The CARA Method: The 4 Phases For Emotional Management
The human being is made up of emotions. Fear, Anger, Sadness, Joy, Surprise and Disgust (METASA as a mnemonic rule) are the basic ones. As a general rule, not only are we not aware of being in an emotion, but we also tend to mask those that are difficult for us. to digest, that we don’t like or that cause us discomfort. In this way we make it difficult to manage our emotions and even go against what we really need All of this, due to simple ignorance of our most internal needs and low emotional recognition.
In this article, we will talk about 4 phases to start managing emotions in a simple way that in turn requires practice. So I encourage you to spend some time every day stopping to listen to your body and observe the emotion in which you find yourself.
1. Awareness
The first step is also the most difficult of all and the most necessary to begin managing emotions. It has to do with recognizing the emotion I am in. Usually people do not recognize exactly what emotion is moving me Sometimes out of ignorance and other times because I don’t want to look at the emotion I’m feeling. Our emotions live in us and we can become aware of them through the signals they indicate to us. Whether with the messages we send mentally or with the reactions that occur in our body.
The first part is based on stopping and observing what is happening inside me. I may suddenly feel like I’m clenching my hands and jaw (anger) or that I have a strange feeling in my gut (fear). Although there are signs that are common, there are others that depend on each person and for this it is good that we begin to study how we react to different situations and, above all, what happens to my body in them.
Once we become aware that there is an emotion that is flowing inside me, it is good to focus on it and give it a name. Taking into account, as we said, that on many occasions we can make mistakes. For example, It is very common for us to cover fear or sadness with another emotion, since these usually seem unpleasant to me
2. Acceptance
As we are commenting, it is difficult for human beings to accept certain emotions. Either because of the beliefs that he has associated with it or because of the pain that it may cause him. This causes them to repress or even judge themselves, making the emotion not accepted.
For example, Implanted beliefs such as “don’t cry, nothing happens”, “you have to be strong” or “you can’t be afraid of that” make emotions such as sadness or fear appear restricted and difficult to express Therefore, we do not allow ourselves that emotion. From here, therefore, two aspects emerge: either the emotion accumulates until it explodes or I cover that emotion with another.
It is very common, for example, to be angry with a loved one, and if we stop to think about it, it is sadness because something has happened that hurts me and therefore. It depends on the person and their beliefs, any emotion can be cut and not just these two. For example, the typical “I don’t want to be happy in case something bad happens”, where you stop the joy or “I’m not going to say anything in case he gets angry”, where you don’t set limits and stop the anger.
Observing our emotion and, above all, what I am feeling, is necessary to reach acceptance of it. And after this observation, take into account my judgments and beliefs to be able to manage them and accept that the emotion I have is healthy and necessary. When we talk about acceptance we must be clear about two things. The first of them is to ask ourselves if we are being honest with ourselves. The second, understand that if emotions have been evolving with us for so many years, it is because they are simply adaptive
Continuing with the last idea, emotions are adaptive. That is, they evolutionarily fulfill their function for us and help us navigate our environment, so talking about positive or negative emotions loses steam in order to understand that they can simply be experienced in a pleasant or unpleasant way.
Therefore, emotion is mainly with me to give me information about what I need and, above all, to give me direction. This point is therefore a point of introspection where I need to put the focus within myself and look at these points
It must be taken into account that a poorly managed emotion can lead to psychological discomfort. For example, an anger that I do not express and in which I end up being passive ends up affecting my self-esteem and what I am thinking about myself. Phrases like “I’m stupid, I shouldn’t have kept quiet” are very common, causing self-concept to be the main punisher. It is also common for this endured passivity to end up exploding aggressively when I can’t take it anymore and for the internal message to become “I’m stupid, I shouldn’t have spoken like that…” causing us to punish ourselves again.
In sadness, the “I am strong” and not accepting, as we said before, that being bad is NOT weak, causes me not to look inside myself and, therefore, not find what I need to move forward For example, causing situations where sadness is necessary, such as grief, to last much longer over time.
Therefore, within this phase, we must also observe the behaviors we are having and the actions we carry out. Not only with us but also with the environment. To cover myself and stay calm, sometimes we use behaviors that are really not healthy for me and in the long run produce the opposite effect. For example, what we talked about before about how we communicate with others or avoid a fear, which causes us to become more and more afraid due to the avoidance itself.
This phase therefore focuses on understanding the information that the emotion gives me on the one hand and observing how my behaviors are being on the other. All this, to be able to become truly aware of what is happening in me and the response I am giving.
4. Action
The action phase focuses, basically, it is a decision-making process. In which after understanding and accepting the emotion, I have been able to observe myself and my behavior and I have collected the information of what I need to give an appropriate and proportionate response That is, a response that is healthy both for me and for the environment.
It is very important, however, for correct emotional care, that the actions we take and responses we give are also in tune with my values. Since if this were not the case, even though I make a decision, it would also generate emotional discomfort. Therefore, apart from what is written here, I also encourage you to take a look inside yourself and observe what your main values are, those that make you move.
As a summary: Action is the phase in which we take responsibility for what we feel and generate appropriate behavior taking into account all the information obtained.
