From 13 and 14 years old, the relationship with adolescents changes The time they spent with adults as reference figures disappears and they begin to focus on establishing relationships with their peers. Although this is completely normal, it directly affects the way they interact in the family environment.
Today we bring you some keys to improve coexistence and promote a better understanding about how we establish family rules for adolescents to create an environment that encourages good development and learning skills.
“Being on top” could be the star technique of most parents. When they were younger, it was a war of attrition and it was difficult for them to carry out the tasks we asked of them, but in the end they gave in.
But does this strategy work? Do they improve their behavior? Generally, we find that As they get older, the feeling of “hitting a wall” when we use this strategy to address problems also grows in the same way Not only that, as children grow, the number of worries also increases with their autonomy, as well as the number of decisions they want to make.
These are the reasons why it is important to set clear rules.
Improve coexistence
There is no doubt that this is the main objective of parents when they consider establishing family rules for their children. However, the improvement of coexistence is the result of the following points.
Learn the skills that allow them to operate independently
This is the main objective of the norms in adolescents: teach them to assume the consequences of their behavior and responsibilities In this way, they will be able to adjust their behavior based on the results obtained.
Prevent risky behaviors in environments where parents are not present
The home environment is a safe place where they can learn skills that will allow them to behave in a safe and healthy way in the future: saying no, setting limits, expressing what they want, responsible consumption, relationship with drugs preventive risk behaviors…
Keys to building standards
As we have seen, in summary the main reason why setting rules for adolescents is make them aware and responsible for their behavior But… how to put this into practice?
The rules of coexistence must be clear, specific and concise. Remember, The objective is to make the adolescent responsible for his actions and, therefore, be able to modify them That said, the standard must include the following elements:
Motivating and promoting desired behaviors
These are the key elements to maintain motivation in compliance with standards. Following these guidelines, living with a teenage son or daughter will be much more positive and they will develop better skills for their adulthood
It is important to establish norms throughout the family and involve our son/daughter to that he sees that he is playing an active role in establishing the rules of coexistence
2. Let them be realistic
The rules should be adjusted according to the possibilities of your child It is important to be able to achieve them, that is, a level of requirements must be established that allows them to be achieved, and the responsibilities and difficulties must gradually increase as they master the skills of the simplest standards.
3. That there are reinforcements
Assess behaviors, academic grades, efforts, make their favorite food, take their wishes into account even if as parents, you decide how to manage them. These reinforcements strengthen the adolescent-parent bond and help maintain the limits established for coexistence
4. Pay attention to the desired behavior
We tend to pay more attention to behavior that causes us problems and bothers us. However, it often happens that once our child behaves in accordance with the normal behavior or the behavior we want him to obtain, we assume it as “this is what he has to do.” It is important to change our “radar” approach: pointing out the desired behavior and recognizing the effort is a key part to promote this behavior.
5. Role models
Our behavior as parents serves as a role model. The coherence between the desired norms and the behavior we show in front of our children is important The most important thing is that both parents must set the same limits and be firm about the consequences through teamwork. This will create a stable situation so that adolescents better understand their role and achieve the desired behavior sooner.
6. Give space and express
The rules must be adjusted according to changing needs and coexistence. It is important to create a space where adolescents can express themselves, debate the rules, share their concerns and feel heard.
