The Art Of Flirting From Trust And Good Self-esteem

Self-confidence and self-esteem They are psychological concepts that greatly influence when meeting new people.

When what we are also looking for is not only to have an entertaining conversation with someone but also to flirt, the relevance of these two aspects becomes even greater. Here we will see some key ideas to know how to promote them in this area of ​​life.

Self-confidence and self-esteem in their expression when seducing

It would be a mistake to think that people who have problems acting confidently when flirting suffer from this problem because they have low self-esteem or because they do not believe in themselves in a global sense. In fact, it is very common to encounter people who generally trust their abilities in contexts that they face almost every day, such as studies or work, but who at the same time falter when showing self-confidence in specific situations that they face. They confront each other in less frequent ways, such as when trying to flirt on the weekends.

And self-esteem and self-confidence They are not completely homogeneous elements, but rather they have several facets and can change depending on the situation to which we are exposed Many shy people appear confident when speaking in front of an audience about a topic that fascinates them and they know well, and at the same time, those who tend to be popular can become insecure and vulnerable if they have to speak in front of the public about something they do not know. good.

This means that to enhance our ease in an area of ​​social life, we must work in that area, and not in any other area.

Thus, for the case at hand, the fundamental thing is develop self-confidence and behavioral patterns that foster self-esteem specifically in the context of seduction Of course, working on self-esteem in a global sense, in the face of life as a whole, is important and contributes to making social interactions normally more fluid and pleasant.

However, we should not stop at that, as it can be used as an excuse not to have to “leave the comfort zone” and start developing communication skills based on meeting people and, why not, also seduction. Given that these types of challenges occur specifically in a type of social interaction, the way to overcome them must also be focused on this type of social experiences, and not on others. In other words, the keys to developing self-confidence and self-esteem They must be linked to the act of breaking the ice, showing interest, asserting themselves in front of people we do not know and, in general, flirting Let’s look at several ideas about it.

4 communication keys to express seductive self-confidence when flirting

These are several fundamental psychological keys that you should take into account to gain ease and self-confidence when flirting.

1. Boost your self-confidence through improvisation

Memorizing “prefabricated” phrases when flirting is a mistake. At most, from time to time you can use one to break the ice and start a conversation, but once you are in the dialogue itself, what matters is the fluency and social skills applied in the moment, not the witty phrases read in a book or on the Internet. Seducing is, among other things, knowing how to adapt, responding to sources of interest that unite you both and create a comfortable climate that is comfortable.

Of course, improvising in this way is more complex than applying a sequence of guidelines that we can follow step by step. However, although this fact complicates things, at the same time it provides another element that helps make everything simpler, and which we will see in the next point.

2. Self-confidence is demonstrated by assuming the imperfection of communication

Ultimately, the ability to create technically perfect conversations is much less seductive than the attitude of self-confidence that is present when assuming that the conversation will have expendable or downright absurd moments. Where self-esteem and charisma are shown is in accepting that The important thing is not the technical correctness, but the stimulating sensations and emotions that appear in the dialogue

In fact, becoming obsessed with not making mistakes not only keeps our mind divided on several fronts (and therefore more vulnerable to going blank), but also denotes fragility, because in this way we seem to hide behind that succession of words and gestures.

The people with the most ability to flirt They assume that sometimes there will be misunderstandings or exchanges of ideas that are not very informative , but they can turn this into a display of attitude, and even into fun experiences that lend themselves to jokes. Because of this, it is common that when seducing, trying to perform ridiculous actions works: the very intention of doing that and showing that we do it while being aware of how absurd it is means that, paradoxically, it does not seem ridiculous.

3. The fear of rejection is based on an illusion

This does not mean that the fear of rejection does not exist ; On the contrary, it is a very real phenomenon and whose appearance (in a greater or lesser degree of intensity) is not rare even in people who are better at flirting. The point is that on the one hand, as we have seen, we should not fight to eliminate the fear of rejection from our minds, and on the other, we must be clear that this is not based on facts that have the capacity to reveal very important truths. uncomfortable about who we are.

The fear of rejection has to do with the anticipation of the distressing implications of someone showing disinterest in us, and this is something that can perfectly happen: there is no reason to assume that everyone finds us fascinating. But… does this really say something very bad about our identity? If they reject us it is, in the vast majority of cases, because they do not know us well; For some reason we seek to bring positions closer together.

On the other hand, hardly a single interaction or series of a few interactions with someone is going to give us a realistic reflection of who we are The self-concept, our idea of ​​“I”, is actually built over time and through hundreds of experiences. Having someone say “yes” or “no” at a point in the conversation is not really going to break the framework from which we analyze who we are, no matter how frustrating it may sometimes be.

4. Without practice there is no progress

Finally, knowing all of the above is not of much use if it is not put into practice. To develop the social and emotional management skills necessary to flirt, you must apply them to reality For this reason, many people go to the psychologist to obtain not only the theory, but also a series of guidelines to commit to this process of change and carry it out effectively and avoiding unnecessary frustrations, starting with what works for “beginners” and ending for the most ambitious challenges.

Are you looking for psychological assistance?

If you are interested in developing your emotional management capacity or enhancing your communication skills, we invite you to contact us. In UPAD Psychology and Coaching We have a team of psychologists who have many years of experience working in psychotherapy, psychological support in personal development and coaching processes, and sexual and couples therapy. You can find us in our center located in Madrid (Argüelles area) or through our online services modality by video call. On this page you can find our contact information.