The Importance Of Setting Limits And Its Relationship With Self-esteem
Saying “no” is a skill that has to be trained It must be practiced on numerous occasions, to finally feel comfortable with it.
If we are not used to saying no, oneself may feel strange at first, and so may those around us, having been accustomed to your continuous predisposition.
It is okay to say yes, in relation to being open to aspects that we did not consider before, in order to little by little be able to build a more open and flexible mentality.
But When we say yes just to please, it becomes a problem Because we do it in response to what others need and not what we need ourselves.
Saying yes is a very comfortable position where one does not question anything. Because listening to yourself and questioning your own needs is more complex… and requires giving value to what you need. You stop listening to yourself to meet the needs of others; So, in a sense you are neglecting and forgetting about yourself.
It is inefficient to invest energy in aspects that we know do not matter to us or do not fulfill us Above all, because even if we say yes, deep down, we are feeling that no… and it is not fulfilling us. And the attitude with which we carry out activities that we do not like, in the end also makes it counterproductive.
Furthermore, it is interesting reflect on the cost that trying to be able to do everything can cause us and cover all the needs of everyone.
Why it is important to set limits
It is very common to put the needs of others before our own needs because we want to be liked or because we have the self-demand of having to take care of others before ourselves.
Also, on many occasions, having self-esteem is seen as an egocentric position and these two terms are confused, when they really have nothing to do with each other. Let’s look at the main differences:
Having a healthy self-esteem is knowing how to take care of yourself, and to achieve this, it is necessary to dedicate time to satisfy and please what we need for ourselves And in case of not being able to “self-cover” certain needs (affection, love… are aspects that we need from other people), give them value and not belittle or downplay what we need.
Say no and blame
When we start practicing this skill of saying no, we can feel like bad people for not meeting the needs of others But it is normal, since we are not used to it, and those around you even less so. Even when we start to say no, others may complain and demand things from us… because as we have always done, they expect the same from us.
Therefore, it is totally normal that at first we feel some guilt, but it is important to discern that it is not objective. Also, let’s always offer our help, it’s great for others, but maybe… not so much for us.
Thus It is important to manage the possible guilt that may appear at the beginning, so as not to give in once again and start taking ourselves into account first. To do this, you can remember and tell yourself “I respect myself and accompany myself.” Be aware that saying no is a good thing for yourself, physically and emotionally.
The development of healthy self-esteem and autonomy
First of all, it is important to know that We are responsible, to a greater extent, for making us feel good, and for this it is necessary that the first ones we take care of ourselves are ourselves. The following describes how to cultivate this healthy self-esteem.
If we start doing this process, we will give more importance to ourselves and We will feel that we are worth more than what we had done until now Only then will we begin to build healthy self-esteem.
As a last note, we must remember the importance of not judging ourselves when one does not set limits, because we also have the right to do so. It is normal that we take a few steps back along the way. To have good self-esteem, it is important not to punish yourself.
