinions and standards that prevent me from developing my own role in the world.
To do?
Guilt helps us reflect so we can identify our mistakes. Now ask yourself, to what extent can we consider something as an error if I learn from it that makes me act and be better? And that is the role of guilt, that you learn to develop your best version.
If we learn to channel it, it will help us grow as people either by correcting those acts that are not consistent with what we want from ourselves or by developing a system of values and norms in which we are not our own executioners. Well-established principles of our own and not those dictated by popular or traditional belief about something.
These values as a guide will allow you to move through the world with security and strength, when you know what you are doing and you are clear about the reason for your actions, your story, guilt or insecurities no longer have a place. Knowing who you are, what facet of yourself moves and inspires you makes it easier for you to act accordingly.
Taking note of its role as an emotion, seeing it in a positive way and understanding that its presence reveals something to me on which I must take action is the first step. Observe its triggers. Does any factor of the circumstances that triggered it depend on you?
His management is a learning process and not a life sentence. Through it you discover your weaknesses and strengths, while defining what adds value to your life.
In addition, distinguish useful guilt from that which is not becomes fundamental, since if we assume guilt that is not ours, we will end up living sacrificing ourselves for others and without self-pity.
It is necessary to learn to pause the mind to deal with guilt without entering a spiral of negativity that leads me to be so hard on myself that I am unable to define how I want to live.
Identify guilt when it appears, recognize it, and welcome it as the messenger it is. He brings you a message.
Conclusion
The antidote to guilt is precisely everything that it reveals about you and that you are not listening to.
Realize, it’s important, it reveals something susceptible to change. Only those who are aware can change. This is its function, it does not appear so that you can wallow in it and remain anchored in that suffering forever.
Congratulate yourself for accepting it and knowing that its function is not to punish you, but to focus on the here and now to take responsibility for the change that it indicates as a step to progress.
Life is one, time does not return, it is not necessary to remain in complaint, anguish or sorrow. Observe yourself, feel yourself and progress. Take action. Consider the real cost of something like life and the time that something that weighs so much is taking away from you.
