It is common to encounter people who have great confusion between their behavior and their identity. In this regard, we ask you the following question: who I am?
At first glance, it seems easy to answer, but you will quickly realize that this is not the case. It is easy for someone from outside to answer for you, however, we could put our hand in the fact that the answer would be incorrect. Definitely, the answer lies within you, in your body, in your mind, in your emotions, but you have been asleep for so long that you are not able to recognize it.
This confusion has been part of human beings throughout life, and it was the psychologists of the psychoanalytic current who began to delve into all of this. More specifically, Donald Woods Winnicott was the one who first introduced the term false self to refer to the different behavioral masks that we all use to access the expectations around us.
As Winnicott explained, we are able to exhibit a social and polite attitude towards the world thanks to the false Self. It is as if the person changes their mask depending on the context and the people they are in at that moment. Although they successfully manage to meet the expectations of their environment, these people always find themselves empty, dead or false inside. In fact, only the true Self can feel freely.
It is portrayed that knowing who we really are or unmasking the false Self is an issue that has always tormented human beings. It has been studied by many professionals and the conclusion is reached that it involves an enormous reflection exercise with personal work behind it that allows us to be in agreement with ourselves and with others. In today’s article, we will talk about what the concepts of false and true self mean, how they are constructed, and of course, we will review several tips to get rid of the false Self
How do the true and false Self develop?
It all starts from our first days of life. From the first moment we came into the world, we need to meet certain needs which, of course, a baby alone cannot satisfy. Here the mother comes into play, whose job is to offer warmth, protection and unconditional acceptance to all the reactions and feelings of her baby. Regarding this, Winnicott talks about the concept of “good enough mother” when describing one who provides care to the newborn in a spontaneous and sincere way. Of course, the latter does not mean that limits should not be set; in fact, they are considered necessary.
In an environment like the one described above, the baby and the subsequent child develop a true healthy Self, that is, they come to feel capable of listening to themselves without the need to meet the expectations of third parties to feel accepted, loved and good about themselves. same.
On the other hand, completely changing the scene of the “good enough mother” are those children who do not feel accepted or understood by the mother and therefore, adjusting their behaviors and feelings according to the mother’s preferences is the only way they find to feel loved and respected. In other words, they learn that hiding their true Self and bringing out the false I is the only way to be accepted by the mother
This doesn’t stop here. The child who at first had developed the learning to hide his true Self in order to feel loved by his mother, in the future extrapolates it to all the relationships in his life and it is here where the foundations of the false self are laid. I. Furthermore, it is interesting to note that the false Self hides many pathological behaviors in an adult, such as narcissistic disorder among many others.
How to unmask the false Self?
We challenge you to imagine your life without the false Self predominating. It is interesting to stop completely and think about who you really are and what your purpose is as a free and independent being with the extraordinary value of being able to take and decide the course of your destiny. To reach that image you are projecting, you must embark on a journey to self-knowledge and get rid of the false Self.
For this, the work of self-knowledge is important to know in depth the emotions, qualities, defects, limitations and priorities of each one Furthermore, the first step is always to accept yourself as you are in order to start working and polishing those parts of the Self that you want to modify.
Below, we list some tips from experts on the subject to unmask the false Self:
1. Don’t feel constantly offended
Not everything the people around you do or say has to do with you. We tend to take everything to heart when someone criticizes us or doesn’t meet our expectations. Therefore, try not to feel attacked by people’s words or actions and practice assertive communication
2. Don’t focus life on successes
Achieving a goal is something that gives a lot of satisfaction. However, we cannot allow our lives to constantly revolve around this. We must get it into our heads that we are not only the sum of all our achievements in life. In fact, the motivation and desire that we have gained when things were not going as well as we imagined weighs more.
3. You’re not always right and that’s okay.
The false Self often leads to the need to always be right since we consider that all our actions and behaviors are correct. Therefore, we invite you to bend your arm in some situations to take into consideration other points of view and opinions.
4. You don’t need to be number one always
As we mentioned previously, we need to realize the aspects of our Self that we need to improve. Feeling important and the best is sometimes necessary, but we must keep our feet on the ground and realize that the goal is not to be the best, but to improve day by day to try to be a better person both with ourselves and with others. .
Conclusion
In short, the best way to find the true Self, leaving aside the false Self, is to open up to others and stop focusing excessively on oneself. If you have identified with the article and would like support on the long journey towards self-knowledge and the true Self, we recommend that you go to a psychology professional.
